Re: HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

esmeraldagooch · ‎03-10-2010

Lindsays Grandma, Has you daugher calculated how much it is going to cost her in moving expenses? Even if she packs herself and drives the moving truck this will be an expensive move.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@Lindsays Grandma If your daughter insists on going, stay where you are and hopefully, Lindsay will stay with you. Your daughter sounds very headstrong and you two don't need to be dragged from pillar to post.

Let her go. You can't stop her.

Please look into low-income housing in your area, or even perhaps speak to your sister although I know that's not very enticing to do, since she is so unwelcoming....

I wish people would read the comments she has already posted before making assumptions.....

Caligurll · ‎07-20-2014

@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
DiAnne, We lived in Los Angeles, in the San Fernando Valley for forty years, actually longer than I lived in my home state of New York. If you go online to check the cost of buying or renting you will be shocked. When we first moved to AZ ten years ago you could rent a four bedroom house, three car garage with a beautiful backyard in an upperclass neighborhood for $895.00/mo, which we did. In CA they would rent the same house for close to $3,000/mo, believe me, no joke. Neither one of us can afford a one bedroom apartment there now. I had a physical therapist after I broke my hip last year who had recently moved to AZ from CA where he was renting a one bedroom apt., a little over 500 sq.ft. for $1,200 a month. He was shocked to be able to rent here for a lot less We would have gone back a long time ago but the cost is prohibitive.

There are many nice areas in California outside of LA and the Bay Area that are much less expensive,

Melania · ‎06-12-2013

@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
@HappyDaze wrote:
Well, as usual, there are always (at least) two sides to every story. I'd love to hear the daughter's side.

This sounds like a very unhealthy, co-dependent relationship between mother and daughter.

Let the daughter live her life and you be strong and do what is best for you. Time to cut the cords (and possibly purse strings). Your daughter is old enough to care for herself. Whether or not she wants to or does is a whole other story but the point is she CAN. And, honestly, should.
Believe me when I say I would love to be able to let my daughter go to the moon if that is what she wants to do. Unfortunately she jumps into things without doing her homework which means she makes mistakes that are costly. There are no co-dependency issues here, I assure you of that. I have to help financially because she doesn't handle money wisely and I am also here to continue the loving relationship I have with my granddaughter who needs me while her mother is at work.

...and there it is.

Melania · ‎06-12-2013

@CouponQueen wrote:
While is just sounds fantastic and nice telling her to let them go and sink or swim...
Umm that is HER family...her daughter/grandaughter that has been the family unit for years.

I guess you have not researched the cost of just flying and living in NYC and showing up on the front door of your son who is dealing with a catstrophic medical illness.

I see some have no filter and think it is okay to say what they please. I don't get it..so many jumping in when she has answered over and over.

Of course she is concerned about herself as well as her family. I would be too and anybody who says different is lying. Who wants to make a move that you are not happy with but will do anyway to be there for the daughter.

Great to tell somebody to go get an education and get a better job..I guess people with Bachelor's working in any job would love telling you different. It's rough out there...especially when you need to work to contribute to the family finances; have a daughter and go to school..

Plaid Pants why are you living with daddy? why isn't he in Asst. Living and you in your own home?
I certainly hope all who have so much to say about others lives, how they should live them and telling her to walk away, let them sink/swim all have perfect family and financial situations and never need a kind ear..

Any mother and grandmother with a heart would be in the boat as she is..she earned her living and yes I am sure if her daughter had did her research, spent some time in a place before moving and I don't consider that really a job offer..."work your way up.." doesn't sound like it is a money maker to begin with...

If they both feel that they want to leave AZ..and go as a family unit they all need to be on the same page...on where..when and how!

A little kindness and support goes a long way! For the Grace of God Go I..is a favorite saying in my job!

And what you said to Plaid was kind? It was vicious. You are a hypocrite.

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@Melania wrote:
@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
@HappyDaze wrote:
Well, as usual, there are always (at least) two sides to every story. I'd love to hear the daughter's side.

This sounds like a very unhealthy, co-dependent relationship between mother and daughter.

Let the daughter live her life and you be strong and do what is best for you. Time to cut the cords (and possibly purse strings). Your daughter is old enough to care for herself. Whether or not she wants to or does is a whole other story but the point is she CAN. And, honestly, should.
Believe me when I say I would love to be able to let my daughter go to the moon if that is what she wants to do. Unfortunately she jumps into things without doing her homework which means she makes mistakes that are costly. There are no co-dependency issues here, I assure you of that. I have to help financially because she doesn't handle money wisely and I am also here to continue the loving relationship I have with my granddaughter who needs me while her mother is at work.
...and there it is.

Her daughter is 51 years old and has been dependent on her mom for financial reasons and free nanny services. If her daughter was interested in being independent the timing couldn't be worse....elderly mom broke her hip and daughter tells her to rot??? Surely, this is a complex issue and after a parent has given up so much for their child, the dynamics begin to change.

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

@CouponQueen wrote:
While is just sounds fantastic and nice telling her to let them go and sink or swim...
Umm that is HER family...her daughter/grandaughter that has been the family unit for years.

I guess you have not researched the cost of just flying and living in NYC and showing up on the front door of your son who is dealing with a catstrophic medical illness.

