@ninjawife wrote:
@Imaoldhippie
I really appreciate your response. Some have been very nasty implying that by hosting I am being selfish and making people come to my house when they might not want to. In the 25 years I have been hosting my home has been open to family, friends and even people I hardly know who haven't had any place else to go for the holiday. There have been times when I welcomed 25 people or more. My aunt has never not wanted to come. In fact she was very upset when she couldn't come in 2021 because her husband had exposed her to Covid. She also appreciated sharing the holiday with us when her daughter spent the last two years at her boyfriend's house.
I think what I am most upset by is the way it was brought up. My cousin invited us by saying something to the effect that we are having Christmas at our house this year and you are welcome to come or not and maybe we will invite your in -laws. If they had called me and said they really wanted to spend the holiday with her dead husband's family and we really like you to come, I would have not been so upset. I guess I am also upset that they want to spend the holiday with people who are not related to her. My aunt never reaches out to communicate or spend time with me. I am always reaching out to her. She didn't even wish my daughter a happy birthday last month. She also claims to hate Christmas so I don't know why she wants to host. But if spending it at her home makes her happier that is fine with me.
@Tinkrbl44 I think I already answered that I don't think my in-laws want to drive to my aunt's house to spend the holiday with people they don't know. My in-laws have no one else to spend the holiday with and I won't abandon them. My SIL already said we could go to my aunts and they wouldn't mind but I don't feel right about it. I frankly really do not want to go and I am perfectly alright with her spending the holiday without us. I am just hurt by the circumstances and I don't think I need to feel bad about that.
@ninjawife To be really honest with you, I don't think any of this is worth being hurt over. You have family. People don't always do what you would do or do it how you would do it--and that can happen without them being intent on making you feel bad or hurting you. They are just different.
If I had any family, I think since they have honored me with their presence, I'd make the effort to return their being put out for the trip for all those years. And go to make merry for all--deserving or not.
I'd make another time for the people that are your in-laws--without malice or intent, but expecting them to respect your time with your own family. It's not a lot to ask and you deserve to be able to go with their blessing. You may or may not get their blessing, but you do deserve it richly.
Make a cup of tea soon and please sit down and think about all of this, about how life goes on, not always the way we want it to, but about how others feel too. Put yourself in their shoes. Give your folks some credit for making the trip all these years, yourself credit for hosting, and the things you do for your inlaws.
Then think about how all of this will play out in years to come--what you have to gain and to lose, and who gets to make decisions, and who gets to harbor ill will. Sometimes it is difficult, if not impossible to sort things like this out.
And as always, it isn't always fair, always equal, and isn't always one person's call. Blessings and happy holidays and all good wishes to you. I am speaking from contentions family and in-laws, and how I have sometimes been hurt, and someties let myself be hurt. But they are all gone now.
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