Community Chat

[foundinlv]

On 11/20/2014 Complicated said:

Another thing, since I am on a roll...

Comparing one person's tragedy or horror is futile.

Everyone has personal trials, tribulations, and joys. They are not comparable, nor should we attempt to.

You ARE on a roll!

[YorkieonmyPillow]

Just to be clear.........I don't feel like just because you have forgiven someone, that you HAVE TO continue to associate with them. There are some people in this world you just cannot stay around or go around, even if they are family members. Some people are just contentious 24/7 and there is no reason to continue to associate with them because they are mean and hateful.

I have people in my extended family that I wouldn't want to see because they are argumentative and so forth, there is no peace in their presence. All you can do is forgive them and go on because there's obviously something wrong with them!

Having said that, HH I have a neighbor just like the lady you described. She is my age but a very bitter person. Her kids avoid her as much as possible. It's sad - for her.

[151949]

On 11/20/2014 YorkieonmyPillow said:viously something wrong with them!

Having said that, HH I have a neighbor just like the lady you described. She is my age but a very bitter person. Her kids avoid her as much as possible. It's sad - for her.

The woman I know has been years and years in therapy and they have tried and tried to help her to let go of this but she clings to it as strong as she clings to life itself. I don't understand what the payoff is in doing that for her - it seems to me I would be begging a therapist to help me be rid of it.

[dobiesrule]

Jubliant, what you said.

[dobiesrule]

HH, I agree with your original post and think it was a good topic for your sewing group. Forgiveness is hard, almost impossible sometimes. However, I do know from personal experience that I feel better if I can forgive. It doesn't come quickly or easily, sometimes barely, but the benefit accrues to me.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

On 11/20/2014 happy housewife said:

On 11/20/2014 YorkieonmyPillow said:viously something wrong with them!

Having said that, HH I have a neighbor just like the lady you described. She is my age but a very bitter person. Her kids avoid her as much as possible. It's sad - for her.

The woman I know has been years and years in therapy and they have tried and tried to help her to let go of this but she clings to it as strong as she clings to life itself. I don't understand what the payoff is in doing that for her - it seems to me I would be begging a therapist to help me be rid of it.

Me, too!!! "Whoever angers you, conquers you."

I would not allow someone to make me that miserable.....it doesn't hurt them.

Truth be told, I think that is the root of my neighbor's problems - she sees a psychiatrist but she is very unhappy because she blames her children for things and refuses to forgive......I have tried to tell her this; she doesn't want to hear it! She told me she just wanted me to listen to her and not make any suggestions to try to fix the situation; just to LISTEN....in other words, she wanted me to sit and listen to her complain!

If someone doesn't want to help themselves, there is nothing you can do. I have held her while she cried but she just can't let go of the past and blaming her adult children........ETA: like you, I don't see the payoff! (Feeling that you are "right?")

[qualitygal]

Forgiveness is for the person forgiving, not so much for the forgiven.

[reese2]

On 11/20/2014 SoftRaindrops said:

On 11/20/2014 Complicated said:

Another thing, since I am on a roll...

Comparing one person's tragedy or horror is futile.

Everyone has personal trials, tribulations, and joys. They are not comparable, nor should we attempt to.

Many of us have lost children, suffered unspeakable loss and never share it here. And her trying to manipulate this thread to make it all about her and her sainthood in forgiving is just more of her typical judgmental posts.

That's the word I used, too. Good to know I'm not the only one.

[spindlegirl]

On 11/21/2014 qualitygal said:

Forgiveness is for the person forgiving, not so much for the forgiven.

Yes I believe this is true.

[Moonchilde]

On 11/19/2014 jubilant said:

For the most part, I refuse to spend much time around a person I have forgiven if that person continues to have ill will for me. Forgiveness is really an on going thing that you do for yourself so as not to live in anger and stress. However, to purposely put yourself in harms way with a person you have forgiven but who continues to treat you badly is something I won't do.

I agree. It doesn't do anyone much good if one or two people in a family situation do all the forgiving, yet others continue to do what they do. Life is easy for them; they're forgiven so they have no incentive to change. As far as family gatherings, I would not forgive, continue to be treated poorly, and sit in angered silence. Forgiveness can be enabling for those who do not value family in the first place.