Handling a neighbor issue

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

A group of friends and I were discussing a situation one of them is having with new neighbors. She lives in a garden apartment, and has lived there for years with no issues. She is planning to complain to management because these neighbors are problematic in several ways. She did discuss one of the issues with them directly a couple of months ago. It was a nice, friendly conversation, but it made no difference. And there are more issues now.

We all agreed that she should contact management. Here’s the question: If the neighbor asks her if she’s the one who complained, what should she say? Should she tell the truth? Deflect? Deny? It’s a nice, quiet apartment complex, and most neighbors are considerate and respectful. This particular family is not. It’s entirely possible that other people have complained, but my friend doesn’t know for sure. She would like to keep things from becoming uncomfortable, especially because the two apartments are close to each other.

(Please no comments such as, “That’s why I don’t live in an apartment”. Apartment living can be just fine, and personally I’ve had more neighbor problems living in a house than in an apartment. So please no apartment bashing. I’ve seen that here many times before. And comments like that are not helpful in addressing the question. Thanks so much to all who reply! ) 😊

Warrior2022 · ‎05-31-2018

I would not admit it. I watch too much Nightmare Nextdoor.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

It's none of their business WHO complained. If they are that rude, she might say "I know that (whatever) has been an issue for a number of residents, so I can't give you a list although I know it is an issue."

bathina · ‎03-14-2010

She could just say "I don't know who complained. You should take that up with management". And leave it at that. The truth is your friend really doesn't know who it was that complained enough for management to take action.

ILTH · ‎05-18-2015

@NYC Susan wrote:
A group of friends and I were discussing a situation one of them is having with new neighbors. She lives in a garden apartment, and has lived there for years with no issues. She is considering complaining to management because these neighbors are problematic in several ways. She did discuss one of the issues with them directly a couple of months ago. It was a nice, friendly conversation, but it made no difference. And there are more issues now.

We all agreed that she should contact management. Here’s the question: If the neighbor asks her if she’s the one who complained, what should she say? Should she tell the truth? Deflect? Deny? It’s a nice, quiet apartment complex, and most neighbors are considerate and respectful. This particular family is not. It’s entirely possible that other people have complained, but my friend doesn’t know for sure. She would like to keep things from becoming uncomfortable, especially because the two apartments are close to each other.

(Please no comments such as, “That’s why I don’t live in an apartment”. Apartment living can be just fine, and personally I’ve had more neighbor problems living in a house than in an apartment. So please no apartment bashing. I’ve seen that here many times before. And comments like that are not helpful in addressing the question. Thanks so much to all who reply! ) 😊

A simple No. No elaboration. Nothing further.

Management should not (will not) say who made the complaint.

ETA

@NYC Susan

You live in NYC? You know the drill. It shouldn't be different anywhere else.

sunshine45 · ‎03-09-2010

management needs to say "we have had complaints" or "we have noticed this problem....." or "you are in violation of your lease because....."

if she is asked by her neighbors she should just do what she wants to do.

does she want to be honest? then tell them the truth.

does she fear recrimination in some way? then she can say she didnt or tell them to ask management.

she can also try to avoid them if she chooses.

since you all dont know the neighbors she is having the issues with then it really is just up to her.

********************************************
"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein

happycat · ‎09-18-2010

This day in age, I'm not sure I would admit it.

sunshine45 · ‎03-09-2010

@happycat wrote:
This day in age, I'm not sure I would admit it.

then perhaps it is even not worth mentioning to the management?

she has already complained directly to the residents......they will pretty much know once management says something to them.

********************************************
"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein

JesssMe · ‎05-29-2010

What is the issue (s) with the neighbor? Is it criminal?

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Sooner wrote:
It's none of their business WHO complained. If they are that rude, she might say "I know that (whatever) has been an issue for a number of residents, so I can't give you a list although I know it is an issue."

@Sooner, that's very similar to what I told her. Don't say yes or no. Just say something like, " I know other residents have been bothered". And no further discussion. I'm pretty sure that's what I would do.

And yes, the woman in that family IS that rude. It's completely possible that she will confront whoever she thinks complained.