Re: FAIR OR NOT FAIR

Katcat1 · ‎07-21-2011

@Spinach30, He sounds like a piece of work. First of all tell your friend to get her name on the house. If he dies, what does she get? It should be 50/50. I never heard of an arrangement like that before not saying that people don't do it but I would not be one of them. He should pay for it all if she is cleaning his house, cooking his meals, tending to his clothes (washing, ironing, etc). If she doesn't do anything, then she needs to contribute somehow.

kindness is strength

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Adamlambert wrote:
imho it's not financially smart. They must file separate tax returns and just that eliminates a huge deduction. Taxes aside, I would never,ever agree to that. I'm a suspicious person and there's a reason she isn't on the house. What is it?! I definitely would not have paid a penny for a house that's not in my name. Why did she do that? Her own free will?

I'm NOT a suspicious person, but this seems odd to me. It sounds as though she jumped into this without fully understanding any of it or the implications.

Was this arrangement formalized with the help of an attorney? She should have fully educated herself about what would be his, hers, and theirs before agreeing to anything, and she should have been comfortable with all of it.

If she's not happy with what she had agreed to, then clearly it needs to be addressed. But "fair or not fair" is something she should not suddenly be thinking about now.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@sunshine45 wrote:
@Spinach30 wrote:
A few more facts. They live in California. No pre-nup. No actual written agreement about anything. It was just a decision they made at the time they moved in. The house is worth about $500,000 more than when he bought it two years ago. He has no problem with adding her to title. He left it to her to get the papers drawn up. She just hasn't done it yet.

at this point she should make that a top priority then. not sure why she wasnt on it in the first place.

Exactly. If she wants to make things more fair, then what is she waiting for?

Some posters have said that important details were likely left out, and now it seems as though they were correct.

Lapdog · ‎12-18-2012

Nah Baby Nah. She needs to sit down with him and renegotiate.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@SeaMaiden wrote:
It seems odd to me. My husband and I have always thought of everything as OURS. Everything joint...everything shared....no secrets.

What is this separate stuff? I suppose if you do not trust someone e completely or are married but want to remain separate entities.....then having separate everything might work. Just seems like a strange relationship.

My husband and I had a joint account, and we also had separate accounts. I liked it that way. Having my own money was great - I could buy gifts and surprise him with things that truly came from me without him knowing anything about how much they cost. And vice versa. And we could spend money on things without being concerned that the other might not think it was worthwhile.

So it was a joint account for bills and the house and vacations, but also separate accounts too. It worked out perfectly for us. (Sometimes secrets are fun!)

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@tennpal15 wrote:
@goldensrbest wrote:
If he is fine with changing things ,and she has not got the paperwork done ,then why the question in the first place?
this thread is a bust.

lol ~ turns out the friend is just lazy ~ sounds like the husband is extremely fair.

I agree. The husband was represented as some kind of monster who was taking advantage of her, and it turns out that he has no problem being fair. She's the one who agreed to something she's now not happy with, and she's the one who holds the power to make a change. But apparently she doesn't have the time? I'd be curious to know what would be a higher priority.

I still think we're missing pieces of this story. "Fair or not fair" doesn't seem to apply.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Katcat1 wrote:
@Spinach30, He sounds like a piece of work. First of all tell your friend to get her name on the house. If he dies, what does she get? It should be 50/50. I never heard of an arrangement like that before not saying that people don't do it but I would not be one of them. He should pay for it all if she is cleaning his house, cooking his meals, tending to his clothes (washing, ironing, etc). If she doesn't do anything, then she needs to contribute somehow.

When you read further, you'll see that it's actually the woman who's a piece of work. He has no problem with her name being on the house. She just apparently hasn't been able to find the time to do it. She's the problem, not him.

For many pages, posters were operating under one assumption when it turned out that a key piece of information had been left out. (I replied too before seeing it. Kind of frustrating!)

esmerelda · ‎03-10-2010

@Spinach30 Haven't read the entire thread. Maybe someone has already asked.

Why would she spend $40K of her money on updates to someone else's property? The promise of equity down the line? And a 50/50 split at that. Were the updates split 50/50? Anyway, we've seen what can happen to property values recently. Is that equity thing in writing?

Fair or not, I think she's not very smart to have agreed to it.

It sounds like a business arrangement, not a loving relationship. I can't imagine why they got married.

*********************
Keepin' it real.

RainyDayGal · ‎03-09-2010

@Katcat1 wrote:
@Spinach30, He sounds like a piece of work. First of all tell your friend to get her name on the house. If he dies, what does she get? It should be 50/50. I never heard of an arrangement like that before not saying that people don't do it but I would not be one of them. He should pay for it all if she is cleaning his house, cooking his meals, tending to his clothes (washing, ironing, etc). If she doesn't do anything, then she needs to contribute somehow.

Depending on their state laws, when he dies she gets the house whether or not her name is on it. Unless, of course he made out a will that someone else would get it but not sure if that would hold up if she were to contest it in court.