Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@Lindsays Grandma You're probably sorry you even posted. Take what you can use and ignore the rest.

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

@Trinity11 wrote:
@CrazyDaisy wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
@Melania wrote:
@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
@HappyDaze wrote:
Well, as usual, there are always (at least) two sides to every story. I'd love to hear the daughter's side.

This sounds like a very unhealthy, co-dependent relationship between mother and daughter.

Let the daughter live her life and you be strong and do what is best for you. Time to cut the cords (and possibly purse strings). Your daughter is old enough to care for herself. Whether or not she wants to or does is a whole other story but the point is she CAN. And, honestly, should.
Believe me when I say I would love to be able to let my daughter go to the moon if that is what she wants to do. Unfortunately she jumps into things without doing her homework which means she makes mistakes that are costly. There are no co-dependency issues here, I assure you of that. I have to help financially because she doesn't handle money wisely and I am also here to continue the loving relationship I have with my granddaughter who needs me while her mother is at work.
...and there it is.
Her daughter is 51 years old and has been dependent on her mom for financial reasons and free nanny services. If her daughter was interested in being independent the timing couldn't be worse....elderly mom broke her hip and daughter tells her to rot??? Surely, this is a complex issue and after a parent has given up so much for their child, the dynamics begin to change.
And it also appears that the OP has been very dependent on her daughter. We are only hearing one side and the daughter may have very well "given up" things for her mom. Family is not a place where you keep score. Dynamics change, as they should.
She used her mom to live a better life because financially she couldn't make it on her own. If she had her own apartment and had to pay for childcare, I might agree but she sounds like she is used to getting her way and her mom has been her meal ticket for years. If she had to give up a few things along the way, that's on her not Lindsay's Grandma.

Any child who tells their mom to Rot, isn't any role model to her daughter. Lindsay's Grandma did what she thought best at the time. She thought that she was helping her daughter to give her own child a better life.

Once again you are only hearing one side. You have no idea what was truly said or done for eachother. The truth is usually somewhere in the middle.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@PenneyT wrote:
There have been two instances in my own family of middle aged daughters under the thumbs of their well-meaning but crippling elderly mothers.

The moms had set in their minds that their daughters were some sort of failures, when in reality they were just different. It was very sad, and very cautionary.

If you are implying that Lindsay's Grandma crippled her daughter then why didn't she stop taking free nanny services and financial help? She had free will. Nobody forced her to accept her mom's generosity.

Blaming a mother for taking her daughter in because she had nowhere else to go is just wrong...

BalletBabe · ‎03-05-2011

@Lindsays Grandma I lived in Pa till I was 49. I hated the Winters all my life. I was never warm,no matter how many layers I wore. I personally feel it was the best decision of my life. I love it here. You get used to the humidity and there is always a/c. Beats freezing to death. As far as the bugs? If you live inland bugs are no worse then up North. I remember seeing thousand leggers and a lot of spiders up north. I have been here for 14 years now in Jan. I have never seen a snake other then the black ones that are also up North. The palmetto roaches are gross, but they don't bite and are controllable

There is so much more to do here. The beaches, Disney, Universal, just to name a few. I wish I would have left sooner. I was born to be a tropical babe. lol My whole family is up North, but this is where I want to be. Let her make her own decision. She can always move back. I don't understand why any Dr. would tell her not to make the move?

I wish I would have left in my 20's.

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@CrazyDaisy wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
@CrazyDaisy wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
@Melania wrote:
@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
@HappyDaze wrote:
Well, as usual, there are always (at least) two sides to every story. I'd love to hear the daughter's side.

This sounds like a very unhealthy, co-dependent relationship between mother and daughter.

