How Many Second Chances Should A Cheater Get - Page 3

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

I believe we can only guess how we would react in a situation until we're actually there. Haven't been myself.

But, second chance or not, I could never truly feel the same. I would sincerely want to, but wouldn't be able to, it would always be there on my heart.

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

Peaches McPhee · ‎04-19-2010

This is one of those "it depends" answers. There are so many variables. Assuming I am the victim: Was it the first time my husband cheated? Was it a one night stand or an ongoing affair? How invested in my marraige am I? Have I ever cheated or been tempted myself? Can I afford to to live on my own financially and emotionally, and do I want to? How young are my children?

So many things to consider.

-- pro-aging --

Rochester, New York

freakygirl · ‎07-03-2014

hmm, interesting term (if you can call it that) - second chance. did we totally bypass the first chance? if you're looking at it from the outside in, it's easy to say, no way. hit the road jack! but things can look entirely different if you're the one being cheated on. I honestly don't know what I would do. but if you stayed together, how does one ever trust again? how do fear, anxiety and suspicion, not factor in? won't that put a strain on the marriage? I can't give a definitive answer.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

Anyone is is married, knows that every marriage is different. No two marriages are the same, just as no two individuals are the same. I can define marriage for myself, I cannot define it for someome else. Also, as mature woman, I know that affairs often happen for a reason. Assuming that it is true that Ozzy is a serial adulterer, that tells me that fidelity is not a deal breaker for Sharon. It isn't for many people. If Ozzy and Sharon have worked their differences out and reconciled and if they are both happy; then I am happy for them. There's also a common sense element too. Like Sharon, I have been with the same man for 30something years. We have adult children, we've been happy and we have a life. A life we worked hard to build together. I like being married. I would not want to be a 56 year old single woman. I would have a better chance of being hit by a meteorite than remarrying at my age. So, an affair would not automatically be a deal breaker for me if my husband ended it and agreed to go into therapy with me. I'd forgive and move on.

fortune · ‎03-14-2010

@Reba055 wrote:
They've been married something like 36 years. I'm not convinced Ozzy is still all there. Not trying to be mean, but he did have brain damage from all the drugs. I also wonder just what it is he is doing, lol. Maybe not what we think as "cheating".

I find it almost odder when people divorce after being married so long and later in life. Of course Sharon is younger. That's easy for me to say because it hasn't happened to me, but it seems it might be easier to forgive. And also, not like it never happened before. Not making excuses but a long marriage has ups and downs, and health and mental health issues sometimes. I believe Ozzy fell off the wagon, so I'm sure that didn't help his decision making.

Ozzie is really a catch! He's handsome, got a great body, smart, interesting, good sense of humor, and a wonderful personality! Sharon couldn't get a better guy if she wanted to! Oh, wait. I think I have the wrong Ozzie!

Anita Hug · ‎03-22-2015

Depends on the bigger picture. I forgave one indescretion, but only because we had a huge fight and were technically seperated. I would not have let it go if things been going well at the time. Like they were the next time it happened...

Needless to say, I'm now happily single.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

My husband and I feel exactly the same about a cheating spouse---we have no tolerance, nor forgiveness. That's how we felt in 1974 when we met, and it's exactly how we feel 42 years later.

KingstonsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@Smoky wrote:
@KingstonsMom wrote:
My ex got one chance.
@KingstonsMom, mine too but it was never the same.

@Suziepeach

Sorry, I meant that the first time I had definitive proof that he cheated, I took our daughter, the dog & left.

No second chance with me, I knew I could never trust him again.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

DiAnne · ‎09-22-2010

If you don't have trust you don't have anything. I would never trust anyone again if they cheated. Also it is always the "first' time - more like the first time they got caught!