Community Chat

[chrystaltree]

Forgiving doesn't mean you develop amnesia. Of course you remember, if it's bad or hurtful enough, you always remember. Forgiving means you let go of the anger, resentment, the need for retribution.

[Jannabelle]

On 8/17/2014 chrystaltree said: Forgiving doesn't mean you develop amnesia. Of course you remember, if it's bad or hurtful enough, you always remember. Forgiving means you let go of the anger, resentment, the need for retribution.

Of course, I am not sure who came up with the "forgive and forget" saying, maybe they didn't mean it literally.....maybe they meant forgive and don't dwell on the hurt.

[AnikaBrodie]

I am a forgiving person. However, that does not mean I will forget the offense. I think it often depends on the degree of the wrongdoing. After something negative happens people (i.e., me) are often suspicious of another person to avoid being hurt again.

I have a friend who tells me she has forgiven a person for a wrongdoing involving a charge of dishonesty and character assassination. However, this happened more than five years ago and she keeps bringing it up time after time. I tell her to let it go; she is doing more harm to herself by letting it fester while the other person has probably forgotten about it a long time ago. What do you think? Has she really forgiven the person and moved on?

[Shorty2U]

I forgive but never forget. It doesn't mean Im harboring pain, it just means it wont happen again. Lesson learned.

[Jannabelle]

On 8/17/2014 AnikaBrodie said:

I am a forgiving person. However, that does not mean I will forget the offense. I think it often depends on the degree of the wrongdoing. After something negative happens people (i.e., me) are often suspicious of another person to avoid being hurt again.

I have a friend who tells me she has forgiven a person for a wrongdoing involving a charge of dishonesty and character assassination. However, this happened more than five years ago and she keeps bringing it up time after time. I tell her to let it go; she is doing more harm to herself by letting it fester while the other person has probably forgotten about it a long time ago. What do you think? Has she really forgiven the person and moved on?

Sounds like she has not....if someone stole from me, I would have to forgive them, but I would never trust them again....is that wrong?...I would however try not to dwell on it or continue to bring it up.

[CouponQueen]

It takes me awhile to move on from something...don't get in my face or call/text etc let it go and let me come to terms with it on my own..as I do hold grudges ..it is me and I have concluded I am not perfect..

I may be able to ""forgive"" per se but sometimes it is still there in my head.

[stilltamn8r]

for ME, once the pain of the incident is gone, forgiveness comes naturally..and it is real..I can SAY I forgive someone, and as much as I may really want to, until I am "over" it, I know it is not really true forgiveness on my part..

Jackson Brown in the song "Here Come Those Tears Again" said it like this: "When I can look at you without crying, you might look like a friend of mine"...

[HiLo]

The memory of hurting events always resides in our memories. We must deliberately push such memories back and refuse to dwell on them. I will then go on to make new and better memories with the person I have forgiven and that always seems to bring peace.

Dr. James Dobson says the negative memories are always there to be recalled but it's up to us to decide they won't surface and make us bitter. God has forgiven me of so much; I too need the forgiveness of others from time to time so why shouldn't I forgive another? Often we are wrong about an individual's motives anyway.

[Marienkaefer2]

I think when you don't forgive, you give that other person power over you. It's good to.let it go, but not always easy, depending on what happened. I have forgiven people, but let my association with them.go. Sometimes the offense crosses the line and I can't keep the friendship going. I think it's best to stay away from.people who.have hurt you.

[Topaz Gem]

Yes you can forgive and not forget. If you truly forget, then you could let it happen again and again. So...forgive, let it go, then get on with your life. Not letting yourself forget doesn't mean that you have to obsess over the event(s) to the point where it interferes with your life, it just helps you to not keep making the same mistakes over and over again.