Community Chat

[ninjawife]

I am very upset with my aunt and cousin.  I have been hosting Christmas dinner at my house for the last 25 years.  It started when my oldest DD was 2 years old.  She was a sickly toddler and it was just easier to have both sides of the family at my house rather than dragging her to all the relatives houses.  Our family has dwindled considerably in recent years so aside from my DH and two girls the only other family members are my aunt, cousin and SIL/BIL.  Today my cousin FB messaged me an invitation to come to her and my aunt's  house this year.  When I asked why their house, she said it is because they have kids now and besides she reminded me that my aunt doesn't like the Christmas holiday.  The kids she is referring to are my aunt's late husband's grandchildren.   My aunt was only married to their grandfather for 6 months before he died and she only married him to inherit his money.  She constantly complained about him while he was alive and even more so after he died and found out he had no assets.  So my aunt is hosting Christmas for these grandchildren and not spending the holiday with her blood realitives.  Why is she doing that if she hates Christmas so much?  They did invite my SIL/BIL as well but why would we all want to drive an hour and half to her house to spend the holidays with people we barely know.  I am very offended that they are blowing off the tradition we have had in our family for 25 years. 

Thanks for letting me vent. 

[SouthernBee]

@ninjawife : You have vented. Take a few moments and consider the changes. My take on the situation: time for changes. Let them celebrate. You and your family can stay home and enjoy the day. No stress with traveling and avoiding probably more family drama.

[CelticCrafter]

After 25 years, it's time to change and let the younger ones take over.

[reiki604]

You started making the holidays at your home when you had a child and it made life easier for you. Your child has grown and the younger generation now has children that she needs to have. the holidays made easier for her. Time to pass the torch. Go or don't go, make the decision that's better for you and your family 

[QVCkitty1]

My dad's family was a miserable bunch and we had to have holidays " for grandma," the same woman who complained bitterly the whole time we were there. I learned early to have the holiday that makes you and your family happy and let the rest have enjoy their misery. 

[PinkyPetunia]

It was hard to follow your post but it seems that side of the family wants a change after 25 years and extended a gracious invitation.  Think about it for a while. It might be fun to go to them for a change.  You can always have your own turkey day on the weekend after.  Keep an open mind. 

[JeanLouiseFinch]

@ninjawife - change can feel awkward at first but that doesn't mean it has to be bad.  Consider things from their side for a moment,  They've been the ones driving the hour and a half for 25 yrs.  If they want to stay home and have their own celebration, it's OK.  If you don't want to drive there, that's your prerogative.  If your aunt is elderly, who knows how many more holidays she'll have?  Maybe your cousin is trying to go along with her to make her happy.  If you don't want to be around the other extended family members have your SIL and BIL over for Christmas as usual and maybe you can arrange another day for the aunt and cousin to come to a simple dinner or meet at a restaurant somewhere between you. 

Last year, there was a mixup with Thanksgiving and our SIL's brother and wife had nowhere to go.  I told DD they should come here.  They did, and they were delightful guests.  This year, they're coming to our family celebration again plus another brother too. 

Two years ago, DH and I had nothing to do over NYE.  I knew my sister was having her family that weekend for their Christmas. I invited myself.  We brought small gifts for everyone.  Last year she invited us.  Our niece's husband said we're regulars now, no invitation required.

All this to say, sometimes things change and families and gatherings can look different than what we are used to.  

[haddon9]

I also have been doing Christmas for a long time....over 30 years!  My sister in law does Thanksgiving. 

At first I loved it when the kids were young but it's been stressful and a lot of work for me the last few years though I still do it.  My desire is that DD and her family move to a home near us and they can at some point be the hosts.  Right now they live in a tiny row house in Philly.

Anyway a few years ago SIL asked if I wouldn't mind if she did Christmas as well as Thanksgiving due to her new infant grandchild.  I was disappointed at first but we went along (they live about an hour away).  It was great!  I saved a ton of money (entertaining can be very expensive and I don't like to go cheap for guests.  Plus it was so much less stressful!

In addition, I had a nice holiday breakfast for my kids who stayed over on Christmas Eve.  We had a leisurely meal, opened gifts, took showers then headed to SIL's house.  I wouldn't mind doing that again!....or DD gets a bigger place.

[ninjawife]

@JeanLouiseFinch My aunt is not elderly.  She is only 8 years older than me. Nor has she been driving an hour and half for 25 years. She has only lived an hour and half away since she began dating her late husband about 6 years ago.  Her daughter (my cousin) used to live close to me but my cousin recently moved in with her mother since they are both single. Even though her husband has been dead for 3 years, she has never celebrated the holidays with his family so I don't understand why all of the sudden she wants to now.   I suppose this will be a new tradition for them which is fine if that's what they want to do and I appreciate that they had the curiosity to invite my family and my SIL/BIL but to do this over FB messenger and not call me to discuss it was pretty tacky.