Let the daughter live her life and you be strong and do what is best for you. Time to cut the cords (and possibly purse strings). Your daughter is old enough to care for herself. Whether or not she wants to or does is a whole other story but the point is she CAN. And, honestly, should.
Believe me when I say I would love to be able to let my daughter go to the moon if that is what she wants to do. Unfortunately she jumps into things without doing her homework which means she makes mistakes that are costly. There are no co-dependency issues here, I assure you of that. I have to help financially because she doesn't handle money wisely and I am also here to continue the loving relationship I have with my granddaughter who needs me while her mother is at work.
...and there it is.
Her daughter is 51 years old and has been dependent on her mom for financial reasons and free nanny services. If her daughter was interested in being independent the timing couldn't be worse....elderly mom broke her hip and daughter tells her to rot??? Surely, this is a complex issue and after a parent has given up so much for their child, the dynamics begin to change.
And it also appears that the OP has been very dependent on her daughter. We are only hearing one side and the daughter may have very well "given up" things for her mom. Family is not a place where you keep score. Dynamics change, as they should.
She used her mom to live a better life because financially she couldn't make it on her own. If she had her own apartment and had to pay for childcare, I might agree but she sounds like she is used to getting her way and her mom has been her meal ticket for years. If she had to give up a few things along the way, that's on her not Lindsay's Grandma.

Any child who tells their mom to Rot, isn't any role model to her daughter. Lindsay's Grandma did what she thought best at the time. She thought that she was helping her daughter to give her own child a better life.
Once again you are only hearing one side. You have no idea what was truly said or done for eachother. The truth is usually somewhere in the middle.

I do remember previous posts from Lindsay's Grandma. They stood out in my mind because I always thought what a good grandmother she was.....giving and always there for her daughter and granddaughter. If the daughter didn't really want to be there she is an able bodied adult who should be taking responsibility for her own life. No excuses merit telling her mom to "ROT." NONE.

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:
@Lindsays Grandma You're probably sorry you even posted. Take what you can use and ignore the rest.

So very sweet!! I agree, about taking what advice helps and ignoring the rest.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@Melania wrote:
@CouponQueen wrote:
While is just sounds fantastic and nice telling her to let them go and sink or swim...
Umm that is HER family...her daughter/grandaughter that has been the family unit for years.

I guess you have not researched the cost of just flying and living in NYC and showing up on the front door of your son who is dealing with a catstrophic medical illness.

I see some have no filter and think it is okay to say what they please. I don't get it..so many jumping in when she has answered over and over.

Of course she is concerned about herself as well as her family. I would be too and anybody who says different is lying. Who wants to make a move that you are not happy with but will do anyway to be there for the daughter.

Great to tell somebody to go get an education and get a better job..I guess people with Bachelor's working in any job would love telling you different. It's rough out there...especially when you need to work to contribute to the family finances; have a daughter and go to school..

Plaid Pants why are you living with daddy? why isn't he in Asst. Living and you in your own home?
I certainly hope all who have so much to say about others lives, how they should live them and telling her to walk away, let them sink/swim all have perfect family and financial situations and never need a kind ear..

Any mother and grandmother with a heart would be in the boat as she is..she earned her living and yes I am sure if her daughter had did her research, spent some time in a place before moving and I don't consider that really a job offer..."work your way up.." doesn't sound like it is a money maker to begin with...

If they both feel that they want to leave AZ..and go as a family unit they all need to be on the same page...on where..when and how!

A little kindness and support goes a long way! For the Grace of God Go I..is a favorite saying in my job!

And what you said to Plaid was kind? It was vicious. You are a hypocrite.

@Melania

Thank-you.

For the record, I do NOT live with my dad.

We both live in the same apartment complex, but he has his own apartment unit, and I have mine.

Two separate units.

I haven't lived with my parents since I was 18.

PenneyT · ‎02-27-2015

@Trinity11 wrote:
@PenneyT wrote:
There have been two instances in my own family of middle aged daughters under the thumbs of their well-meaning but crippling elderly mothers.

The moms had set in their minds that their daughters were some sort of failures, when in reality they were just different. It was very sad, and very cautionary.
If you are implying that Lindsay's Grandma crippled her daughter then why didn't she stop taking free nanny services and financial help? She had free will. Nobody forced her to accept her mom's generosity.

Blaming a mother for taking her daughter in because she had nowhere else to go is just wrong...

