Elder Abuse - Page 2

PamfromCT · ‎05-22-2014

Hi Surdk, I want to commend you for your sympathy towards to this poor person. I have volunteered for years with the elderly in a skilled nursing unit, so I know how much love you have in your heart. Can I ask: Is this a nursing home setting? If it is, go to the top of the "food chain." A social worker first, then to the top administrator. sometimes when things are put in writing they become more powerful, if you have to do this. If you are in a private home setting, or in a nursing home, there may be another family member who can intervene. Is there a clergy person who sees this person? How about her family doctor?

Don't stop. As far as the flip answers you have gotten, always remember that "no one wants to deal with a problem." But now you are there to deal with! I did see one patient hospitalized after a big occasion when no family came to see her.

I did get very heavily involved once when I had a dear friend dying of cancer. Husband got very, very emotionally abusive to her. Not in front of me, but she would tell me about it. We tried everything, speaking to her clergyman, calling her grown son, etc. She still wanted to at home regardless, likely to be around her little pet she intensely loved. Last two weeks were in a hospital, so I knew Mr. Bully would never act up in front of others. How her husband and son avoided us! Isn't that too bad! I'm telling you this to prepare you that there are always ramifications for doing the right thing. But my motto is "Do the right thing for Jesus."

I wish you all the best!

Vickiv · ‎06-15-2015

Yes I know verbal abuse. I'm in my 70's. Two years ago I had this happen to me. The hurtful words that was said to me is unforgettable. The screaming . He had me so beat down I started to believe him. I told no one what was going on. I was in such an emotional wreck I even thought of sucide. Then one day he threatened me. I called the police they told me to make home move out. When I told him he had to go he went into a scary rage. Finally I got him out. Took me 2 years to get back to normal. I am fine now happy and proud who I am. He talks to none of the family or me. You see I miss him and will always love him. He was my son.

NoelSeven · ‎03-09-2010

vicki, your post breaks my heart. I am so sorry this happened to you. I commend you for having the strength to save yourself.

A Thrill Of Hope The Weary World Rejoices

pitdakota · ‎03-16-2010

surfk,

In this state, all assisted living facilities and long term care facilities must have the name and number of an ombudsman posted in the facility. Your state may be the same way. I would find out who you would report this to.

Then you might go to the manager in this place, report the incident, and report the patient's reaction. Make it clear that you are reporting this incident in that you want this addressed by the care team. And if not, you will continue to work your way up and report it until someone listens.

And thank you for being an advocate for the vulnerable!

* Freedom has a taste the protected will never know *

MyGirlsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@Vickiv wrote:
Yes I know verbal abuse. I'm in my 70's. Two years ago I had this happen to me. The hurtful words that was said to me is unforgettable. The screaming . He had me so beat down I started to believe him. I told no one what was going on. I was in such an emotional wreck I even thought of sucide. Then one day he threatened me. I called the police they told me to make home move out. When I told him he had to go he went into a scary rage. Finally I got him out. Took me 2 years to get back to normal. I am fine now happy and proud who I am. He talks to none of the family or me. You see I miss him and will always love him. He was my son

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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs to you)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))).

Keep Your Face To The Sunshine and You Will Not See The Shadow

Bird mama · ‎03-12-2010

@Vickiv wrote:
Yes I know verbal abuse. I'm in my 70's. Two years ago I had this happen to me. The hurtful words that was said to me is unforgettable. The screaming . He had me so beat down I started to believe him. I told no one what was going on. I was in such an emotional wreck I even thought of sucide. Then one day he threatened me. I called the police they told me to make home move out. When I told him he had to go he went into a scary rage. Finally I got him out. Took me 2 years to get back to normal. I am fine now happy and proud who I am. He talks to none of the family or me. You see I miss him and will always love him. He was my son.

Awww Sweetie - maybe one day, some sense will get knocked into him. Where is a mule or donkey when you need one :-)

I'm not making light of your situation - it has to be one of the most catastrophic things to have your own child turn on you.

I am glad that you have rebuilt your life.

There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise

PamfromCT · ‎05-22-2014

Dear Vickiv, What a terrible thing your son did to you! I am so, so sorry. I hope and pray he will have a change of heart someday and ask for your forgiveness. All my best!

Nataliesgramma · ‎03-28-2015

I'd like to know when it became acceptable to scream like a banshee at members of your family. Little kids are mouthy and scream obscenities at their parents when they are told to do something and they don't want to. Some parents scream at their kids during sporting events if their child didn't do good enough......... Wives and husbands scream every 4 letter obscenity they can think of to each other in front of their kids. I see people scream at the cashier at Target or Wlmart if their credit card is denied.

What happened to respect? I am 60 and I NEVER screamed at my Parents or Grandparents.

It is sad the way our society treats the elderly and vulnerable......but it really doesn't surprise me.....

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

There is probably so much of this going on that will never come to light. At least in a nursing home, people are around. It's those who are confined to their own homes and are being cared for by devious family members who fly beneath the radar.

Vickiv · ‎06-15-2015

I have learned a few things from all this. Council On Aging forget about them. Police were wonderful. They told me they could not do anything at that time to get him out. But if he physically hurts you or threatens you then they can step in. He threatened my life so they stepped in. I can't begin to tell you the compassion they had. I can't imagine being sick and bedridden and have this happen. I was a good mother tried everything to make him happy for years. When he was married he verbally abused his wife. She finally had enough. Some people say just report it. Guess what sometimes it falls on deaf ears. I felt things would get better . We always think that when something is bad. It's Called hope. I have learned that you can't think it's going to get better it's not. If you are able enough you have got to get rid of the abuser. It may be a family member ,spouse, dear friend whomever. I was very fortunate I came to the decision I can't take it any more ,enough is enough.