Community Chat

[Kachina624]

Star, Think of it this way...you've done everything expected of you like good marriage, great kids, successful career. Now it's time to have some fun! You should have prepared yourself for retirement by developing some sort of hobby or activity you're interested in. Hubby should do the same. Find something you enjoy doing together...how about a cruise or trip right after you retire to rejuvenate your marriage. Remember good marriages are made, they don't just happen. This summer, take the time to do the things around the house you've been ignoring for years, then find someplace to volunteer. Don't forget the possibility of becoming a docent for a local museum; this is great for ex-teachers. Start planning a trip for next year with hubby. It's hard to make suggestions without knowing your interests but you get the idea...This is the best part of your life.

[petepetey]

I just want to say thank you for posting such an honest story about your life. I am going through something very similar and don't have any answers for you. However, I am in therapy and it is helping, somewhat.

Who am I without young children to raise and bring life into my home? I want more out of life but don't know where to get it.

It might be the time to create a new life for yourself now that you are retiring. Out of the darkness comes light.

[cotton4me]

nm

[CouponQueen]

You need to get a Physical Exam including Blood work and then if that is all clear..find a nice therapist to sound off on.

You need to now move onto another phase in life. It is up to you. When you retire..what would you LIKE to do..? As for hubby..I think you need to re-evaluate. It is more like YOU are annoyed so you are taking it out on him.

Instead of feeling like you have no purpose..you need to now find your NEW purpose..

Some time, soul searching and therapy and I am sure it will all come together.

Good luck.

[Vamp]

I agree with the others that suggest a therapist could really help. Change is always hard, and when you find yourself in an unhappy life situation, that certainly doesn't help.

In addition, I suggest you find things that you are interested in and get involved. Volunteer, join a book club (many public libraries have groups), take some classes at a community college, start exercising, and just get out there and do something. You do not have to sit around and be miserable.

I sincerely wish you all the best. As someone who regularly battles depression, I know it is not easy, but there is hope.

[ellybeth]

Please go to christianbook.com and search retirement. They have some great books on what to do when you retire. Also please include your husband in this. He's part of the team. Good luck to you.

[Starpolisher]

Thank you ALL for your kind words and insight. I must say I was very hesitant to verbalize this on this board. I also did not want to talk with any of my family or friends about it. I was afraid I'd be judged. I know I have many blessings and sometimes people just wonder "What's your problem" or "What are you whining about?" I have to say that you have all helped me to feel better and given me good advice. I am not one to journal. I find it very hard to write personal feelings down. I am a talker but not good talking about intimate details of my life or feelings with others. I guess I felt unjustiedfied in feeling the way I do since some would not consider it a real problem. However, it is a problem for me. I need to feel like I'm needed and make a difference. I was a daughter, wife, mother, a nurse and now a teacher. All roles that I wanted and enjoyed not to mention, was raised to believe I should have. No one taught me how to stop doing them. My mom is 85 years old and very active. She belongs to several groups/clubs/boards. She an advid gardner, loves to shop, keeps up with the latest news/politics/celebrities and frequently takes bus trips to casinos where she not only plays but wins. The difference between us is she always enjoyed these things. I on the other hand do not. Most of, if not all of the things I enjoy centered around my home and children. I know it's just a matter of redefining myself and discovering what I want/need but I also know it has to be fulfiling or it's just going through the motions. I will write more later(I'm at work) Thank you all again for taking the time to acknowledge me. It helps to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

[Gooday]

On 2/10/2015 qualitygal said:

I think it's a stage we go through. You might need some hobbies, books to read, places to go, groups to join. Volunteer if you can. I do understand just what you're saying. We all need our space, and sometimes, we need to create a larger space for ourselves. This is your chance to get outside yourself, this is a new chapter you get to create. It's a little tough when winter kind of forces 2 peas in a pod sort of thing, but by the time you both retire, it's time to expand your limits or increase your boundaries. volunteer at the animal shelter, old folks home..some of them would love visitors. There's the library.

We finally have some sun today, it lifts my spirits and makes me feel alive again. Maybe it's a little grey where you are, so fill the hours with what you can, and when you can inhale some fresh air, increase the area of surroundings you have. Remember, time to write your own next chapter.

Good luck!

So well said. I retired at nearly 53. I was a "newlywed" even though my husband and I had been together for many years (in separate homes). He lost the function of his kidneys and was on dialysis. My 74 year old mother was dying from Parkinson's/Alzheimer's and I wanted to spend her last days with her. My last day of work was on 12/23/04. My mom passed away 12/2/04. DH ended up in the hospital on 12/24/04 on a ventilator from bilateral lung abscesses. He nearly died. That was my initiation into retirement! A death, a near death and a road to recovery followed by dialysis for DH and by the Grace of God, a kidney transplant 9 months later.

I have always felt I was too young to stay home but then I thought....I have worked since I was 17, sometimes 2 jobs. I had one failed marriage, no children just work and more work.

To this day I do not have any hobbies but I feel blessed that DH has survived and is now 69 years of age. We spend half a year at our home in Az. and half the year at a condo in our home state. I take it day by day. Some days I don't know where the time went by and other days we may sit in our beautiful yard to read and take in the sound of the birds and the flight of hummingbirds.

We try to live by our motto "NO PRESSURE".

To the OP, you do NOT know what the future holds in store to, take it day by day and your life will fall into place.

[Gooday]

On 2/11/2015 starpolisher said:

Thank you ALL for your kind words and insight. I must say I was very hesitant to verbalize this on this board. I also did not want to talk with any of my family or friends about it. I was afraid I'd be judged. I know I have many blessings and sometimes people just wonder "What's your problem" or "What are you whining about?" I have to say that you have all helped me to feel better and given me good advice. I am not one to journal. I find it very hard to write personal feelings down. I am a talker but not good talking about intimate details of my life or feelings with others. I guess I felt unjustiedfied in feeling the way I do since some would not consider it a real problem. However, it is a problem for me. I need to feel like I'm needed and make a difference. I was a daughter, wife, mother, a nurse and now a teacher. All roles that I wanted and enjoyed not to mention, was raised to believe I should have. No one taught me how to stop doing them. My mom is 85 years old and very active. She belongs to several groups/clubs/boards. She an advid gardner, loves to shop, keeps up with the latest news/politics/celebrities and frequently takes bus trips to casinos where she not only plays but wins. The difference between us is she always enjoyed these things. I on the other hand do not. Most of, if not all of the things I enjoy centered around my home and children. I know it's just a matter of redefining myself and discovering what I want/need but I also know it has to be fulfiling or it's just going through the motions. I will write more later(I'm at work) Thank you all again for taking the time to acknowledge me. It helps to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

I must have posted right before you did.

I also took on a role as a care giver in many ways. What I DID do was go to the American Cancer Society and signed up as a volunteer to drive people to their chemo and radiation or doctor's appointments. I cannot tell you how that made me feel.

There are many organizations who would love to have your vast knowledge, especially children and adults who cannot read. The list can go on and on of organizations out there.

Oh...as for your husband....it may be difficult for him. Worry about yourself first. Your roles are going to change a bit, so just go with the flow.

[ROMARY]

You'll be surprised when your DH sees that you are going out and about, and seem more cheerful! Sometimes spouses 'wake up' and decide to go along and be part of their spouses' 'new' life 'of being outside the home, meeting new people, etc. It's psychological, and often works!! Give it a try!! .