Community Chat

[qualitygal]

@LilacTree, close relative had a stroke a few years back.  Certain personality behaviors have changed.  They may not see it, those of us, who knew the before, also now know their after.  A certain number of brain cells have changed, if not disappeared.  It involves the temperment in them too. 

Everything you said, sounds very familiar.

Nice to see that you are posting.  Hope all's well for you and yours in the new year now.

[tobes]

 I have found that some of my long-time, aging friends who have undergone a hip break, minor stroke, or have gone under surgery, have had a subtle change in personality. are slightly less able to react to things as they have in the past. This may make them anxious resulting in actions that are not normal for them.  Also medication may cause a slight change in personality.  I think you should continue to say "I understand".  I don't believe reason is the best in these situations.

[Kachina624]

@LilacTree.  It's so good to see your smiling face again.  I was just thinking of you a few days ago.

[DiAnne]

I have had a similar situation with a long time friend who has made some very poor financial decisions in the last few years.   She has lost so much money it is really sad.  I used to try to explain why this was a bad decision but I finally gave up.  If she asks me I tell her truthfully what I think but otherwise I keep my mouth shut.  We live in two different states and she still works so I don't have to deal with it on a daily basis like you do.  

[Lilysmom]

@LilacTree, so nice to see you posting.  If the friendship is important to you, and I can see that it is, I would stay neutral.  If she pushes you to the point you have to answer, warn her that she may not like the result and that she is free to take the advice or leave it.  I think that is the best you can do.  I am sure your friend is worried about losing her independence and that manifests itself in her interpersonal relationships.

Good luck @LilacTree.  I am sure you have the know how to deal with the issue with your usual grace.  LM

[Sweetbay magnolia]

Tell her what you think.  Any brew ha ha will blow over and the strength of the friendship will prevail.  Just let it come when the time comes.

Or not.  I think you have to be "all in" on whatever it is you decide.  There's always time to make a new inroad, though.

[viva923]

there is a lady who lives just down the street from me. she was always very friendly.

she had 3 strokes 3 years ago and she has changed to mean, defensive. She won't speak with me any longer, she divorced her husband of over 20  yrs, she ignores you when you walk by.

We would always talk if she was outside when I was taking my daily walk, NO longer, she has changed drastically.

wether you should stay out, it is your decision, just be forwarned, you may lose a friendship over this problem she is experiencing.

[jlkz]

@LilacTree

If she had a serious stroke last year, there could be some mental damage or changes that resulted.  This could be causing the behaviors you described where she generates issues with family members.

Your words: this is getting you too upset which is not healthy....let it go.  Best idea because you don’t have to agree / disagree....just show you care about her health.

Be wary though, you may be next in her sights when she tires of family targets.

[Justice4all]

@LilacTree

     Glad to see you back to your feisty self!!!!

                        All love, Justice

[LilacTree]

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@blackhole99 wrote:

You have already answered your own question, keep your mouth shut and you will keep her as your friend. It sounds like you are disposable to her though.

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@blackhole99

I don’t think so.  She just texted me and then called me to say she was glad I was honest with her and that she just has to learn how to control her anger.  She says it is harder than it used to be, which I responded that I understood.  I know a stroke can change people.  

I, on other hand, just withdraw more, which I don’t think is good either.  80 really is a huge change for some reason, even if one does not get sick.