Community Chat

[ThinkingOutLoud]

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@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:

A group of us "girls" get together for a long brunch every couple of months.  These are really special times because we've known one another for over 50 yrs. and we all realize we aren't getting any younger.  One friend in particular was in a terrible marriage, eventually divorced, and has been alone since.  She repeatedly discusses her loneliness and all that entails.  I've been married to my high school boyfriend all this time so I can't really relate.  I don't have a clue how I would cope if he died first, and I pray I never have to find out.  Anyway, this same friend is a terrible interrupter.  Someone will begin a conversation or attempt to answer a question and none of us can finish a story or complete a thought without being interrupted over and over.  Sometimes I feel ready to snap at her, and i don't want to do that.  She really is a kind person, but seriously insecure.  I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I'm at a loss.  Any suggestions?  

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Haven't read the replies but my first thoughts:

 - call her a couple days beforehand just to let her get it all out

 - let her do the talking at the beginning of brunch so her need to be heard is taken care of so she (hopefully) won't interrupt later

 - compliment her on the positive ways she's handling her aloneness so she starts to see it differently

[GenXmuse]

I've told interrupters "Let me finish this thought real quick otherwise I'll forget what I wanted to say," to just put it on myself and not an outright rebuke. 

[spumoni99]

My husband does this to me a lot!  He finishes my thought because after 41 years he knows what I am going to say I guess but I want to say it!  I will say "so like I was saying!"

[spiderw]

I am blessed to still have girlfriends I have known for 67 years, we met at grammar school.  We meet for lunch and keep in touch through e-mails and phone calls.  Sadly our one friend has alzheimer's and doesn't communicate but is always smiling and seems very comfortable with us.  We are listeners and try not to interrupt each other.  If we do, we say excuse me but......We have such fun and much laughter going on, most of our conversations are up beat.  But whether happy or sad we always listen to what each one of us is saying. We were all taught not to be rude and I guess we continue that childhood lesson.

[Sooner]

@JeanLouiseFinch 

In a situation like that, why not ask the group what they find annoying about YOU and what they would like you to change.

See how that goes first.  See how you feel and what you would like to have been said and how. 

[JeanLouiseFinch]

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@Sooner wrote:

@JeanLouiseFinch 

In a situation like that, why not ask the group what they find annoying about YOU and what they would like you to change.

See how that goes first.  See how you feel and what you would like to have been said and how. 

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@Sooner  We actually did that once when we were teenagers.  It turned into a big bashing session and everyone ended up with hurt feelings.  I wonder if we'd be better at it now? 🤷‍♀️

[Sooner]

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@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:

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@Sooner wrote:

@JeanLouiseFinch 

In a situation like that, why not ask the group what they find annoying about YOU and what they would like you to change.

See how that goes first.  See how you feel and what you would like to have been said and how. 

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@Sooner  We actually did that once when we were teenagers.  It turned into a big bashing session and everyone ended up with hurt feelings.  I wonder if we'd be better at it now? 🤷‍♀️

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@JeanLouiseFinch Better at bashing?    Well, that's a possibility. 

[JeanLouiseFinch]

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@Sooner wrote:

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@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:

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@Sooner wrote:

@JeanLouiseFinch 

In a situation like that, why not ask the group what they find annoying about YOU and what they would like you to change.

See how that goes first.  See how you feel and what you would like to have been said and how. 

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@Sooner  We actually did that once when we were teenagers.  It turned into a big bashing session and everyone ended up with hurt feelings.  I wonder if we'd be better at it now? 🤷‍♀️

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@JeanLouiseFinch Better at bashing?    Well, that's a possibility. 

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[Effie54]

I heard Dr. Laura's radio program last week while driving and a caller had a similar situation. Dr. Laura was pretty adamant about the fact that some people are clueless, selfish, and just don't know how to be a friend. She may be very nice, but it is difficult to be around a chronic complainer who monopolize the conversation. Dr. Laura's advice was to pretty much eliminate her from the group. Emotional victims always make the conversations about them. It's exhausting to be around, especially when you ladies are trying to enjoy lunch. You can call her out on her interrupting, but I doubt it will stop her. People like that have been talk-aholics their entire life. 

[paixmcdao]

Having difficulty with conversations can be a symptom of ADHD. People of any age can have it, diagnosed or not. It could also be that she is lonely, and does not have regular conversations with others, and perhaps is unable to self-moderate.