Elder Abuse - Page 4

surfk · ‎07-12-2010

@Vickiv wrote:
Yes I know verbal abuse. I'm in my 70's. Two years ago I had this happen to me. The hurtful words that was said to me is unforgettable. The screaming . He had me so beat down I started to believe him. I told no one what was going on. I was in such an emotional wreck I even thought of sucide. Then one day he threatened me. I called the police they told me to make home move out. When I told him he had to go he went into a scary rage. Finally I got him out. Took me 2 years to get back to normal. I am fine now happy and proud who I am. He talks to none of the family or me. You see I miss him and will always love him. He was my son.

When people put a face on these issues, I think that the issues become so much more real - and actually even MORE disturbing. I am sorry to hear you had to be on the bad end of that stick, vickiv. Its stunning how things come to be or abuse rears its ugly head - no matter how much "love" is in the picture.

In fact, that's what makes it all the sadder sometimes (and more complicated. When its the abuse by a stranger, people can see it more clearly and its easier to pounce on the culprit.

But within families, people blame the general dynamics or that there's soooo much love, the offender is overwhelmed.

Yeah. Right. "So much love."

"I beat you because I just love you THAT much!"

See? It doesn't really fly.

Same should be when people are verbally/emotionally abuse. Love's got nothing to do with it. Sadly.

surfk · ‎07-12-2010

@pitdakota wrote:
surfk,

In this state, all assisted living facilities and long term care facilities must have the name and number of an ombudsman posted in the facility. Your state may be the same way. I would find out who you would report this to.

Then you might go to the manager in this place, report the incident, and report the patient's reaction. Make it clear that you are reporting this incident in that you want this addressed by the care team. And if not, you will continue to work your way up and report it until someone listens.

And thank you for being an advocate for the vulnerable!

I will be taking this to heart and following through. I just didn't know how to go about relating what I perceived to be such abuse - especially when some people (even in the healthcare industry) dismiss or minimize it.

Again, either as "that's family". Or even "Yeah, that's what happens." As though that truth is suppose to become acceptable or condoned because "It happens all the time."

Its should shock and disturb people that it happens alll the time. One shouldn't walk way accepting or becoming desensitized to it just because it "happens all the time."

You wonder at which stop some people's humanity got off the bus (so to speak).

surfk · ‎07-12-2010

@Nataliesgramma wrote:
I'd like to know when it became acceptable to scream like a banshee at members of your family. Little kids are mouthy and scream obscenities at their parents when they are told to do something and they don't want to. Some parents scream at their kids during sporting events if their child didn't do good enough......... Wives and husbands scream every 4 letter obscenity they can think of to each other in front of their kids. I see people scream at the cashier at Target or Wlmart if their credit card is denied.

What happened to respect? I am 60 and I NEVER screamed at my Parents or Grandparents.

It is sad the way our society treats the elderly and vulnerable......but it really doesn't surprise me.....

I agree 100%. I'm no prude and I live a very ultra modern life myself. But its socking how off the chain people have become in not only their foul-mouthed abusiveness but also in their total lack of public decorum when "venting".

I was in line somewhere the other day and some dufus on a cell phone was arguing with what was apparently his wife. Every detail for everyone to listen to...as though he were yelling at her in their kitchen during dinner or something.

You're right. I turn around sometimes when I HEAR what some mouthy kid screams at his mother...in public...at the top of his lungs. People nearly forget that such words until not too long ago were confined to either pirate ships or adult films.

The anger and abusive language has sadly in many circles become so common and so socially acceptable that people seem to nearly not even understand what you mean when you say that they sound like guttersnipes.

lol

And more seriously, I think it causes people to become ever increasing blind to what verbal/emotional abuse is or looks/sounds like. That's the truly scary part.

surfk · ‎07-12-2010

@riley1 wrote:
My daughter is an Asst. DA in NY. She has been doing domestic violence and child abuse cases since she started her internship many years ago. She has lasted the longest in the child abuse division no one else wants to do it. Her reasoning is someone has to be the voice for those that can't do it for themselves. She now also does elder abuse. Once a case is reported to her division she starts the interviews. And, let me tell you, for a young woman she is tough - I've seen her in court - she doesn't take sh*t from anyone. There are people who care and can help. Find that person and get their attention.

You obviously raised a daughter with great conviction and an admirable moral compass .Fortunately, she's apparently also strong and articulate enough to be a defender of the most vulnerable. Its something rare and something to be proud of (more than sometimes people in such careers sense or receive as feedback sometimes).

