Community Chat

[LucyInTheSky]

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@Bestdressed wrote:

@LucyInTheSky ... Hugs to you! Trust your intincts and please keep posting.  This is a nice thread and just goes to show how we can all come together.  This thread probably helped quite a few people... including myself.

Cheers to @LucyInTheSky and everyone here. I hope the New Year brings a bright,  positive future for all!

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Thank you @Bestdressed!  I hope it has helped others as well.  And my best wishes to you and everyone for a Happy New Year!!

[croemer]

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@Stormygirl wrote:

LucyInTheSky....a big hug to you. Is nice to see all the sound advice, loving support you have here. Is warming to see we can come for such and receive. You have been given good advice and I cant add to what has already been said except some of us know exactly what you are going through. I cried a few tears after reading your post as for me it was my toxic abusive Foster-Mother and her abuse still gives me nightmares. I cannot go into great detail but I was trapped and severely beaten almost on a daily basis....and one day after much painful abuse I snapped and broke her nose. She never hit me again but I left my toxic abusive foster family behind over 30 years ago. I miss having a family that I never had and I wish it hadn't come to blows before I finally left. I was one of 11 children given up for foster care and was shuffled in the system like a stray squirrell. There is help available today there wasn't back then. 2 of my brothers and a sister I never met killed themselves when they aged out of the antiquated foster system and lived on the streets. I am the one terminally ill now but  I am a survivor. Hugs to you and be well.

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Stormy I am so sorry...how devastating. Bless you...

[emma bunting]

Lucy..........you might not believe this......but I honestly could have written your post. It's uncanny.......but I went through the same exact experience. I, too, unloaded on an abusive father when he was abusing my mom......who was dying of cancer. 

The only thing I can say to you.........is that you will never regret being there for your Mom.....and you will never regret standing up to your Dad. I only wish I had done it a lot sooner. 

 Just remember........HE is the one who is sick. And you CAN eventually let go of the anger and hurt that he has brought to your life. Don't let him do any more  damage. Protect your Mom.........AND yourself. 

God bless you all. 

[catwhisperer]

Reading some of these posts about abuse is heart breaking. Back in the 50's and 60's when I grew up and was abused, it was not reported. Neighbors saw what was going on, but said nothing. Nowadays it is considered child abuse. My mother should have been put in jail, as other parents of posters on this board. Instead, we have to live with this mentally for the rest of our lives.

[LucyInTheSky]

@emma bunting

[Catty2]

I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through and also your mother's cancer.  You are brave to finally tell your father what you did.  I hope you will consider finding a counselor who can help you deal with these things.  Sending you my support for a better 2016. 

[NYwoman]

So sorry that you have to put up with your father, especially trying to protect your mother.

I grew up with an abusive  father.   My mother was the "Edith Bunker " type.   They were both only children who had to care for their parents.  I remember having a piggy bank to save money to protect me from my father.   I had an older sister who was the light of their life.  They wanted a son but got me, a daughter.  Then I had to live in a wheelchair---a second disappointment that I was reminded of always.  

My sister is my exact opposite and reminds me constantly how worthless she thinks I aI have cut ties with herm.  She has a PhD and a failed marriage and lives alone with 2 rescue cats.   I have cut ties with her for my own mental health.  

There are social services out there that might be able to help with intervention.  Here, Jewish family services has such services, even if you are not Jewish.   

BTW my father died of a heart condition.  My mother developed Alzheimer's and died alone.   They are to be pitied, really.

My prayers are with you. Lucy.    {{{{{{ LucyinTheSky }}}}}}   

[catwhisperer]

I'm sure this will offend some people, but I do not for the life of me understand why so many people automatically recommend "meds/therapy/counseling/etc" every time someone has a problem. Been there, done that, decades ago. Some of the counselors/therapists are nuttier than fruit cakes and need help themselves. I try to use common sense and stay away from toxic, abusive people. 

[skuggles]

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@catwhisperer wrote:

I'm sure this will offend some people, but I do not for the life of me understand why so many people automatically recommend "meds/therapy/counseling/etc" every time someone has a problem. Been there, done that, decades ago. Some of the counselors/therapists are nuttier than fruit cakes and need help themselves. I try to use common sense and stay away from toxic, abusive people. 

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I'm not offended in the least. You ask why "so many people ..." so I'll answer for myself.You are right. Just like the population as a whole some councilors/therapists could and do use therapist themselves. Many have lifetime therapy for the sake of their own sanity and that of their clients that they return to on a regular and irregular basis depending. Common sense is not a solution for very deep emotional problems and it never has been. Common sense can be extremely helpful and protective in many instances but very difficult to apply when emotions are disturbed and they have resulted from behavior that is outside the control of the individual and yet so deeply tied to their sense of well being.   

[Moonchilde]

Adding my experience in brief, for Lucy. You are not alone.

My birth father was physically abusive to me and to my mother - much more to my mother..

My step-father, and my mother by her many years of silence, were emotionally abusive to me from the age of 11 until he went into an Alzheimers facility decades later. He was abusive and frightening to my mom as well, mostly emotionally, as he took about 15 years to sink into Alzheimers (though it ran through his family and he'd probably had it for decades). He would have gone in for se*ual abuse (half-hearted attempts) but he was too much of a chicken-s**t to follow through. I was a backward child in some respects, but not THAT backward.

I have had some therapy, but have never had the time or $$ to indulge in very much.  After 45+ years of the experience, I deal and have moved on, but some part of it will ALWAYS be a part of you.

Be proud of your "meltdown", Lucy. I hope it scared the carp out of him.