How do you comfort

MarieIG · ‎03-10-2010

someone who has unexpectedly lost their child.

I just heard from a mutual friend what had happened, and I can't stop crying. What can I do?

Do the math.

Big Sister · ‎05-15-2010

@MarieIG This is so very sad. What on earth can you say in this situation? say what's in your heart. Just do not say "I'm so sorry for your loss." That is said so often now that it has lost true meaning.

The right words/sentiments will come to you naturally. If you will not be seeing the parents, then a handwritten letter would be appreciated and something they can treasure for years, if they wish to.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

I don't know if you can comfort someone who has just suffered that great a loss.

Just being there, holding her to cry if that's acceptable to her. Crying with her.

Bless you for caring that much to try to help her.

MarieIG · ‎03-10-2010

Thank you. I will be seeing them.

Do the math.

gabstoomuch · ‎03-16-2010

Wow. I have a friend who lost a child 4 years ago, and it just about crippled her ability to function for about 2 years. She is still grieving, I don't think you ever get over losing a child.

Not much you can do. I remember her saying that anyone saying "I am so sorry", or "I understand your pain" or any words that people grapple with saying just made her feel even worse, because it triggered anger. As she said "No, you don't understand, and no, there is no sorry, etc etc". Quite honestly, I did not say anything. I felt so powerless to watch that kind of pain in a person, it really rendered me speechless.

Guess I am not much help. Knowing what NOT to say might help?

I cannot imagine.

Lila Belle · ‎01-24-2013

I'd start with " I'm sorry. " The rest will come naturally.

catwhisperer · ‎07-11-2010

@MarieIG....first of all, I am so sorry for your friend's loss. That is a tough question to answer. When I found out years ago that I lost my son, I layed in bed and cried for two weeks. I did not want to eat or talk to anyone. I imagine it's different for everyone. You might just tell your friend how sorry you are, is there anything you can do, and let your friend know you are there for support if needed. Let your friend take it from there.

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.

MarieIG · ‎03-10-2010

@catwhisperer wrote:
@MarieIG....first of all, I am so sorry for your friend's loss. That is a tough question to answer. When I found out years ago that I lost my son, I layed in bed and cried for two weeks. I did not want to eat or talk to anyone. I imagine it's different for everyone. You might just tell your friend how sorry you are, is there anything you can do, and let your friend know you are there for support if needed. Let your friend take it from there.

Thank you Catwhisperer. I cannot imagine a worse pain for anyone. I wish I could take her pain away, I wish I could give him back to her, I wish it wasn't true . . . I will try . . .

Do the math.

catwhisperer · ‎07-11-2010

@MarieIG....the pain is unbelievable. Something one would not know unless they actually experienced it. The pain lessens in time, but you never forget. You live with it in your heart every single day.

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.

Stray · ‎04-20-2013

@MarieIG wrote:
someone who has unexpectedly lost their child.

I just heard from a mutual friend what had happened, and I can't stop crying. What can I do?

Sometimes it is best not to say anything....actions speak louder than words....cook her a meal to be sure she eats, ask to help with arrangements, chores....she will know you are sorry....the loss of a child is the worst loss a mother can experience and words don't help