Community Chat

[pinkskates4]

I think part of the hurt can be attributed to folks who say they want to do something nice for your birthday and then turn it into some sort of inconvenience.

The friend's mother who said she wanted to take her out - and then didn't.

The other friend who got a better offer and backed out.

And finally the friend who couldn't pay for the lunch, but apparently wanted to take credit for the gesture anyway.

To me - either you do something nice for someone or you don't. You don't make a big production out of it and/or act like its putting you out to do it.

It wasn't as if OP ASKED to be taken out. They suggested it.

And it seems that the OP has done several things for them - taking them out - even buying their groceries etc.

So again - since they suggested taking her out, it would have been nice if they had actually done so - and to a place of her choosing.

[Preds]

Happy Day After B'Day! Hope you and Mia have a beautiful weekend.

[JustJules]

On 6/21/2014 Preds said:

Happy Day After B'Day! Hope you and Mia have a beautiful weekend.

Thank you Preds!! From both Mia and me. Happy 1st day of Summer!!!!! *hugs*

[JustJules]

On 6/21/2014 Dagna said:

I think part of the hurt can be attributed to folks who say they want to do something nice for your birthday and then turn it into some sort of inconvenience.

The friend's mother who said she wanted to take her out - and then didn't.

The other friend who got a better offer and backed out.

And finally the friend who couldn't pay for the lunch, but apparently wanted to take credit for the gesture anyway.

To me - either you do something nice for someone or you don't. You don't make a big production out of it and/or act like its putting you out to do it.

It wasn't as if OP ASKED to be taken out. They suggested it.

And it seems that the OP has done several things for them - taking them out - even buying their groceries etc.

So again - since they suggested taking her out, it would have been nice if they had actually done so - and to a place of her choosing.

Dagna, thank you, you actually get it! When I try to do something nice for someone I want it to be an enjoyable experience for them, especially on special occasions. I would never dream of cancelling birthday plans on a friend the day of, unless I had to go the the Emergency Room or something. Also, when I make plans, I do it based on what I can do....if I can't afford it, or can't make it the best experience possible, then I don't make plans to do it. It's not like I expected her to take me to a 5-star restaurant (not like we have one anyway haha) or treat me to a spa day, but she asked me out and she took me where she wanted to go. It was just not the ideal experience, but I am far from angry over it, and I don't think basic disappointment is overreaction. Oh well, new day, over it. As many said, it can go in the vault as a funny b-day memory.

[pinkskates4]

On 6/21/2014 Jules5280 said:

On 6/21/2014 Dagna said:

I think part of the hurt can be attributed to folks who say they want to do something nice for your birthday and then turn it into some sort of inconvenience.

The friend's mother who said she wanted to take her out - and then didn't.

The other friend who got a better offer and backed out.

And finally the friend who couldn't pay for the lunch, but apparently wanted to take credit for the gesture anyway.

To me - either you do something nice for someone or you don't. You don't make a big production out of it and/or act like its putting you out to do it.

It wasn't as if OP ASKED to be taken out. They suggested it.

And it seems that the OP has done several things for them - taking them out - even buying their groceries etc.

So again - since they suggested taking her out, it would have been nice if they had actually done so - and to a place of her choosing.

Dagna, thank you, you actually get it! When I try to do something nice for someone I want it to be an enjoyable experience for them, especially on special occasions. I would never dream of cancelling birthday plans on a friend the day of, unless I had to go the the Emergency Room or something. Also, when I make plans, I do it based on what I can do....if I can't afford it, or can't make it the best experience possible, then I don't make plans to do it. It's not like I expected her to take me to a 5-star restaurant (not like we have one anyway haha) or treat me to a spa day, but she asked me out and she took me where she wanted to go. It was just not the ideal experience, but I am far from angry over it, and I don't think basic disappointment is overreaction. Oh well, new day, over it. As many said, it can go in the vault as a funny b-day memory.

Exactly. If you are taking someone out for her birthday - it should be about her having a fun experience. And if that's a problem, then just don't do it. Get a card and call it a day.

[stevieb]

Giving the benefit of the doubt, I guess I'd try to assume everyone meant well, but gosh, what a bummer of a birthday lunch... and I think your disappointment is fully justified. Hope the day got better and that you had a happy birthday, and incidentally, your description of the event didn't seem harsh or judgmental to me, but then some folks just look for reasons to lambaste others on these boards...

[Financialgrl]

I grew up in a family with stepchildren in the mix, making celebrations difficult. Because of that, we'd many times have many holidays or celebrations on days/other weeks than the actual day (Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, etc). We just rolled with the punches and it became our norm.

I totally get the way you feel and all that happened that day was hurtful and kinda tacky so instead, look at it like this - you got to have lunch with a friend, cuz that's what happened, she didn't take you out. Now that it's over, go do something for YOU - the actual day is gone but so what? Go do what you said you would have done had you known that was the intent, pick a nice place and have dinner either alone or invite someone else that you know can afford such a place and pay for your own meal. That way there will be no expectations on anyone.

Just wondering - your friend doesn't sound that old - my father, a child of the depression, died 1.5 years ago and never went out, I bought all the food in the house and really never saw how much times have changed and everything costs more. He was extremely cheap and never kept up with the fact that gas still isn't 20 cents a gallon, 40 cents for a hamburger, etc. He lived with me for the last 8 years of his life and offer to take me out for dinner but once in a restaurant when he saw the prices, he'd pick the cheapest thing on the menu (that whole depression mentality) yet he certainly could afford anything. Could it be your friend is the same and now just doesn't keep up with the rising costs and was shocked at the prices? Either way, it's over now - next year you will know better and you can make arrangements for you on your day and tell her you have plans but meet her another day and have it just be lunch among friends and be prepared to pay for your own meal at a chain type restaurant.

BTW, Happy Birthday!!

[JustJules]

Hi BeanCounter, thanks for your thoughts and that is a great suggestion, I will do that. I don't want to copy/paste it because it is so long, but please see my post above #182. I just caught up on this thread this morning and tried to clarify a few things. Thanks again.

Thank you too Stevieb, and my day was happy. I didn't think it was harsh, I just think some people chose to read in between the lines and look for problems where there were none. *shrugs*