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Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,318
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

@amyb  thank you for your kind words. My mother was ready to go, she had said goodbye to all her loved ones, telling us not to be sad. At the end she was in so much pain, I miss her more than I can say, but at least she is no longer suffering. The woman who prepared my mother's body for burial, said she had a smile on her face. We buried my mother with her favorite coffee mug ( she loved her coffee) and a word search puzzle book and pen ( she loved doing puzzles). I hope she's having a cup of coffee while she's doing her puzzle.

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 94
Registered: ‎11-20-2012
Jordan, I’m so sorry and I also relate. My Mom is 97 and at home and we’ve been managing her care for years. She now needs more and this is why I’m posting...you have the option of in home hospice care, which is “comfort care” A hospice manager explained that people think it’s only for very end of life situations...it’s not. It’s for comfort care unlike doctors, hospitals etc are designated for curing or making patients well. It’s an incredible program of services, which can be administered at home or in a nursing facility AND IS covered by Medicare. I know this doesn’t help your heartache, but if you can make your Mom as comfortable as possible in the her surroundings, that may bring you comfort as well. I too dread the day I lose my Mom, so I just try to make the most of every day and moment that she is here. If you’re interested, contact a hospice care agency close to you and they may be able to help in ways you wouldn’t have thought possible. Remember, if continued care is needed after 6 months (Medicare structured wording) and your Mom needs the services, they will renew. Also, if she is doing better and doesn’t need the services, you can cancel. I hope something in my note will help...it’s so sad to watch our parents decline, but I believe the best peace we can give them is for them to know we’re going to be ok....sad and grieving, but ok. My Best to you.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 24,685
Registered: ‎07-21-2011

@Jordan2  Of course you are upset.  This is your mother.  You can never relplace a mother's love or daughter's love.  You are doing the right thing by finding a nursing home.  The ones that are normally better are not a chain and owned by a private party if you can find one.  It is very difficult to take care of someone if you are still working because you will end up in the hospital.  Do not fell guilty about not being able to do it all.  You can see your mother whenever you want.  You sound like a very loving daughter and I praise you for taking care of your mother.

kindness is strength
Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,045
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I know there are few here...including me who have been where you are...I know how tough it is been there several times. Praying for your Mom...take in all moments you have with her...take lots of pics...and if she can still call you ...save those messages. I did...but then Sprint in their wisdom erased all my parent's messages...that hurt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Careful... I have caps lock and I am not afraid to use it.**
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,955
Registered: ‎08-13-2010

We can't stop death no matter what we do. Not one of us has that power. I have a friend that feels guilt everyday about her Mom's death. Her Mom was in her 90's and my friend did everything. Maybe I think a different way thinking wow to live in your 90's that is great. I don't understand when someone is young that dies, that upsets me. To me it seems they never had a chance of life. I do understand when a parent or close family member/friend dies it does hurt so bad. I just want to say none of us can control death. The living sometimes live with guilt and it's not our fault. We don't have that control.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,971
Registered: ‎04-05-2010

@Jordan2 wrote:

@amyb  thank you for your kind words. My mother was ready to go, she had said goodbye to all her loved ones, telling us not to be sad. At the end she was in so much pain, I miss her more than I can say, but at least she is no longer suffering. The woman who prepared my mother's body for burial, said she had a smile on her face. We buried my mother with her favorite coffee mug ( she loved her coffee) and a word search puzzle book and pen ( she loved doing puzzles). I hope she's having a cup of coffee while she's doing her puzzle.


❤️☕️📓🖊

Valued Contributor
Posts: 942
Registered: ‎06-27-2010

It sounds like you've been doing a wonderful job. Elderly patients are hard to care for even in a hospital. Many medications don't agree with eldery people. Many diet changes have to be made some times because their bodies can no longer process food or meds the way they used to. I'm an only child and my Dad just turned 97. My Mom will be 97 in 3 weeks. They have a lot of help from the office of the aging. It's hard. Between me & my daughter & our husbands we have kept them in their home. I doubt that will be the case much longer. They get confused & don't comprehend everything. Prayer's for you & your Mom.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,267
Registered: ‎01-05-2015

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

[ Edited ]

@Jordan2 wrote:

@amyb  thank you for your kind words. My mother was ready to go, she had said goodbye to all her loved ones, telling us not to be sad. At the end she was in so much pain, I miss her more than I can say, but at least she is no longer suffering. The woman who prepared my mother's body for burial, said she had a smile on her face. We buried my mother with her favorite coffee mug ( she loved her coffee) and a word search puzzle book and pen ( she loved doing puzzles). I hope she's having a cup of coffee while she's doing her puzzle.

 

 

 

@Jordan2 ...I'm so happy to see your post!...I've been thinking of you!...I was so touched to read that you buried your Mom with her favorite coffee mug and puzzle book...I'm sure she would get quite a kick out of your loving gesture...Cherish all of the very special loving memories that will always keep you together forever!

 

Please be gentle and patient with yourself and allow the roller-coaster of emotions to flow as you go through this difficult time, as they will eventually prove to be very healing as time goes by.

 

I hope to see you over at the TV and Movies forum enjoying your special shows!...I've always enjoyed sharing with you on the various threads...I'm sure you and  your Mom enjoyed them together as well!

 

Take good care and be sure to pamper yourself! Heart

~~Formerly known as "WildFlowers"~~
Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,318
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

@MyShadowLove wrote:

@Jordan2 wrote:

@amyb  thank you for your kind words. My mother was ready to go, she had said goodbye to all her loved ones, telling us not to be sad. At the end she was in so much pain, I miss her more than I can say, but at least she is no longer suffering. The woman who prepared my mother's body for burial, said she had a smile on her face. We buried my mother with her favorite coffee mug ( she loved her coffee) and a word search puzzle book and pen ( she loved doing puzzles). I hope she's having a cup of coffee while she's doing her puzzle.

 

 

 

@Jordan2 ...I'm so happy to see your post!...I've been thinking of you!...I was so touched to read that you buried your Mom with her favorite coffee mug and puzzle book...I'm sure she would get quite a kick out of your loving gesture...Cherish all of the very special loving memories that will always keep you together forever!

 

Please be gentle and patient with yourself and allow the roller-coaster of emotions to flow as you go through this difficult time, as they will eventually prove to be very healing as time goes by.

 

I hope to see you over at the TV and Movies forum enjoying your special shows!...I've always enjoyed sharing with you on the various threads...I'm sure you and  your Mom enjoyed them together as well!

 

Take good care and be sure to pamper yourself! Heart


@MyShadowLove  thanks, your too kind. I hope after a certain amount of time has passed I'll start feeling better.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,483
Registered: ‎10-19-2011

@Jordan2 

 

I'm so sorry for your loss and understand the terrible pain inside your sweet heart. It's almost impossible for me to comment about losing our mothers...for me anyway...she was my best and only friend....I never got over her loss. I never got to say good bye nor visit....It broke me. Everything reminds me of her. I wake every day missing her...calling her. I hear her voice. She was so loving. I'm glad you have your family. I wish you a healing heart and strength ahead. What a wonderful mother you were blessed with. What a long and lovely life she had having you as her daughter too. 

-Do Not Copy Pls-