I see some have no filter and think it is okay to say what they please. I don't get it..so many jumping in when she has answered over and over.

Of course she is concerned about herself as well as her family. I would be too and anybody who says different is lying. Who wants to make a move that you are not happy with but will do anyway to be there for the daughter.

Great to tell somebody to go get an education and get a better job..I guess people with Bachelor's working in any job would love telling you different. It's rough out there...especially when you need to work to contribute to the family finances; have a daughter and go to school..

Plaid Pants why are you living with daddy? why isn't he in Asst. Living and you in your own home?
I certainly hope all who have so much to say about others lives, how they should live them and telling her to walk away, let them sink/swim all have perfect family and financial situations and never need a kind ear..

Any mother and grandmother with a heart would be in the boat as she is..she earned her living and yes I am sure if her daughter had did her research, spent some time in a place before moving and I don't consider that really a job offer..."work your way up.." doesn't sound like it is a money maker to begin with...

If they both feel that they want to leave AZ..and go as a family unit they all need to be on the same page...on where..when and how!

A little kindness and support goes a long way! For the Grace of God Go I..is a favorite saying in my job!

While your empathetic intention is admirable, sometimes it is helpful to give more than merely a "little kindess and support". Sometimes it's helpful to open a person's clouded eyes to what others may be able to see a bit more objectively and who are simply trying to offer an alternative outlook or solution..

When people suggest to the OP to allow her daughter to move to FL alone, it's not that they're discounting the important and obviously strong family ties.... they are just trying to offer an option for a seemingly impossible situation. Personally, I would love to see the OP move back to CA, which is a place she loves. She deserves that. IMO, where there is a will, there's a way. :-)

This may be a case where the OP is simply looking for validation and support in allowing her daughter to dictate the rest of her life. Hopefully, that isn't the case and the OP is keeping an open mind and looking for different opinions. I think most here have been trying to be helpful in that regard.

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

@Trinity11 wrote:
@Melania wrote:
@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
@HappyDaze wrote:
Well, as usual, there are always (at least) two sides to every story. I'd love to hear the daughter's side.

This sounds like a very unhealthy, co-dependent relationship between mother and daughter.

Let the daughter live her life and you be strong and do what is best for you. Time to cut the cords (and possibly purse strings). Your daughter is old enough to care for herself. Whether or not she wants to or does is a whole other story but the point is she CAN. And, honestly, should.
Believe me when I say I would love to be able to let my daughter go to the moon if that is what she wants to do. Unfortunately she jumps into things without doing her homework which means she makes mistakes that are costly. There are no co-dependency issues here, I assure you of that. I have to help financially because she doesn't handle money wisely and I am also here to continue the loving relationship I have with my granddaughter who needs me while her mother is at work.
...and there it is.
Her daughter is 51 years old and has been dependent on her mom for financial reasons and free nanny services. If her daughter was interested in being independent the timing couldn't be worse....elderly mom broke her hip and daughter tells her to rot??? Surely, this is a complex issue and after a parent has given up so much for their child, the dynamics begin to change.

And it also appears that the OP has been very dependent on her daughter. We are only hearing one side and the daughter may have very well "given up" things for her mom. Family is not a place where you keep score. Dynamics change, as they should.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

PenneyT · ‎02-27-2015

There have been two instances in my own family of middle aged daughters under the thumbs of their well-meaning but crippling elderly mothers.

The moms had set in their minds that their daughters were some sort of failures, when in reality they were just different. It was very sad, and very cautionary.

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@CrazyDaisy wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
@Melania wrote:
@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
@HappyDaze wrote:
Well, as usual, there are always (at least) two sides to every story. I'd love to hear the daughter's side.

This sounds like a very unhealthy, co-dependent relationship between mother and daughter.

Let the daughter live her life and you be strong and do what is best for you. Time to cut the cords (and possibly purse strings). Your daughter is old enough to care for herself. Whether or not she wants to or does is a whole other story but the point is she CAN. And, honestly, should.
Believe me when I say I would love to be able to let my daughter go to the moon if that is what she wants to do. Unfortunately she jumps into things without doing her homework which means she makes mistakes that are costly. There are no co-dependency issues here, I assure you of that. I have to help financially because she doesn't handle money wisely and I am also here to continue the loving relationship I have with my granddaughter who needs me while her mother is at work.
...and there it is.
Her daughter is 51 years old and has been dependent on her mom for financial reasons and free nanny services. If her daughter was interested in being independent the timing couldn't be worse....elderly mom broke her hip and daughter tells her to rot??? Surely, this is a complex issue and after a parent has given up so much for their child, the dynamics begin to change.
And it also appears that the OP has been very dependent on her daughter. We are only hearing one side and the daughter may have very well "given up" things for her mom. Family is not a place where you keep score. Dynamics change, as they should.

She used her mom to live a better life because financially she couldn't make it on her own. If she had her own apartment and had to pay for childcare, I might agree but she sounds like she is used to getting her way and her mom has been her meal ticket for years. If she had to give up a few things along the way, that's on her not Lindsay's Grandma.

Any child who tells their mom to Rot, isn't any role model to her daughter. Lindsay's Grandma did what she thought best at the time. She thought that she was helping her daughter to give her own child a better life.