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Valued Contributor
Posts: 704
Registered: ‎05-31-2018

Re: How to step back from a controlling sister


@goldensrbest wrote:

@Big Joanie wrote:

My family is so bad we can't even all be at a wedding without a fight

taking place ....

 

So about 15 years ago we cut off all contact .. I didn't want my children

thinking this was the norm .......


That is sad ,family means everything.


Not to everyone.  And it is very sad, but how much should one person have to take?  It will be 2 years this January that my toxic sister demanded that I never contact her again.  I am so happy to be rid of her.  Her anger was at me for not sending her or anyone a Christmas card.  I have never ever sent cards.  No mention of her theft from ours mothers estate.  The trashing of the hosue that I had to pay to repair.  

 

Good riddance!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,229
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: How to step back from a controlling sister

@Petepetey  That sounds exactly like my sister.  Only she is the younger (there are only 2 of us).   I moved away very early - at 14 - and at 25 I moved more than 3,000 miles away.  It doesn't matter.  I could move to the moon and she would pursue me and accuse me of all sorts of things.  One of the things she has never and will never forgive me is that I am 2 years older than she.

 

So, no matter what you do, she will always "get" to you.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,952
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: How to step baI ck from a controlling sister

I opened this to make sure my sister didn't write this. Thankfully not! Good luck dealing with your gem of a sister. Does she really think your mom will be around in ten years...five...? Be doubly kind to your mom to make up for your older sister's deplorable behavior.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,454
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

Re: How to step baI ck from a controlling sister

My older sister hasn't spoken to me in over 25 years. I don't care; she made my childhood a living hell.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,873
Registered: ‎07-03-2013

Re: How to step back from a controlling sister

I'll give you a different perspective.  My sister has controlled every holiday.  The family didn't know the time of the get together until the day of.  It's soured me a bit to the holidays.  The not knowing what time made my parents upset.  We've never been a family that talks about problems.  We push them under the rug.

 

Fast forward to 2017.  My sister gets sick, ends up in nursing home.  We no longer have holiday meals or have to worry about what time dinner is.  It puts a different spin on things.  There is no talking about the holiday issues now.  Don't know if we'll get a second chance of having holiday dinners at my sister's house.

 

So I tell you this story to give a different perspective.  Is it a PITA to do the holiday your sisters way?  Would you rather not spend holidays with her?  She sounds like it's my way or no way.  If you approached her with coming to your house, would that set her off?  Would it cause a family rift?  Do you care if there was a family rift?  I would ride this year out and make suggestions early for next year.  If it ruffled feathers, I'd probably drop it and let her continue to host.  It's three hours a handful of times a year.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,403
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: How to step baI ck from a controlling sister


@aubegirl wrote:

I have long given up on figuring out why people do what they do and say.  Be glad she scaled back the time and give her space after Christmas.  I feel sorry for your mom but nothing you can do about it.  You could try talking to your sister and asking what is wrong.  Maybe she is going through something you don't know about and taking it out on your mother.  


@aubegirl

People who take their feelings out on other people aren't very nice to begin with!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,522
Registered: ‎06-09-2014

Re: How to step back from a controlling sister

@BadWolf Thank you too! Something we oldest didn't hear a lot of either. ♥️
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,424
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: How to step back from a controlling sister


@Imaoldhippie wrote:

She sounds more than controlling, she sounds like an angry, hateful person.

 

Have a talk with your mom and see if you and her can "skip" going to grumpy's house.

 

Simply tell her that none of you are going to comply with her mean and nasty demands and here is what ya'll are going to do.  example, everyone comes to your or your moms house.  If this makes grumpy mad so what?  She is already a mad, sad and mean person what more could she do?

 

Good luck to you and your mom.


YES, YES, YES, YES Smiley Very Happy Smiley Very Happy

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,424
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: How to step baI ck from a controlling sister

[ Edited ]

@CrazyDaisy wrote:

@IG wrote:

@CrazyDaisy wrote:

Why not have a conversation with her.  Perhaps there is something going on that you are not aware.  Seems silly to post on a message board and let people take pot shots at her.


 

What seems "silly" to me, is when one poster decides what other posters should or should not post here, as well as how others respond to that poster's topic/question.

 

It's not your circus, not your monkeys. 


Did not tell anyone what they can post, i can post my opinion.  


Right on...

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,424
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: How to step back from a controlling sister

My sister and I are ten months and two weeks apart in age.  She is the older of us two and I can honestly say we were never best friends while growing up.  She is controlling and even our father said that to me a couple of years before he passed away.  I have lived 3,000 miles away from her for most of our adult life.

 

When our parents were living in an Assisted Living  facility in Florida where they all lived my sister called me and asked me to contribute to the expense.  Mind you, she was well off, no financial problems and my parents were contributing to the expense.  I was divorced, had a good job but also had two daughters who were constantly needing money.  I told my sister that because I was a single woman with one income I would not be able to contribute.  My father passed away at age 96 and my mother two years after him at age 94.  My sister never contacted me to discuss a service for either one of our parents and when I called her to discuss it she made it clear she was taking care of it.   I never knew where or when the service was held for either one of my parents. 

 

As far as my sister is concerned I am the bad daughter.  Personally I don't care what she or my two nephews and one niece think.  I kept in touch with my parents whom I adored for the years while they were alive and they knew how much I loved them, that's all that matters to me.  I am grateful I did not have to live close to my controlling sister and I feel sorry for those of you who do.  My advice...do not allow yourself to be controlled.  Unless you put a halt to it you will never know the joy of life without it.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam