Community Chat

[granny me]

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@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

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@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

So you took care of your granddaughter.

Good for you.

That's what grandparents do.

You certainly are not the only grandmother to take care of the grandchild.

What do you want?

A medal?

Just because you did take care of your granddaughter, does not mean that your daughter owes you anything more than just a "Thank-you".

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Are you serious? You remarks are WAY out of line!

IMHO, any grandparent who cares for their grandchild and does all of this for them, DESERVES a medal!

Good grief!

My teenaged kids showed up on my "mother's" front porch and when she went to the door, she didn't even know who they were, that's how much she cares about them.

That kind of love and caregiving that @Lindsays Grandma has shown is priceless!

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If that is the way your mother is it probably best your kids don't have anything to do with her. It's your mother's loss, but if she is like mine she is to self absored to see it. 

[Piperdellilah]

@Lindsays Grandma i do feel sorry for your situation.  i hope you can come to a decision that makes everyone happy.  i also feel like your daughter is a little too controlling by what you have said here but that is just my opinion. 

@CouponQueen i wish i could heart your post 20 times, i totally agree with what you said about some rude posters on this board.  i dont post often but i have been reading this forum for years. 

[YorkieonmyPillow]

  This is the same daughter who said to @Lindsays Grandma the other day, "I'm not your caregiver."

  Look at some of the OP's prior posts....

  IMHO, @Lindsays Grandma I think your daughter is trying to run from the situation she is in.

  I think she is afraid you are getting older and she will have to care for you in ways she is unwilling to.

  I can't imagine being in this situation; my heart goes out to you!

  You have cared for your granddaughter and assisted your daughter for all of these years, even following them to AZ.

  Frankly, I would start to put my own needs as a priority.

  I would be leery of staying in this relationship with my daughter. I wouldn't want to be at her mercy later because she sounds ungrateful and has already expressed to you that she "isn't your caregiver," should the need arise.

  You are in a bad spot, to put it mildly.

  I would tap other resources; brainstorm other avenues, whatever it takes to get out of this.

  It doesn't sound beneficial to you to stay with your daughter, as I would not trust her in the future.

  If she wants to move to FL, let her go. You can't stop her but HOPEFULLY you don't have to go with her. Is there any way you could move back to where you lived before?

[tansy]

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@kdgn wrote:

Your daughter is dependent on your monthly financial help to survive. You've stated that you can't get things that you need because of that. Why she thinks she can move to FL on her own and survive is puzzling. The a/c is going to run there just as much as it does in AZ because of the humidity. It also needs to be said that Lindsey isn't going to be living at home forever. She's reaching the age where she's going to be leaving home herself. Your daughter's attitude leaves much to be desired-she said you could stay there and rot. That's awful and shows she doesn't care or appreciate all that you have done for her. Frankly, she can NOT tell you what to do nor DEMAND that you blindly do as she wishes. She thinks she has you over a barrel. She doesn't.

So it's time to move on yourself. Let her move, let her make her own mistakes without mom there to bail her out. It's difficult, yes, because Lindsey is involved. I understand that. But at your daughter's age and stage of life it's critical that she make this move on her own and you stay behind. I don't know if you two own the home where you live or rent but I hope you rent. 

As a senior you are eligible for many services, start looking into them.  Check into a senior services office, there has to be one locally. There are apartment complexes for seniors-see if there are any in your area. You may well qualify for low income senior housing. Starting off on your own at your stage of life is going to be difficult, I won't sugar coat this. But if your daughter is willing to stick it to you now, she will do it again. She did it with the move from CA.  Again, please check into what services are available to you as a senior. 

The one thing I get from this is that she will not be happy staying in AZ if you were to be able to influence her. You will not be happy in FL, you don't want to move. It's time for you to make yourself the priority here. YOU are just as important as she is, but she can no longer make decisions that completely effect your life.

I wish you the best....and if you could manage to move back to CA would you have a support system of friends? Family? She's not your only child....In most areas there are very good services available to CA seniors. 

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@Lindsays Grandma.  To my eye, this response is full of helpful information.  If I were you, I'd check into your options of moving back to California since it seems to be your favorite location.  Maybe you could rent in a community such as Leisure World in Seal Beach.  You have options if you start researching.  

If you stay in AZ, check out the original Sun City.  It's a very affordable area.

Did I miss the explanation of why your daughter thinks Florida will be better than AZ?  Unfortunately, wherever she moves she'll take her problems with her.

[KarenQVC]

@Lindsays Grandma  I think it is time for you and your daughter to lead separate financial lives.  You could get into low income housing where you want to live.  Your daughter could learn to live on her income where she wishes to live.  I advise you to start making your plans ASAP.

[MickD]

@Lindsays Grandma - I think the three of you need to come together and have a talk, and decide together what is best for your family.  I think your daughter is being selfish.  What about uprooting not just you, but more importantly Lindsay??? She is thirteen and needs stability, community, friends.  I would never uproot my teen son unless there was no other choice.  Sometimes as adults we need to make decisions based upon other's needs and not just ourselves.

[ChynnaBlue]

It sounds like you don't want your daughter to move to Florida because you don't know how to use mosquito repellant. That's not a good reason.

It's her life and she gets to do with it as she pleases. I would encourage you to stop trying to change her mind, whether you agree or not. This is not about you, it's about her. If she goes, do you want her to go feeling loved and supported, or stifled and resentful? If she leaves feeling resentful, she may not even come home to visit. If she leaves feeling loved and supported, she'll probably visit.

If you don't want to go yourself, don't. My parents live in California and I live in Texas. They never come to Texas and I go back to California to visit every Christmas and sometimes I make it in the summer.

[CelticCrafter]

What also needs to be taken into account is the OP's age.  

If her daghter is 51, the OP is at least mid 70's maybe older because this daughter was a second marriage baby.

Does she really want to, at that age pack 3 peoples and 10 years worth of stuff.  It's a massive job.

I'm only 62 - we are considering a move to another state and it's not something I am looking forward to at all.   

[DiAnne]

I have not read every post but based on what I have read you sound unhappy with the current situation.  Maybe you both need to lower your living expenses and live alone.  If she cannot make it alone now what is she going to do when you are gone?