House guests

denisemb · ‎12-07-2012

I've already solved this problem, but wondering about others' viewpoints.

I live in FL and every year my SIL and her daughter stay a few days pre and post cruise at our home. No problem, other than we have no idea when they're arriving/leaving. (I.E.,last year, we knew when they disembarking the ship and wondered about 5:00 pm if they would be coming for dinner - when I called, they were out to dinner with her cousins and were staying there for two days. Nice to let me know.)

This year is even worse. My brother wants to come along (not go on the cruise, but he didn't like being left alone for 3 weeks last year and will visit his "buddies" in FL.) They have a weird (AKA bad) relationship and my SIL doesn't want him to come because this is her "getaway" time from him. Smiley Sad But they don't "talk". I have no idea if he's coming, if he plans on using our home for a hotel while he visits during the week or what the heck is going on. They supposedly leaving next Tuesday. They tend to do things "by the seat of the pants" and I like to plan.

DH & I are in our 60's with health problems. Is this normal?

Denise

gmkb · ‎07-29-2012

Unfortunately, I believe this is the new normal. I also like to plan in advance, but recognize that many do not. How did you resolve this situation?

Lucky Charm · ‎03-09-2010

The next time they call/text/email about their *iffy*/up- in- the- air plans, tell them you need more concise details.

Tell them it's very important to you now as you may have plans or appointments and you'll need to work around them.

denisemb · ‎12-07-2012

@gmkb wrote:
Unfortunately, I believe this is the new normal. I also like to plan in advance, but recognize that many do not. How did you resolve this situation?

I suffer from depression at times, so I told them this wasn't a good time for visitors and/or houseguests. Funny, because my husband was willing to "take one for the team" and clean out the 3rd sofabed bedroom and entertain my brother until I went "berserk" and said "But I don't know if he's even coming!!!" LOL

There's a whole history behind this. After I informed SIL, she told me one of her sisters (who she has issues with) now lives in FL and 2nd sister held out an olive branch to visit with them if she happens to be in FL. SIL told her she wasn't interested. Wayyyyy too much drama for me.

Heck, maybe they didn't want to stay at all and this was a good excuse to tell my brother he wasn't welcome.

I LOL sometimes when I can't cry.

Denise

Goldengate8361 · ‎01-27-2014

I would not offer my home as a place to stay to any of them. They could stay in a hotel. Really. That, my friend, is NOT rude on your part.

Reba055 · ‎06-23-2014

Sounds like a mess. If you aren't physically or emotionally able to deal with it, I wouldn't hesitate to tell them that sorry, but you are ill. Anyone who doesn't respect that has the problem. I don't know why people think they can just impose on someone, family or not. Luckily I don't have any family drama, but I have health issues and will not allow anyone to pressure me when I'm ill. Period.

Nightowlz · ‎03-11-2010

I would tell them if they could not let me know when to expect them not to expect me to be home.

January121 · ‎03-21-2010

I would tell them to stay in a hotel & tell them to come to visit for lunch as you are not up to entertaining them for longer than that!!

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

Why don't you just ask them , point blank , what you need to know? I don't understand why you stay in the dark when telephone calls are very easy to make and a few pointed questions can clear everything up.

We too have friends who stay with us pre and post cruises but they would never be so rude as to not write and give us all the necessary info well in advance, including when they plan to arrive and depart and to ASK us if we are free to see them at that time.Sometimes it is just an overnight and sometimes it is a few days. We really enjoy them and alway clear our schedules for them.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@gmkb wrote:
Unfortunately, I believe this is the new normal. I also like to plan in advance, but recognize that many do not. How did you resolve this situation?

I don't think it's the new normal. I don't know anyone as inconsiderate as that. It makes perfect sense for the sake of all involved to discuss arrival/departure dates and times (even if those times are estimated). This is not some new trend. It's not common. It's nothing more than some people behaving selfishly and not caring at all about others.

I have houseguests all the time (especially at my beach house), and I certainly understand that plans can change. But to leave hosts out of the loop completely and to not communicate at all is self-centered and inconsiderate. In all the years (decades, actually) that I have had houseguests, I've never had a problem like this. If I don't know someone's plans as specifically as I would like to, I ask them. Not once has it ever been a problem and not once have I been left to sit and wonder.

If someone doesn't want to plan in advance, then they shouldn't make plans with people who are disrupting their own lives in order to be accommodating. Their right to be spontaneous ends at the point that it impacts other people.