Community Chat

[colliemom4]

On 1/17/2015 baker said:

Intellectually we know it's in our best interest to forgive and not hold grudges, but one never really forgets. I find the older I get if there is some one who makes me uncomfortable I just don't socialize with them. Life is too short to put up with some ones nonsense.

I agree.

[bells4me]

I don't hold a grudge and move on, but I don't forget.

[adoreqvc]

Life teaches us certain safeguards...

Can we forgive and forget?

My inner voice tells me that it depends.....

Some things we chose to remember and cannot forgive or forget, because by remembering we actually ensure we never experience that kind of heinous situation again, or we really try not to.

Some people can truly forgive and forget, while others cannot.

Some people can change to become nicer and kinder, while others cannot and will not.

I really think it depends on what the situation was, and how deeply we were affected by what occurred, who was responsible, and could we truly feel we could trust enough again to allow ourselves to actually forgive and forget.

[newziesuzie]

Thanks for the interesting posts! I enjoyed reading them.

[jubilant]

I read something many years ago that helped put forgiveness more in perspective for me. I have referred to it often over the years. It kind of paints a picture.

"Forgiveness involves a heart that cancels the debt but does not lend new money until repentance occurs. A forgiving heart opens the door to any who knock. But entry into the home (that is, the heart) does not occur until the muddy shoes and dirty coat have been taken off. The offender must repent if true intimacy and reconciliation is ever to take place.
That means that cheap forgiveness - peace at any cost that sacrifices honesty, integrity, and passion--- is not true forgiveness".

[Say Nay]

On 1/18/2015 jubilant said:

I read something many years ago that helped put forgiveness more in perspective for me. I have referred to it often over the years. It kind of paints a picture.

"Forgiveness involves a heart that cancels the debt but does not lend new money until repentance occurs. A forgiving heart opens the door to any who knock. But entry into the home (that is, the heart) does not occur until the muddy shoes and dirty coat have been taken off. The offender must repent if true intimacy and reconciliation is ever to take place.
That means that cheap forgiveness - peace at any cost that sacrifices honesty, integrity, and passion--- is not true forgiveness".

I like this. Certainly food for thought. Thanks for sharing it.

[June Lands]

It depends on how you were hurt. For those that have hurt me in my life, I just write people off my life list... treat them like they do not exist. Easy.

[Lotus]

I don't think I've ever held a grudge in my life.....61 years old now.

Life is way too short, and the older I get the more I realize how important it is to remember that.

I would imagine if I was hurt badly enough, instead of holding a grudge, I would just cut that person out of my life.....it's very hard for me to stay angry with anyone.

[Ms X]

Whether it's reasonable to forgive or not depends on the severity of the transgression and the sincerity of the apology. There have been times in my life when I've just had enough of someone's abusive behavior and cut them out of my life. It takes years for me to get to that point with someone, but I think everyone reaches a point when it's the final straw if someone just won't stop.

I don't like the idea that so many push these days that we must forgive. It all depends on the situation.

[June Lands]

Some people are not worth the energy expended to keep forgiving them....I would rather surround myself with positive people and use my energy in a positive way with people who compliment me and I them.