Community Chat

[Sooner]

I am surprised at the number of people that don't care what their spouse doesn't like.  

[Porcelain]

You aren't hurting anybody and if tattoos are meaningful to you now, you have every right to get as many as you like. We all change our wants and interests over the course of a marriage, and this is a very innocent and superficial change as far as changes go.

It's your wrist not his. You aren't demanding that he get a matching tattoo. He needs to learn to get over it. It's good for his personal growth to learn he has no say over what you do with your own body.

I'd also say you should be prepared to weather another silent treatment session and plan plenty of fun things to do while he takes the time he needs to get over his disappointment.

I would recommend not getting into an argument about it. Don't apologize or explain. You don't need to defend your choices. And be willing to be the bigger person and go back to your normal loving interactions as soon as he indicates he's ready. Best not to hold a grudge.

[KLm]

@CritterKeeper  I don't know that I have any wisdom here. I do not have the desire to have a permanent tattoo. So I use temporary tattoos. There aren't as many choices as I'd like that seem to express my emotions of the week, as they last about a week, some longer. I have been doing this for years. I put it on the inside of my wrist, and I get to look at it. It makes me happy.

So I understand your motivation here I think.

And I didn't see in your initial post where you made any promises about a tattoo.

When I have had to decide between what makes me happy and what makes my partner happy but me unhappy, I imagine how I would feel a week after putting aside what I want to do and going along with what he wants to do. If I can't imagine making that sacrifice, I do what I want.

[moonandthestars]

@CritterKeeper Obviously you can do whatever you want, your life your body, etc.  That pretty much holds true for everyone all the time with everything- but that is kind of a selfish way to proceed.  Sometimes and often I  think it's called for to be considerate, respectful, consider other's feelings and how decisions or actions might impact them.  After all you are in this relationship with him - you are already a team. If your husband has already told you that he hates tattoos, hates that your already have a couple and then you get another one  - what are you saying to him?   It's funny that you both have such strong feelings about this for and against.  Why do you think you feel so strongly about getting tattoos?  Would it work for you to try a temporary one?  Happy Birthday, btw.

[SloopJohnB]

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@new nickname 4 wrote:

@CritterKeeper I've read your post, in which you said your husband HATES tattoos, and then you said you recently started fostering dogs which you love.  You also acknowledged "I know this is going to cause a complete uproar and possible argument." 

Maybe you should give some time before getting a permanent tattoo, since this is a recent love for fostering, who knows, maybe it will become something you will not pursue in the future and then you have the tattoo?

Regardless of what anyone else thinks, I hope you discuss this with your husband and ask him to tell you what he will do if you get the tattoo.  Maybe he's changed his mind, maybe he won't mind a small tattoo if he also loves fostering dogs?

After being widowed and alone for 11 years, I would give up anything to be able to have him in my life and happy.  The night he died, I was angry and didn't kiss him goodnight.  Guilt is powerful, so don't do something you would regret.  

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@new nickname 4   Topic aside.... I can totally relate to your last paragraph...... Hence my tagline.  💔

[Trinity11]

Marriage is about compromise. I have been married for nearly 47 years and we are definitely a partnership. I have always tried to include my husband in my decisions. If I wanted a tat that he objected to, I would buy a piece of jewelry that expressed my love of animals. How I look and how my husband "sees" me is very important to me. If something turned him off, that would be enough for me to re-look at my decision and compromise.

[elated]

Instead of a tattoo, why not get a t-shirt, necklace , bracelet or ring to show you foster animals. So many avenues to explore besides a tattoo. Do what you want but I see no reason to add extra tension to a marriage.

[ThinkingOutLoud]

Just remembered something I heard years ago. When a couple differs on something, use the rating system. For instance, if his hate for tattoos is a 9 and your desire for one is a 6, you then have a clearer picture of where each stands and can decide accordingly.

[Porcelain]

Personally I have no tattoos. DH has what I consider (but don't mention) to be a badly done tattoo. Never in a million years would he try to stop me from doing something I wanted to my appearance, nor would I try that with him. That would just be really rude.

I don't think DH would look good with facial hair. I've seen a few past pictures. And when he wanted my opinion on that, I gave it. But if he really really wanted to go for a beard anyway, I would adjust and support him. That's what loving partners do. They support each other because they love each other and want each other to be happy.

You both have a right to express your preferences, but neither of you has any right to demand that the other person always conform to your preferences.

IMO a huge part of getting along and staying attracted to each other is respecting boundaries. It's much more exciting to me to know that at a fundamental level, I can't control DH. He is his own man just like he was before we got together.

[allaries]

I am one old lady who does like them if not on the face. That I do not like. I wanted to get one on my shoulder with my grandsons name. Tatoo artist said no as you are diabetic and there is danger of infection. That ended that.When I told my grandsons they said Thank God he would not do it. Funny response.