Community Chat

[Jordan2]

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@cbrite wrote:

@Jordan2 

I'm so sorry for your loss and understand the terrible pain inside your sweet heart. It's almost impossible for me to comment about losing our mothers...for me anyway...she was my best and only friend....I never got over her loss. I never got to say good bye nor visit....It broke me. Everything reminds me of her. I wake every day missing her...calling her. I hear her voice. She was so loving. I'm glad you have your family. I wish you a healing heart and strength ahead. What a wonderful mother you were blessed with. What a long and lovely life she had having you as her daughter too. 

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@cbrite  thank you so much, you also have my condolences. My mother too was my best friend, she always said to me you're so good to me, I don't know what I'd do without you. Not having her around anymore has left a big void in my life. I'll be good at times, then any little thing can set me off. I'm just taking things one day at a time.

[lovescats]

I'm so sorry to read that your mother passed away.  

[Jordan2]

As many of you know my mother passed away. She worked with this woman a lot of years ago and still kept in touch with her. Anyway while my mother was ill they would speak very often several times a week. I met this woman maybe once, she isn't old enough to be my mother, however she is many years older than I. I don't know if my mother told her to keep in touch with me, but she called almost everyday at first, now she calls 2 or 3 times a week. When I speak with her, she says things to me I don't like, I don't say anything back because she is so much older than I. She'll say something like she's my mother (she never married or had children ), believe me, she is nothing like my mother, my mother would never have said an unkind word to me. I don't feel good about myself after I speak with her, I don't really want to speak to her, but I don't know how to get out of it.

[Anonymous032819]

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@Jordan2 wrote:

As many of you know my mother passed away. She worked with this woman a lot of years ago and still kept in touch with her. Anyway while my mother was ill they would speak very often several times a week. I met this woman maybe once, she isn't old enough to be my mother, however she is many years older than I. I don't know if my mother told her to keep in touch with me, but she called almost everyday at first, now she calls 2 or 3 times a week. When I speak with her, she says things to me I don't like, I don't say anything back because she is so much older than I. She'll say something like she's my mother (she never married or had children ), believe me, she is nothing like my mother, my mother would never have said an unkind word to me. I don't feel good about myself after I speak with her, I don't really want to speak to her, but I don't know how to get out of it.

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@Jordan2 

How do you get out of it?

Easy. You don't allow her to treat you that way.

Just because she's older, does NOT mean that you have to put up with her treating you like that.

The  next time that she does, you stop her, and YOU  speak YOUR mind, and then you block all calls/texts/emails from her.

[proudlyfromNJ]

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@Jordan2 wrote:

As many of you know my mother passed away. She worked with this woman a lot of years ago and still kept in touch with her. Anyway while my mother was ill they would speak very often several times a week. I met this woman maybe once, she isn't old enough to be my mother, however she is many years older than I. I don't know if my mother told her to keep in touch with me, but she called almost everyday at first, now she calls 2 or 3 times a week. When I speak with her, she says things to me I don't like, I don't say anything back because she is so much older than I. She'll say something like she's my mother (she never married or had children ), believe me, she is nothing like my mother, my mother would never have said an unkind word to me. I don't feel good about myself after I speak with her, I don't really want to speak to her, but I don't know how to get out of it.

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@Jordan2  I'm very sorry to hear about your Mother. 

[Cakers3]

@Jordan2   I'm sorry your dear Mom passed away.

As far as this woman, the answer isn't in not answering the phone and just deleting any message she may leave.  You are going to stress everytime your phone rings, regardless of whether or not you answer.  If she leaves a message, you will still have to at least hear her voice-how can you just delete a message without knowing who left it??

I don't know what else she has said to you; you only said she is considering herself as your mother now.

While I get you do not consider her in that light, perhaps your mom did ask her to check in on you.  This woman may not be intentionally mean; perhaps her lack of parenting has her feeling a need to honor your mom by reaching out to you in that she is available for you if you need her.

She may not have worded what she said in a way that is comfortable for you; but I do not see her (yet) in a negative way.  She appears to lack some communication skills.

I would express myself as calmly as possible to let her know you are doing ok; you appreciate her concern and prefer to have your time to yourself from now on.

Since she has already lessened the amount of time she is calling, she will eventually stop.  From daily to 2 or 3 times a week indicates she either recognizes you do not need her help or she herself is now feeling her place is out of line overall, or both.

Good luck; we all express ourselves at times in ways others may not appreciate; it doesn't make us bad people or cruel or inconsiderate;  death is handled in so many different ways.

[Anonymous032819]

Or, the woman may have taken upon herself to be @Jordan2  's surrogate "mom", after her mom passed.

[Jersey Born]

@Jordan2 I am so sorry about your dear mother's passing.  Perhaps getting a blank journal and writing down a lot of happy, wonderful memories of your mom as well as letters to your mother will help you adjust to the days ahead.  I wish there were a hospital based bereavement group you could join, but at this time, they would likely be phone or online sessions.

Regarding that friend of your mother's, all you can do is have an honest discussion with the woman.  When she calls again, tell her that certain things she is saying to you (whatever they are) are causing you additional emotional pain, or distress, or unhappiness, and what you need right now is to have some space and time alone, so you can reflect upon your memories and your loss, and try adjust to life without your mother.  Negativity is not what you need, especially at this time.  This woman has no right to cause you any additional grief.  Sending my best wishes to you.  I know that confronting difficult, assertive people is never easy, and this woman will likely become agitated when you tell her that she is making you upset with her words.    

[proudlyfromNJ]

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@Cakers3 wrote:

@Jordan2   I'm sorry your dear Mom passed away.

As far as this woman, the answer isn't in not answering the phone and just deleting any message she may leave.  You are going to stress everytime your phone rings, regardless of whether or not you answer.  If she leaves a message, you will still have to at least hear her voice-how can you just delete a message without knowing who left it??

I don't know what else she has said to you; you only said she is considering herself as your mother now.

While I get you do not consider her in that light, perhaps your mom did ask her to check in on you.  This woman may not be intentionally mean; perhaps her lack of parenting has her feeling a need to honor your mom by reaching out to you in that she is available for you if you need her.

She may not have worded what she said in a way that is comfortable for you; but I do not see her (yet) in a negative way.  She appears to lack some communication skills.

I would express myself as calmly as possible to let her know you are doing ok; you appreciate her concern and prefer to have your time to yourself from now on.

Since she has already lessened the amount of time she is calling, she will eventually stop.  From daily to 2 or 3 times a week indicates she either recognizes you do not need her help or she herself is now feeling her place is out of line overall, or both.

Good luck; we all express ourselves at times in ways others may not appreciate; it doesn't make us bad people or cruel or inconsiderate;  death is handled in so many different ways.

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@Cakers3   Once again you are right and I am wrong. 

[suzyQ3]

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@Jordan2 wrote:

My mother passed away early this morning. My sister called me at 3:00 am, the nursing home notified her. We went over to the nursing home to say our goodbyes. We were told she went peacefully and wasn’t alone. I am extremely sad of course, I take comfort in knowing she is no longer in pain and suffering, she is with my dad and brother. Thanks to all who offered advice and prayers, I appreciate them more than you know.

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@Jordan2, I just this today. I am so very sorry for your loss.