I’m Too Nice

Jordan2 · ‎03-16-2010

I'm too nice and need to be deprogrammed! I was raised to be polite, kind, just be a good citizen, it seems people aren't like that anymore and it's a negative that I am. I work in a school with young children, I am always the first one who is given additional work (if they are shorthanded I always get the extra classes). They know I'll do it, I never say no to anything. If the kids need tissues and band aids who do the kids and other adults ask me because they know I'm responsible and will have them. I know a lot of the fault lies in me that I let them pretty much take advantage of me. It's just not in my nature to be mean, not helpful, helping when I can. I do hate myself for being this way but it is hard to change when you have been a certain way your whole life. I probably should speak to a therapist as to why I can't change my ways.

bikerbabe · ‎03-09-2010

Just sending a hug and to say you can still be kind and thoughtful while setting boundaries and saying “No”.

Maybe it stems from needing to be liked and lower self-esteem? It was for me.

OKPrincess · ‎03-10-2013

Because we were raised to be polite, respect authority, address adults as Mrs, Mr, or Miss.

We can't raise children as our parents raised us because that world no longer exists.

I can't change even if I wanted to change.

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

Only you can allow yourself to be a door mat.

Saying no doesn't mean you aren't nice or kind or polite.

Effie54 · ‎09-08-2010

@Jordan2 wrote:
I'm too nice and need to be deprogrammed! I was raised to be polite, kind, just be a good citizen, it seems people aren't like that anymore and it's a negative that I am. I work in a school with young children, I am always the first one who is given additional work (if they are shorthanded I always get the extra classes). They know I'll do it, I never say no to anything. If the kids need tissues and band aids who do the kids and other adults ask me because they know I'm responsible and will have them. I know a lot of the fault lies in me that I let them pretty much take advantage of me. It's just not in my nature to be mean, not helpful, helping when I can. I do hate myself for being this way but it is hard to change when you have been a certain way your whole life. I probably should speak to a therapist as to why I can't change my ways.

This is called sensitivity and empathy. You are rare indeed! Those are admirable, amazing traits to have. Don't change...no need to. You sound like one darn sweet person who actually cares. Now that's valuable!!

colleena · ‎03-27-2010

@Jordan2 I'm 71 & didn't learn to say no until probably 10 years ago. Like you I was always given more work, assigned the extra duties, expected to do more because I did it. Because of some other things going on in my life at that time I wasn't able to do it all so had to say no & boy was that not expected/appreciated but for me it was okay.

I wonder if you could start out slowly & say no once in awhile to see how it feels and then go from there. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Jordan2 · ‎03-16-2010

@bikerbabe wrote:
Just sending a hug and to say you can still be kind and thoughtful while setting boundaries and saying “No”.

Maybe it stems from needing to be liked and lower self-esteem? It was for me.

@bikerbabe you nailed it! I am a people pleaser, with low self esteem who wants to be liked. I did complain about something recently, I was told just do it and to be a team player( which I am). I don't say anything because it doesn't help anyway.

Natureluvr · ‎06-14-2018

@Jordan2 ~ I think some traits can be considered positive or negative depending on the situation at hand. You sound like a very kind person and unfortunately some people take advantage of that.

I’ve always been a “people-pleaser” and learned from a therapist that NO is a complete sentence. I’m still working on that one!

You could try practicing ways of being more assertive without changing who you are. Sending hugs.

Meowingkitty · ‎06-19-2010

I used to be like that. If my job needed someone who work holidays or weekends they knew they could ask me. As I grew up and got wiser realizing it was getting me nowhere I stopped being so willing to accommodate. I stopped being a doormat. Getting laid off multiple times and having to start over in a new job I wised up and took care of number one. I stopped being so accommodating.

moonandthestars · ‎03-11-2010

@Jordan2 Please don't change. (or change much anyway!) You sound like an amazing person. Being kind, sweet, responsible and well mannered are all very good things. More should be like you. I understand in this current world these characteristics are dwindling and many people like to take advantage of that goodness. If you do feel taken advantage of, then sometime or other allow yourself to graciously to say no to some extra task or work. Otherwise, know you are a good example for the world. Be yourself.