Re: I can't do this anymore.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I haven't even begun to read all the replies, and may never.

What I do want to do is let you know that I (and I'm sure many others here) support you one thousand percent.

I believe that letting go in this way, at this time, was not only very necessary for you, but that it was necessary for your father to hear it as well. I refuse to accept that people can behave badly and abusively throughout a lifetime, and shouldn't be called on it.

We've all had someone in our family that gets away with the abuse and degradation of those around them for decades and decades, yet no one speaks up. I applaud you for being the one to do it in your situation.

You have a difficult road right now, with your mother being ill, and your father still in the picture, and I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom about how to deal with him, but we know that your mom, and her health is the most important thing right now, and I know you want to do what is necessary to make her life less stressful and more comfortable, so I'm sure you are going to do what you must.

I wish you strength and peace in your heart, because what you did was not wrong, and bears no shame, and should not cause you regret. Some things in life are ugly, and uncomfortable, but need to be said and done. I'm guessing you speak for more people in your family, and I hope they will step up, and not only support you, but relate to your father the same sentiments that you did, even if in their own way and words, and actions. It would be good for you if others in your circle could come together and no longer accept what he does and says, and let him know unconditionally it is over and done, but I know that in the real world, this doesn't often happen, and you could be standing alone on the mountain.

Please know that if you do feel yourself standing alone, that at least here, there are those who have experienced similar things, understand, and are holding you up in thought and prayer.

I hope that despite this wrenching end to the year, the new one will hold some hope and happiness.

LucyInTheSky · ‎12-20-2015

@Gemspirit wrote:
@LucyInTheSky~I feel you and hear you. I'm here. What else would have grown women on a tv sales network on New Years!?
My problem, issue, person is different but just as hurtful and, damaging. My now grown children grew u asking " what kind of mood is "he" in today? How very sad. And as grown, married adults they make endless excuses for someone who has hurt the (and me) for their entire lives.
You've got my support. I've dealt with many other challenges in my life. But THIS has been the most hurtful and made me feel alone and very sad.
I hear you...you aren't alone.

Sending you big hugs @Gemspirit. Looks like WE aren't alone. Best wishes to you my friend for a better new year.

LucyInTheSky · ‎12-20-2015

@Mominohio BEAUTIFUL post. Thank you for your support... I can't begin to express what it means to me.

NC Bandwagon · ‎05-03-2014

Hello, LucyInTheSky.

I'm really sorry for the abuse you've suffered and that ringing in the new year hasn't been pleasent for you.

Cut toxic people from your life, buy some chocolate and take care of yourself.

~Nick Chavez is my favorite vendor on QVC and Alberti Popaj is my favorite QVC host.~
Nick Chavez now has his own sub-forum under the My Favorite Brand folder

KingstonsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@LucyInTheSky

You're not alone.......except in my case it was my mother.

At the advice of my therapist, I cut her toxic personality completely out of my life almost 20 years ago, with no regrets.

Not sure if she's still alive, but if not, I know where she is.

Good luck to you.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

There are times when those closest to us (by blood, at least) can be the most hurtful individuals in our lives. I had a situation like this in my life and my husband did in his family too. A family is only as strong as its weakest link, and if that link leads to your misery, it's in your best interest to move on and take care of yourself.

I learned that when we try to blame ourselves for saying or doing something that triggers the other person's rages or cold shoulder, we enter a vortex with no escape. Someone who behaves badly is responsible for that bad behavior. Nobody has the right to abuse another for any reason. If you can talk this through with a therapist, it might really help. My husband and I know that from personal experience. We learned how to best deal with the abusers. We also learned that we can only gain control of our own behavior, not the abuser's.

AngelPuppy1 · ‎03-13-2010

@LucyInTheSky

Yes, I agree - it is a terrible way to start the new year. But I'm sure you took all that you could take. Please, please, do not carry the burden of what happened around with you forever. I can tell from the sound of your post that you are not a mean or nasty person and that you care deeply for your family and for others.

You needed to get this off your chest. So, perhaps it's better that you did and it was at the start of a new year so you can start somewhat fresh. While its true that it's doubtful that it will change things, at least you vented and allowed yourself to speak your mind of -- no doubt -- many things you have been holding in for a very long time. Maybe now, to some degree, you can focus on you, and know that you are a good person and that nothing you have done caused any of this and nothing you can do will ever change some people and make them see the light. You cannot control their actions, only yours.

I wish you the best in this coming year and I wish you peace of mind and the strength to deal with everything that you have to deal with.

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin

cotton4me · ‎03-09-2010

Lucy it sounds like venting to your father was something that needed to be done, not only for your mental health but for your dad too. Whether he “hears” you or not is another matter but at least you gave your pain a voice. Keeping so much inside isn’t healthy. This is probably one of the best things you could do for yourself

I used to go to a Qigong healer. After several sessions I broke down in tears and shared things I’d never shared before. He said he could see a lot of bad energy being released from my body as I spoke. He said it was important for me to find someone to talk to.

I’m glad you shared. I’m glad you were able to let out some of your anger. Perhaps this is a new beginning.

Sending prayers and hugs to you.

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

I'm glad to see the ladies on this board have made you feel better right away, LucyInTheSky. Perhaps you got your Christmas miracle a few days late. Don't feel as if you have to decide what this means and what you must do about it right now. Just try to relax and process what happened over time. I'd strongly encourage you not to walk away from the situation in a way that would harm you financially if it is at all avoidable. It's great that so many shared their own pain so that you know you are not alone.

butterfly123 · ‎06-27-2013

@LucyInTheSky

I am praying for you and your family. Lucy, you have so many friends here and please know I also support you also. So many who posted wrote with compassion, understanding and support. I am humbled by those of you who posted with so much encouragement, understanding and heartfelt thoughts. Lucy, because of your post so much kindness came thru on the boards and I am so glad that you spoke your truth. I pray that the healing now begins for you and that you are strengthened.