Community Chat

[GingerPeach]

---

@HomeShoppingLover87 wrote:

@Moonchilde I had a similar problem with a past boss! She was very in-your-face, and I eventually found out that she thought I was more or less incompetent because I would hesitate a little before answering her. It was very frustrating, although I believe I did eventually prove myself to her.

I'll also add myself to the "mistaken for a snob" club, which is something I'm almost immune to because I'm just so darn used to it by now. Still kind of hurts my feelings, though. Just because I'm not dying to talk to you, doesn't mean it's because I think I'm above you. It's about me, not you.

And that's another thing - it's actually quite hypocritical to call introverts snobs, because extroverts can actually be quite self-centered in feeding their desire to talk to someone all the time. Sometimes an obvious extrovert will be making chit-chat with me in public, and I try to be polite, but am secretly thinking, "What in the world about my body language or anything else would suggest to you I want to make smalltalk with you right now? Oh, but that doesn't matter. Because apparently you want to."

We're both just doing what feels right to us; for extroverts, it just happens to involve other people more often. Doesn't mean they're socializing for benevolent reasons. They're doing it because it's what's natural for them.

---

Well said, @HomeShoppingLover87

As to what I bolded, I've been caught by that as well.

No one ever considers that what we may hestitate about is finding something more appropriate to respond or that we're trying to think of something specific, apt, or unique.    We, at least I, don't want to give "standard" answers.

[pommom]

I am an introvert, enjoy spending time with close friends and admittedly a homebody.

As far as being social and attending social events, the best way I think I could describe my introvert tendencies is as much fun/enjoyment I may be having at some point I just hit a wall and know it is time to leave. My family and friends know this about me and are not offended.  Of course, I do make an effort not to leave at an inappropriate time - such as in the middle of a wedding, baptism, anniversary celebration (toast), etc.

[MaggieMack]

@GingerPeach, @Moonchilde, maybe those bosses should have been schooled in neurolinguistics so they could have read that part of your responses and understood the searching better.

[Moonchilde]

---

@GingerPeach wrote:

---

@HomeShoppingLover87 wrote:

@Moonchilde I had a similar problem with a past boss! She was very in-your-face, and I eventually found out that she thought I was more or less incompetent because I would hesitate a little before answering her. It was very frustrating, although I believe I did eventually prove myself to her.

I'll also add myself to the "mistaken for a snob" club, which is something I'm almost immune to because I'm just so darn used to it by now. Still kind of hurts my feelings, though. Just because I'm not dying to talk to you, doesn't mean it's because I think I'm above you. It's about me, not you.

And that's another thing - it's actually quite hypocritical to call introverts snobs, because extroverts can actually be quite self-centered in feeding their desire to talk to someone all the time. Sometimes an obvious extrovert will be making chit-chat with me in public, and I try to be polite, but am secretly thinking, "What in the world about my body language or anything else would suggest to you I want to make smalltalk with you right now? Oh, but that doesn't matter. Because apparently you want to."

We're both just doing what feels right to us; for extroverts, it just happens to involve other people more often. Doesn't mean they're socializing for benevolent reasons. They're doing it because it's what's natural for them.

---

Well said, @HomeShoppingLover87

As to what I bolded, I've been caught by that as well.

No one ever considers that what we may hestitate about is finding something more appropriate to respond or that we're trying to think of something specific, apt, or unique.    We, at least I, don't want to give "standard" answers.

---

Or that we want our answer to be what we actually, *after consideration*, THINK - which often our superiors really don't care.

[Moonchilde]

---

@MaggieMack wrote:

@GingerPeach, @Moonchilde, maybe those bosses should have been schooled in neurolinguistics so they could have read that part of your responses and understood the searching better.

---

Most of the time, depending on corporate culture, they don't care. We were forced to attend a "workplace personality and working together" type thing, and my boss and I ended up in the same one. Afterwards, everything about her reaction to mine was to denigrate it and laugh, clearly indicating my type was a PITA (and by extension so was I). This just demonstrated to me that she was not a professional and the whole thing had been a giant waste of time - which she actually SAID to me.

The things you have to endure to pay the rent.

[Libbylady]

DH & I once took a class based on personality testing.  He was sure he had "failed" since he came out as an introvert.  He owned a business and traveled extensively in many countries despite only speaking English.

It was explained that introverts get their inspirations and life drives by themselves.  They research, or not, and then act on their best information.

I tested as an extrovert.  We want to express our thoughts and ideas with others and gain feedback, even if we don't change our minds with additional viewpoints.

[truffle]

In work situations, I've always been one to offer up suggestions and help others and contribute especially in a round table setting.  I always recognized those individuals that were reticent and held back though they were just as competent and intelligent...it was frustrating getting them to contribute their lovely ideas.   I think that the classic introvert (and not someone who just says they are quiet), have problems with self confidence for once you give them continuous positive feedback, they've climbed out of their shell even if it's just for a few hours.  Conditioning from bad parenting can ruin a kid and then their adult life as well.   

[MaggieMack]

@truffle, I tend to believe that I arrived here as an introvert instead of being conditioned into that state. I am not really reticent to offer an idea, but I do retreat if that idea is summarily shot down. Same for the boards, if I get attacked by a well-constructed flank, I will just not return rather than fight to the bitter end.

[Moonchilde]

@truffle, Extroverts can feel insecure and lack confidence too, but I suppose it would have more of an effect on an Introvert. An Extrovert might "bounce" easier or faster from a setback. In the working world, in the US, Introverts are used to feeling, being told, and treated as if they don't count. You were a rare co-worker who made the effort to respect them and their contributuon. Thank you :-)

[truffle]

---

@MaggieMack wrote:

@truffle, I tend to believe that I arrived here as an introvert instead of being conditioned into that state. I am not really reticent to offer an idea, but I do retreat if that idea is summarily shot down. Same for the boards, if I get attacked by a well-constructed flank, I will just not return rather than fight to the bitter end.

---

On the boards, it's a little different because a back and forth dialogue can be misconstrued by some who then shoot everyone down by calling for the local popo (love that expression).  Here my reticence is from not wanting to get banned by expressing my opinion and wondering what the day has been like for x, y or z moderator.