Community Chat

[Sooner]

If the OP is the one who cares for rescues, why does she have to get a tattoo to "honor" this?  Is it because she wants others to see it and honor her work?  What's the point here?

Honestly I don't get one besides irritating her husband and proving to him he doesn't have a say.  I mean she knows she works with rescues, so in what way does a tattoo further honor or commemorate that?  

[layla2450]

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@Sooner wrote:

If the OP is the one who cares for rescues, why does she have to get a tattoo to "honor" this?  Is it because she wants others to see it and honor her work?  What's the point here?

Honestly I don't get one besides irritating her husband and proving to him he doesn't have a say.  I mean she knows she works with rescues, so in what way does a tattoo further honor or commemorate that?  

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TWO reasons - because she WANTS to and to COMMEMORATE her work with rescues. It's as SIMPLE as that. She SHOULDN'T need PERMISSION or APPROVAL from her husband.

[Sooner]

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@layla2450 wrote:

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@Sooner wrote:

If the OP is the one who cares for rescues, why does she have to get a tattoo to "honor" this?  Is it because she wants others to see it and honor her work?  What's the point here?

Honestly I don't get one besides irritating her husband and proving to him he doesn't have a say.  I mean she knows she works with rescues, so in what way does a tattoo further honor or commemorate that?  

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TWO reasons - because she WANTS to and to COMMEMORATE her work with rescues. It's as SIMPLE as that. She SHOULDN'T need PERMISSION or APPROVAL from her husband.

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@layla2450 If you feel that way, why have a husband?  Do you expect him to feel that way too?  

[jubilant]

@CritterKeeper  It appears to me that this is how you say "this is my body to do with what I want".  Does your husband have a lot to say about how you look?  Does he often give you the "silent treatment" when you go against his opinion on things?   Silent treatments are a form of abuse.   I sense there  are "other" things going on here.  Do you feel he has too much say in your life?

With that said, I am a little biased as I don't like tatoo's but I would not tell you what to do. That's totally up to you.... except for looking deeper into your marriage issues to see what is behind all this.  I wish you all the best!

[moonandthestars]

@Pook  wanted to reply, didn't mean to take so long tho  -somehow I managed to start my new year with a tooth/gum infection and it has really thrown me!  Depressing, painful, worrisome, scary (I have dental ptsd).    It's been a while, the thread is not very active, but here I go anyway.... (something compelling about this subject for me)

I really appreciate that you took the time to respond to my question about this - was hoping to hear from the tattoo side    I can see how important it is to you - and I'm sure for others too.  What is interesting is how polarizing this subject is - and to see the differences in how we all view relationships and the give and take within them, or even if there needs to be much give and take.  I guess we probably all see it from the perspective that we have lived - pushes on certain buttons in some cases,  probably not in all cases.  I can see if from the point of view that this is very important to you - like an extension of who you are? yes?  And I can see that for someone, even your love, to want to stifle that would seem outrageous and not ok. And obviously that pov works for some people - they have the right partner! good match.  From my  point of view, what I would see is that I've let my love know that I really find something unattractive and truly don't want him to do it (again!) and if he did it anyway, I would be incredibly hurt - it would be one of those little cuts in the relationship that make it weaker.  He would have shown me it doesn't matter what I think or if I find it unattractive.  Not a good sign.   I'm assuming that we're not talking about someone who feels the need to control everything about the other person's life, so that being the case I see nothing wimpy to subservient about deciding not to alter ones appearance because a partner has asked you not to and finds the altering upsetting and unattractive.   On the other hand if a partner requests their person to alter something about themselves (bigger chest, dress in a way that's not natural to the person, etc.) because that would make them more attractive to him - well,imo, that's controlling and out of bounds.  We can do a whole list of not ok, and even tho I see how you see it, I do think it's perfectly valid and not wimpy at all to not add a tattoo, etc. if your partner tells you it's important to them that you don't.  

[lovescats]

I don't think the silent treatment is always a form of abuse plus she didn't say that.  she said he didn't talk to her for 2 days.   maybe he just didn't want to say something he couldn't take back.

[mspemberley]

I haven't read all the reply's but my perspective is that of a widow who misses my husband everyday. My advice is don't get the tattoo. If, God forbid, you are a widow like me one day, looking back and missing your wonderful husband, all the compromises you have to make to keep him happy now will seem trivial. Bless you for your work with rescue animals! Keep a good thing good. You'll have no regrets.

[jubilant]

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@lovescats wrote:

I don't think the silent treatment is always a form of abuse plus she didn't say that.  she said he didn't talk to her for 2 days.   maybe he just didn't want to say something he couldn't take back.

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@lovescats  You have a right to your opinion but many times the silent treatment is a person's way of punishing another person. If it is done for that reason it is wrong and very immature. If my husband didn't talk to me for 2 days, I would consider that "the silent treatment".

[Cakers3]

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@RespectLife wrote:

Really @Cakers3 

Let me post some unkind posts for you....

Your not only selfish but you want to go against your husband, because you really deep down don't like him.Why would you go against his wishes? What are you saying, {I really don't care what you like] ?

I don't blame him. Don't like them either. Can't even look at someone with tattoos

i see people with so many on them,up and down arms ,legs ,it looks really bad.

You will have to decide if you want your husband to have to look at something he detests in such an obvious place as your wrist.

How would you feel if your husband suddenly went and got his nose pierced or got tattoos on his face or anything that you have difficulty looking at everyday? What about a tongue piercing?

What is really bugging you that you want to get back at him. . . that's what you need to think about and face up to.

I could go on, maybe you skipped a lot of the posts.

and your comment to the OP was not very kind either

I believe this whole thread was an attempt to shore up HER viewpoint and diminish his.

she is not welcome to come here to discuss OR vent?

and I never said it was about me, for goodness sake.  I was relating my experiences just as others have.

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@RespectLife    I never said she could not come here to vent.  She clearly asked for opinions and she received them.

She responds to those who support her decision to get another tat.

She doesn't respond to those who feel her decision is not the best.

If one only responds to the opinions that support her, then she is looking for validation for her and only for her.

[Cakers3]

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@RespectLife wrote:

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@reiki604 wrote:

While I believe in body autonomy, I also know the compromises and adjustments one makes in order to maintain a long term marriage.  I wonder how the @CritterKeeper  would react if her DH decided his promise to forsake all others didn't suit him anymore and wanted an open relationship?

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Not even in the same boat!

Can't compare wedding vows before God to wanting a tatoo for heaven's sake!

Not unless part of their vows were to never get tatoos.

How ridiculous @reiki604 

You're comparing a tat to adultery and betrayal??? 

Sorry, but that is absolutely absurd.

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@RespectLife   Not everyone takes their vows before God.