Silver Lining · ‎04-16-2010

Where does this lady live? In a nursing home, in her own home (with the assistance of caregivers), or in the home of a relative?

qvcaddition · ‎03-10-2010

I have to say I am one of those that has been left alone, but have gone on to help others. At 79, I am a survior. Two sons will help me if I Call. One I email every morning to let him know I,m OK. The other calls every other week. I never hear from my daughter. She,s rich and travels, but I was there when she was poor and her boys were little. I gave and gave, but no phone calls from grandkids..one I paid for modeling school. Another, I paid for apartment. They don,t like being around old people. They think you are stupid, but I have more knowledge than the whole lot of them.

I have my health and my dog and a few friends. I volunteer a lot to be around people. I try not to dwell on it, but reading this tread made me sad. As far as they are concern, I,m already dead, just the body is still around. I had to raise my three kid alone, so it really just hours, because I sacrificed a lot. They don,t have to make care of me, just be around or call. I never treated my parents or grandparents this way. It is what it is.

surfk · ‎07-12-2010

@Silver Lining wrote:
Where does this lady live? In a nursing home, in her own home (with the assistance of caregivers), or in the home of a relative?

It is a nursing facility. Not the greatest one (probably not the worst one). In fact, the only person available at the time was a nurse. That was the first person I went to and the first to give me the sad-sack look and "Yeah, that's how some families are."

Its like talking to Hilter's parents and them saying that Adolph is just the way some sons are.

The tolerance for crazy behavior - especially within or regarding families - is staggering.

surfk · ‎07-12-2010

@qvcaddition wrote:
I have to say I am one of those that has been left alone, but have gone on to help others. At 79, I am a survior. Two sons will help me if I Call. One I email every morning to let him know I,m OK. The other calls every other week. I never hear from my daughter. She,s rich and travels, but I was there when she was poor and her boys were little. I gave and gave, but no phone calls from grandkids..one I paid for modeling school. Another, I paid for apartment. They don,t like being around old people. They think you are stupid, but I have more knowledge than the whole lot of them.
I have my health and my dog and a few friends. I volunteer a lot to be around people. I try not to dwell on it, but reading this tread made me sad. As far as they are concern, I,m already dead, just the body is still around. I had to raise my three kid alone, so it really just hours, because I sacrificed a lot. They don,t have to make care of me, just be around or call. I never treated my parents or grandparents this way. It is what it is.

For better or worse at least two out of your three do their mom good. That's probably little comfort regarding your daughter but at least you know its her issues.

And I run into that all the time. You hear it over and over. How people don't like to be around the ailing or the elderly. Or that the elderly - even their own parent/s - are a bummer or a drain.

Other than complete self-centeredness, so much has to be related to peoples fear about their own aging and mortality issues. We're a society that likes a lot of noise and amusements and distraction to keep us from thinking about the real stuff in life.

I mean, everyone needs to enjoy life. But not 24/7 and at the expense of hurting others. Avoiding issues or people who seem to remind one of undeniable realities is not going to help anyone. It doesn't help the elderly parent now. And it does nothing to truly prepare others for their own tomorrow. If a cycle of caring were encouraged and maintained in our society, really no one (or very few people) would have to face what more and more people are facing as they (we) age.

And to think one can ignore people in an effort to ignore certain reality demonstrates a person who isn't really all grown up. IMHO.

I admire your fortitude and your desire and will to make the most of every day despite the failings of others - even of your own daughter. She'll learn one day. Maybe the hard way.

qvcaddition · ‎03-10-2010

Thank you for those words. I do live each day to the fullest. I am lucky I can. The Holidays are hard, but I still decorate for each one, for me, to perk up.

Mactective · ‎04-07-2015

I work in a field where I have daily information about the abuse, neglect and mistreatment of the elderly, individuals with disabilities, individuals with mental health diagnosis, children and other vulnerable people. It is truly appalling what human beings do to each other.

On the other hand, I am likewise exposed to thoughtful, caring people that go the extra mile every day to make sure people less fortunate than themselves are given the opportunity to have a good life. They sometimes do this in big ways by recruiting foster parents or running agencies that provide good care and sometimes they do small things that make a huge difference like donating a suitcase so a foster child doesn't have to carry their belongings in a plastic bag.

Throughout the day, I do my best to protect people from those that intend to do harm. At the end of the day, I try to remember and give thanks to all those people who do things (big and small) to make another person's life better. It's the only way to sustain hope.