Community Chat

[Jannabelle]

On 2/27/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

I don't recall many platitudes being said.

I do recall put-downs, name-calling, the silent treatment, withholding of food and medical care and various other types of dysfunction. Most of all, I remember the comments that cut to the bone. ("You can't wear that; those skirts are for skinny girls." "Do you really need that cookie?" "You and your father deserve each other." "If she leaves, you're in big trouble." "If I had a gun right now, I would blow my brains out." "You little b****!!" "Where do you think you're going?" "[Dad to Mom] You know you've always loved him [my brother] more than you love her [me]." "The sign says 'weight limit 5,000 lbs'...guess you'd better get out of the car!!" Q: "Dad, am I going to see [my dog] when we get home?" A: "Didn't your mom tell you? She's dead.") All of their commentary cycled through my head for many years.

Because of all that, I've had friends ask me why I even care that my dad is dying, and that my mother is a wreck. I've been told to just let them die and worry about myself.

I can't explain why I love my parents...I just do.

I am sorry, Mistir, you deserved so much better but it shows your good character that you are willing to care for them.

[stilltamn8r]

Mistri, this is why you are so empathic to kids as an adult, because you have been there as a helpless child, who had no choice....

[KathyPet]

For a good laugh go to YouTube and search for Anita Renfroe Mom song. So funny!!!

[RainyDayGal]

""Never say never.""

Wise words.

[mistriTsquirrel]

Thanks, guys.

Yes, I suppose I have good character in some ways...but I can also be pretty venomous when provoked.

I said some really awful things to my parents when I was a pre-teen and a teen...things no one should ever say to his/her parents...but they were always in response to being beaten down repeatedly. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sorry for most of the awful things I said. My parents don't seem too regretful about things they said and did to me, so why should I be? To this day, my mother still thinks that everything is about her.

And yes, I do remember what it was like to be a kid. I don't remember all of the things that happened, but I remember what it felt like.

Sorry, I guess I'm dumping a lot out here...the situation our family is in has caused my mother's controlling tendencies to escalate dramatically, and I'm finding that her behavior is causing my anger to spike.

I do love them though. It just upsets me when I think about how much I'm willing to do to care for them vs. how little they did to care for me when I was a child.

[Jannabelle]

On 2/27/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

Thanks, guys.

Yes, I suppose I have good character in some ways...but I can also be pretty venomous when provoked.

I said some really awful things to my parents when I was a pre-teen and a teen...things no one should ever say to his/her parents...but they were always in response to being beaten down repeatedly. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sorry for most of the awful things I said. My parents don't seem too regretful about things they said and did to me, so why should I be? To this day, my mother still thinks that everything is about her.

And yes, I do remember what it was like to be a kid. I don't remember all of the things that happened, but I remember what it felt like.

Sorry, I guess I'm dumping a lot out here...the situation our family is in has caused my mother's controlling tendencies to escalate dramatically, and I'm finding that her behavior is causing my anger to spike.

I do love them though. It just upsets me when I think about how much I'm willing to do to care for them vs. how little they did to care for me when I was a child.

Don't let it upset you, it means you are a big person, a big heart,...and they are not sorry because they don't think they did anything wrong, I see it here on the board, and in real life, people do and say whatever.

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 2/27/2014 Jannabelle said:

On 2/27/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

Thanks, guys.

Yes, I suppose I have good character in some ways...but I can also be pretty venomous when provoked.

I said some really awful things to my parents when I was a pre-teen and a teen...things no one should ever say to his/her parents...but they were always in response to being beaten down repeatedly. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sorry for most of the awful things I said. My parents don't seem too regretful about things they said and did to me, so why should I be? To this day, my mother still thinks that everything is about her.

And yes, I do remember what it was like to be a kid. I don't remember all of the things that happened, but I remember what it felt like.

Sorry, I guess I'm dumping a lot out here...the situation our family is in has caused my mother's controlling tendencies to escalate dramatically, and I'm finding that her behavior is causing my anger to spike.

I do love them though. It just upsets me when I think about how much I'm willing to do to care for them vs. how little they did to care for me when I was a child.

Don't let it upset you, it means you are a big person, a big heart,...and they are not sorry because they don't think they did anything wrong, I see it here on the board, and in real life, people do and say whatever.

Thanks, Jannabelle.

