Community Chat

[Marp]

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@Leeny wrote:

@Annabellethecat66.. Exactly, why does a 85 yr. old woman with Dementia need a phone? It's ridiculous. Who needs to have the phone ringing at 4AM in the morning? My DD is an RN and works late and needs her sleep. It's crazy....

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When your daughter gets awakened by these calls encourage her to call your cousin just to report having received a call from your mother.  See how she likes getting a dead of night phone call.

[CatLoverDogsToo]

     The original poster states her mother doesn't know how to work the phone due to dementia.  I am not sure how she is making calls. Is a staff member helping her to do it?  The battery could also be removed from the phone. I also like fhe idea of removing all numbers but the cousins. 

    I would be careful what you do, as the cousin, if a troublemaker, could initiate and investigation stating you are "isolating" your mother from other family members.  I am not saying this to alarm you, just giving you something to think about. Family members can cause all sorts of problems, and some enjoy doing it.

    I went through a nasty court battle when I was taking care of my mother, my brother who had no involvement with my mother for years, all of a sudden was "grieved" and accused me of all kinds of nonsense. Cost me a lot of money, and eventually I had to represent myself in court because I could no longer afford attorney fees. I ended up winning. In this country any one can sue for any reason, no matter how petty or frivolous the reason is and a POA doesn't protect you from any of it.

    As a side note: There is an ongoing study indicating that the "waves" emitted from cellphones are beneficial to Alzheimers patients, somehow it enables connections in their brains and results in some brief periods of lucidity. Not saying this pertains to the original poster's problem, just an interesting thing. If I can find the studies I will post the links.

    i hope you get this resolved. It is very hard dealing with all of it and a problem cousin as well.

[software]

Let your DD block the phone number.   That seems to be the only problem.   A nursing home is not prison, your mom is entitled to have a cell phone.   I think you have an issue with the cousin.   The cousin is not doing anything inappropriate.  If it impacts your mom negatively, that's another issue.   Let it go.

@Leeny

[qualitygal]

As POWER of atty., you have the POWER to tend to that. TAke the phone from your mother, and tell her what the new plan will be (according to you). Then cancel the phone. 

[SaRina]

The cousin has no legal authority. You do. You, therefore, set the rules. It's too bad you waited a couple of years with this. I would have returned the cell phone to cousin so she could get her money back and explained that anything she wishes to give your mom should be run by you first. Perhaps you can do this moving forward. And, by all means, as others have suggested, inform the nursing home staff about visitors bringing things -- even food.

The cousin obviously doesn't understand much, if anything, about people with dementia and the havoc they can create if given such technological items.

I don't know the degree of your mom's dementia, but perhaps she would enjoy listening to soothing music through headphones. So I would still take the phone away now and replace it with this activity, which shouldn't bother anyone else. It's something you can try while you are there to see how she handles it.

ETA: My concern with letting your mom keep the cell phone but removing the SIM card so she can't make calls is that this can cause extreme frustration in someone with dementia, causing them to act out. 

[mima]

I'm still trying to figure out how she is nosey by giving your mom a cell phone.  

I like the idea about taking all the numbers out except the cousins.  I think that is a great!

[SaRina]

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@mima wrote:

I'm still trying to figure out how she is nosey by giving your mom a cell phone.  

I like the idea about taking all the numbers out except the cousins.  I think that is a great!

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I would assume "being nosey" means "interfering" as the OP stated -- that she has been controlling to some extent and is butting in where not asked or wanted.

If you have ever taken care of someone with dementia, many need to be monitored very, very closely. Anything given to them should be reviewed and cleared.

[CelticCrafter]

I would take the phone away from her, put it in a box and mail it bacck to the cousin. 

[Suziepeach]

@Leeny, first and foremost you are her daughter- the cousin is only a cousin- plus you are POA and like I was with my Dad, I basically spoke for him.  Do away with the phone, if your cousin doesn't like it, tough!  

[Yardlie]

I agree...take the phone away from her. When my parents first put my grandmother in a nursing home, she was calling my parents about 10 times a day begging to get out.

My parents talked to the social worker at the nursing home. She recommended my parents remove the phone from my grandmother's room. She said it is very common for the inpatient resident to exhibit this type of behavior when they are recently admitted. She told us that there is a cordless phone at the nurses' station that my grandmother could use if she needed one...or the nurse could bring my grandmother the phone if someone called her.

Just tell your cousin that you have taken the phone away, and if she wants to continue making the monthly fees for the phone, that is up to her.

You are her power of attorney for what...health care or finance? At any rate, you could make a case for your daughter's sanity. Just take the phone away from her, and ask your cousin to stay out of the situation.