How to step back from a controlling sister

petepetey · ‎03-09-2010

Holidays bring out the best and worst of people.

My older sister has been a controlling person her whole life. It came to a head for me on Thanksgiving when she got mad at my 85 year old mother because she picked out the items for a bathroom remodel on her own, didn't let my sister help her decide.

What? My mother can choose her own floor/vanity etc. for her own bathroom.

She was chilly towards my recently widowed mother that day. NOT OK.

Also she gave us the orders for Christmas, limiting our time with her family. We've had Christmas with them our whole lives. Now this year she pushed back the time to a late start. It's her house, she can do what she wants but why the change after decades of doing it the same?

My mother is very sad and upset by her behavior and so am I.

Imaoldhippie · ‎06-10-2015

She sounds more than controlling, she sounds like an angry, hateful person.

Have a talk with your mom and see if you and her can "skip" going to grumpy's house.

Simply tell her that none of you are going to comply with her mean and nasty demands and here is what ya'll are going to do. example, everyone comes to your or your moms house. If this makes grumpy mad so what? She is already a mad, sad and mean person what more could she do?

Good luck to you and your mom.

BE THE PERSON YOUR DOG THINKS YOU ARE! (unknown)

chiclet · ‎03-19-2010

I have long given up on figuring out why people do what they do and say. Be glad she scaled back the time and give her space after Christmas. I feel sorry for your mom but nothing you can do about it. You could try talking to your sister and asking what is wrong. Maybe she is going through something you don't know about and taking it out on your mother.

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

Why not have a conversation with her. Perhaps there is something going on that you are not aware. Seems silly to post on a message board and let people take pot shots at her.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

petepetey · ‎03-09-2010

Why does anyone post any topic about anything here? To discuss, learn, share

and perhaps grow from a new way of thinking. There is comfort in sharing a story with

someone else going thru the same thing.

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

my guess she has done this her whole life, no one pushed back

as for her hosting dinner, if you have the b--s do what you want and show up for dinner when u r ready.

will take courage to stand up to her , good luck

ID2 · ‎06-25-2012

I'd like to actually hear both sides to this story. We only hear one side, obviously. The family dynamic has always been very complicated. Instead of brooding, have a sit down heart-to-heart talk with your sister. Problem solved.

"Pure Michigan"

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

@ID2 wrote:
I'd like to actually hear both sides to this story. We only hear one side, obviously. The family dynamic has always been very complicated. Instead of brooding, have a sit down heart-to-heart talk with your sister. Problem solved.

agree

but I'd bet that controlling sister CS thinks she's anything but and that her family needs her wisdom etc, as evidenced by the picking out of new bathroom stuff.

KingstonsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@CrazyDaisy wrote:
Why not have a conversation with her. Perhaps there is something going on that you are not aware. Seems silly to post on a message board and let people take pot shots at her.

What seems "silly" to me, is when one poster decides what other posters should or should not post here, as well as how others respond to that poster's topic/question.

It's not your circus, not your monkeys.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.