I'm not even sure they remember most of the things they said and did. I do, because I was hurt by those things.

Years ago, I felt it was best for me to "stop the cycle" by not having any kids...but my brother is really good with his kids. I sometimes wonder if I made the wrong decision, and if it's too late to change my mind...or if I should remain childless. I don't know.

It's probably a moot point, because I'm not married or dating anyone...nor am I in any position to support a child financially.

[Lila Belle]

On 2/27/2014 RedConvertibleGirl said:

""Never say never.""

Wise words.

And words that come back to bite you too !

[Jannabelle]

On 2/28/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 2/27/2014 Jannabelle said:

On 2/27/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

Thanks, guys.

Yes, I suppose I have good character in some ways...but I can also be pretty venomous when provoked.

I said some really awful things to my parents when I was a pre-teen and a teen...things no one should ever say to his/her parents...but they were always in response to being beaten down repeatedly. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sorry for most of the awful things I said. My parents don't seem too regretful about things they said and did to me, so why should I be? To this day, my mother still thinks that everything is about her.

And yes, I do remember what it was like to be a kid. I don't remember all of the things that happened, but I remember what it felt like.

Sorry, I guess I'm dumping a lot out here...the situation our family is in has caused my mother's controlling tendencies to escalate dramatically, and I'm finding that her behavior is causing my anger to spike.

I do love them though. It just upsets me when I think about how much I'm willing to do to care for them vs. how little they did to care for me when I was a child.

Don't let it upset you, it means you are a big person, a big heart,...and they are not sorry because they don't think they did anything wrong, I see it here on the board, and in real life, people do and say whatever.

Thanks, Jannabelle.

I'm not even sure they remember most of the things they said and did. I do, because I was hurt by those things.

Years ago, I felt it was best for me to "stop the cycle" by not having any kids...but my brother is really good with his kids. I sometimes wonder if I made the wrong decision, and if it's too late to change my mind...or if I should remain childless. I don't know.

It's probably a moot point, because I'm not married or dating anyone...nor am I in any position to support a child financially.

You're welcome,.......I understand your decision, but I really think you would be a great mom, and your brother would help you I am certain....when you marry that special man , don't rule it out.

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 2/28/2014 Jannabelle said:

On 2/28/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 2/27/2014 Jannabelle said:

On 2/27/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

Thanks, guys.

Yes, I suppose I have good character in some ways...but I can also be pretty venomous when provoked.

I said some really awful things to my parents when I was a pre-teen and a teen...things no one should ever say to his/her parents...but they were always in response to being beaten down repeatedly. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sorry for most of the awful things I said. My parents don't seem too regretful about things they said and did to me, so why should I be? To this day, my mother still thinks that everything is about her.

And yes, I do remember what it was like to be a kid. I don't remember all of the things that happened, but I remember what it felt like.

Sorry, I guess I'm dumping a lot out here...the situation our family is in has caused my mother's controlling tendencies to escalate dramatically, and I'm finding that her behavior is causing my anger to spike.

I do love them though. It just upsets me when I think about how much I'm willing to do to care for them vs. how little they did to care for me when I was a child.

Don't let it upset you, it means you are a big person, a big heart,...and they are not sorry because they don't think they did anything wrong, I see it here on the board, and in real life, people do and say whatever.

Thanks, Jannabelle.

I'm not even sure they remember most of the things they said and did. I do, because I was hurt by those things.

Years ago, I felt it was best for me to "stop the cycle" by not having any kids...but my brother is really good with his kids. I sometimes wonder if I made the wrong decision, and if it's too late to change my mind...or if I should remain childless. I don't know.

It's probably a moot point, because I'm not married or dating anyone...nor am I in any position to support a child financially.

You're welcome,.......I understand your decision, but I really think you would be a great mom, and your brother would help you I am certain....when you marry that special man , don't rule it out.

I'm not sure how much time I'll have for all of that to happen, Jannabelle. Not only am I in my mid-thirties right now, but cancer is a big problem in my family. My cousin was recently diagnosed; she's 41, I think. On both sides of my family, people typically die of cancer...and the age at time of diagnosis is getting younger and younger, as is the age of death. My aunt (the mother of my cousin who now has cancer) died at age 68. My dad will likely die at age 67 or 68. Our elders died of cancer in their 70s, 80s and 90s. I wonder a lot about how much time I have left.