Re: Holidays

ScrapHappy · ‎03-28-2010

All the years of my married life, we lived far from family and friends, 3000 miles. We were always on our own for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc. except for one or two holidays my mom or his mom came to visit. I did miss not being with family all those years (20 plus). We did end up moving closer a couple of years ago, at least in the same time zone and that helped but for the most part, we're still on our own. My Dad passed a while ago and my Mom last year so the holidays are a little hard for me now.

Jo1313 · ‎02-02-2021

We had Christmas and a Christmas Birthday(DS) party here ..the first weekend in Oct.!..Toys all over the place for the "grands"!!

Adults got small things and checks..DH and I don't accept gifts anymore from from the kids..We don't need anything...It costs them enough to just get here.

Of course Christmas meals.

We live in the mountains and can have snow pretty much at any time after Halloween..

We are over 200 miles from our kids..

My kids have the holidays together..

DrakesMomma · ‎06-02-2010

After our son was born I pointed out to my husband all of our holidays involved getting in a car and going to his mom's or aunt's house. I wanted to establish traditions of our own. He told me Thanksgiving wouldn't be Thanksgiving without going to his mom's house, seeing his brothers, and eating. So until CoVid we went to his mom's house. Now that she is "old" he thinks I should do it. She isn't happy with anything anyone else does. And, it wouldn't be an us thing. It would be a me thing. No...Thanksgiving isn't Thanksgiving unless you are at your mom's house. Post CoVid I'll stay home and have tea.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

@Enufstuff

The reference to how much food we ate was just a bit of all she said to her sisters. Yes, she made soup from the turkey carcass and the ham bone seasoned a pot of beans for New Years Day. She also had a gathering on New Years Day, but from the beginning I refused to attend that one.

@panda1234

No, I retired nearly 10 years ago because of my husbands poor health.

We are finally able to enjoy Christmas in our own home! We always did Christmas brunch with my parents, my brothers, etc., which added to our long and busy day, but had to stop that several years ago when moms anxiety (she also has vascular dementia) got so bad, she couldn't tolerate us in her house. We tried to just do a family meal here, and there were still big issues with mom, so we do our own casual thing around the girls plans. Whatever the boys decide to do, they include mom.

Between dementia and anxiety over being away from her home, Mom never has any memory of where she went, what she ate, who she saw, nothing. We forwarded selfies last year, and the blank expression on her face told me she'd never remember any part of her day, and she didn't. It will be the same this year.

RetRN · ‎10-01-2013

@RedTop, having to work holidays often came in handy as a good excuse for not having to attend activities. I'm not a social or outgoing person so I never felt I was missing out on anything. Actually, the food at the hospital was pretty good.

Oznell · ‎11-08-2014

I don't have any grandchildren, and our little nuclear family is still intact, with no extended family near enough to have to host large dinners at Christmas.

But I can well imagine that if you have hosted holidays for large crowds year after year, a point would be reached where an amicable "transfer" of responsibility could take place. It might or might not be an easy subject to broach, but it is perfectly reasonable. It sounds like you are ready for that, @bargainsgirl -- wishing you the best in that, and that you can relax more and savor what's important to you.

Regardless of whatever festivities are going on around me, or expectations, I find that concentrating on the original meaning of Christmas, (and Thanksgiving for that matter) helps put my priorities in order. Making that meaning central to our holiday observance, is stress-relieving and calming in itself. After all your yeoman service over the years, you deserve the chance to "step back" and let others "step up".

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

@RetRN

Yes, the free holiday meal at the hospital was always very good! The Food Service director always left a note for one of her staff to hand deliver the meal to me before the cafeteria opened, since I was not allowed to leave my work area during my shift.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@RedTop wrote:
@Enufstuff
The reference to how much food we ate was just a bit of all she said to her sisters. Yes, she made soup from the turkey carcass and the ham bone seasoned a pot of beans for New Years Day. She also had a gathering on New Years Day, but from the beginning I refused to attend that one.

@panda1234
No, I retired nearly 10 years ago because of my husbands poor health.

We are finally able to enjoy Christmas in our own home! We always did Christmas brunch with my parents, my brothers, etc., which added to our long and busy day, but had to stop that several years ago when moms anxiety (she also has vascular dementia) got so bad, she couldn't tolerate us in her house. We tried to just do a family meal here, and there were still big issues with mom, so we do our own casual thing around the girls plans. Whatever the boys decide to do, they include mom.

Between dementia and anxiety over being away from her home, Mom never has any memory of where she went, what she ate, who she saw, nothing. We forwarded selfies last year, and the blank expression on her face told me she'd never remember any part of her day, and she didn't. It will be the same this year.

@RedTop @How sad about your mom, so sorry. These holidays can be real pressure cookers as far as the high expectations people have. A quiet, relaxing day sounds wonderful. You could stay in your PJs all day and not have to get dressed and go out.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@RedTop wrote:
@panda1234
My husbands forced family gatherings were not fun after my FIL passed. 20 people were pretty much wall to wall in the 3 main areas of the house, only 1 bathroom, and no outside area to get away from the drama inside.

By that time, the 8 "good" grandchildren were in high school or college, and not at all interested in an appearance at Grandma's, or being around the 3 PIA young, wild grandchildren who were holy terrors.

My husband attempted to have several conversations with his mother to consider doing something different, and she would not consider doing anything else, even when the older grands stopped attending.

The first thing everyone notices in the pictures from those Christmases is the facial expressions captured in the random photos compared to the posed photos!

@RedTop @The only thing I can say is that sounds horrible. I would beg to work every holiday.

qvcfreak · ‎03-10-2010

@RedTop After my Mom passed we (5 siblings) decided for everyone to do their own thing. We all live very close to each other also and see each other frequently. It's been really nice.