Maybe mom insisted on moving in with them. That might have necessitated a larger house, and AC on during the day when daughter was at work and granddaughter was at school, hence higher bills. Who knows. Maybe it worked at first, but doesn't now.

Her daughter says she wants to move, and mom can come with them or not. Mom has choices, too.

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

@Trinity11 wrote:
@CrazyDaisy wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
@CrazyDaisy wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
@Melania wrote:
@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
@HappyDaze wrote:
Well, as usual, there are always (at least) two sides to every story. I'd love to hear the daughter's side.

This sounds like a very unhealthy, co-dependent relationship between mother and daughter.

Let the daughter live her life and you be strong and do what is best for you. Time to cut the cords (and possibly purse strings). Your daughter is old enough to care for herself. Whether or not she wants to or does is a whole other story but the point is she CAN. And, honestly, should.
Believe me when I say I would love to be able to let my daughter go to the moon if that is what she wants to do. Unfortunately she jumps into things without doing her homework which means she makes mistakes that are costly. There are no co-dependency issues here, I assure you of that. I have to help financially because she doesn't handle money wisely and I am also here to continue the loving relationship I have with my granddaughter who needs me while her mother is at work.
...and there it is.
Her daughter is 51 years old and has been dependent on her mom for financial reasons and free nanny services. If her daughter was interested in being independent the timing couldn't be worse....elderly mom broke her hip and daughter tells her to rot??? Surely, this is a complex issue and after a parent has given up so much for their child, the dynamics begin to change.
And it also appears that the OP has been very dependent on her daughter. We are only hearing one side and the daughter may have very well "given up" things for her mom. Family is not a place where you keep score. Dynamics change, as they should.
She used her mom to live a better life because financially she couldn't make it on her own. If she had her own apartment and had to pay for childcare, I might agree but she sounds like she is used to getting her way and her mom has been her meal ticket for years. If she had to give up a few things along the way, that's on her not Lindsay's Grandma.

Any child who tells their mom to Rot, isn't any role model to her daughter. Lindsay's Grandma did what she thought best at the time. She thought that she was helping her daughter to give her own child a better life.
Once again you are only hearing one side. You have no idea what was truly said or done for eachother. The truth is usually somewhere in the middle.
I do remember previous posts from Lindsay's Grandma. They stood out in my mind because I always thought what a good grandmother she was.....giving and always there for her daughter and granddaughter. If the daughter didn't really want to be there she is an able bodied adult who should be taking responsibility for her own life. No excuses merit telling her mom to "ROT." NONE.

I am not saying that the OP is not a good grandmother, just that you are only hearing her side of the story. I could tell you horror stories about my mother, does not make them a true representation of what actually happen. We all say things in the heat of an argument that we regret, perhaps that is the case, perhaps it never happened, perhaps the statement is taken out of context. You just do not know. I commend you for being such a good friend and taking her word at face value, but not everyone else has to.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

DiAnne · ‎09-22-2010

@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
DiAnne, We lived in Los Angeles, in the San Fernando Valley for forty years, actually longer than I lived in my home state of New York. If you go online to check the cost of buying or renting you will be shocked. When we first moved to AZ ten years ago you could rent a four bedroom house, three car garage with a beautiful backyard in an upperclass neighborhood for $895.00/mo, which we did. In CA they would rent the same house for close to $3,000/mo, believe me, no joke. Neither one of us can afford a one bedroom apartment there now. I had a physical therapist after I broke my hip last year who had recently moved to AZ from CA where he was renting a one bedroom apt., a little over 500 sq.ft. for $1,200 a month. He was shocked to be able to rent here for a lot less We would have gone back a long time ago but the cost is prohibitive.

@Lindsays Grandma

I was born in Pasadena and we moved to Seal Beach when I was in third grade. I grew up on the beaches of Orange County and I am well aware of the prices. I now live in an upscale neighborhood across the Lake Washington from Seattle. The prices are the same here if not higher. Every place where people want to live is expensive - supply and demand. There are many areas in California that are much less expensive.