Community Chat

[petepetey]

I offered to host and she said no.

It was through that discussion that I learned she lied/

fibbed about her timeline. She was saying so many things were difficult this year because her husband has to work that day.  I do bring 2 major parts of the meal to her house each year. 

It truthfully is no different than any other year.

[dex]

@petepetey@You say step back but you really need to step up to her.If your sister is having difficulties with time for the dinner then inform her that you will do it so that she can arrive when she has time.That way you have control over when the festivities begin.

[K9buddy]

Seems like the reason she doesn’t want you to host dinner is because she wants to punish you and your mom.  

[wildcat fan]

My older sister has always dictated the times for holiday dinners, the menus, etc.  Then when the big day arrives she's always late and critical of me.  Problem solved:  I don't spend every holiday with them and wish them well from afar.  Started new traditions with my own family.  Love them all, but I'm not going to spend my few days off being miserable.  Some years I go and endure it; others I don't.  No regrets.

[FrostyBabe1]

Your sister is controlling because you LET her. Tell her you've had enough, will not allow it to continue and stick to your guns. 

[Chicagosuburbangirl]

I feel bad for you and sad for those in the same situation.

For some reason, if you are nice and have manners, some see this as a weakness.

This perception leads the bossy type to push and push.

Of course, if this is new behavior, you can try to ask your sister why.

If this behavior is becoming the norm, stand firm and steady that you will not be treated poorly.

[Laura14]

@petepetey I agree with the others that you and Mom do Christmas how you want to do it. Include her by stopping by or having dinner but it's your holiday too.

I've been run over by most of my family my whole life. Still am. But I have learned that if I don't want to, I don't even if it means entertaining myself. Christmas is a rough time to throw the gauntlet down but it can be done.

Just do what feels right for you and enjoy your holidays! You might be surprised how quickly your sister backs down when you and your mom take back your power and your day and turn the tables a bit in a polite but firm manner.

[Peaches McPhee]

Interesting. I see another side to the Christmas dinner situation.  She is the host, she can do what she wants. It seems like you are trying to control her choices from afar, just like she tried to control your mom's. You don't get to decide what she does, but you get to choose to participate or not.

[CelticCrafter]

Do they have to work or don't they have to work, did she push the time back an hour or 3 or 4 hours?

Make your dinner and time with your Mom and tell your sister you can visit at another time.

[Mom2Dogs]

@petepetey...I know pretty much what you are going thru...I have a sister like that...she caused many problems over the years while I would say nothing...just to keep peace.  She even got mad and made a scene at my house during an event after my mother had had a very serious surgery....she did not have the decency to just keep her mouth shut...

Long story short, I am no longer in contact with her. one of her kids does not speak to her either....other child is just like her, ugh.....the other one lives far enough away to just stay out of the mix.

If she does something that is not right, and you disagree with her, she cuts you off at the knees, my brother WHO NEVER TAKES SIDES had this happen to him....she did something.....I will not go into it here but she was very wrong and deceitful.   He let her know how he felt, but had no intentions of cutting times...but she refuses to speak to him.

There is not a lot you can do when dealing with people like that...take care, I know it is tough.