Community Chat

[MyShadowLove]

OP...Such a heartwrenching thread and so very much needed to be heard by everyone!...You articulated feelings that I have had ever since I was a teenager and worked part-time in a nursing home...The care of our elderly has always been an issue of concern for me since then...It is disgraceful the way our elderly are treated by society in general and, yes, the stories of the elderly being abused by family members are disturbing and so very hard to even envision!

It is up to each of us to reach out and do all we can for the most vulnerable in our society...whether it be the elderly, children, animals or the disabled,,,There are many ways that we all can do our part!

OP, thank you for being such a wonderful spokesperson for those who are so very vulnerable!

((((((vickiv))))))

[riley1]

My daughter is an Asst. DA in NY. She has been doing domestic violence and child abuse cases since she started her internship many years ago. She has lasted the longest in the child abuse division no one else wants to do it. Her reasoning is someone has to be the voice for those that can't do it for themselves. She now also does elder abuse. Once a case is reported to her division she starts the interviews. And, let me tell you, for a young woman she is tough - I've seen her in court - she doesn't take sh*t from anyone. There are people who care and can help. Find that person and get their attention.

[Vickiv]

Thank you all for such heartwarming thoughts . I do say when in life you walk through a storm keep on going never give up no matter what your problem is. In my bad times of fear and many tears I thought to myself keep on dancing through life your gonna make it. It's ashame the elderly are pushed aside especially the ones that no one cares about .
Many to frail to even understand what's going on. I am aware now and I visit a nursing home. Sad so many are alone. I am so glad I can spend time with them. This Nursing home is wonderful and caring.

[MyGirlsMom]

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@riley1 wrote:
My daughter is an Asst. DA in NY. She has been doing domestic violence and child abuse cases since she started her internship many years ago. She has lasted the longest in the child abuse division no one else wants to do it. Her reasoning is someone has to be the voice for those that can't do it for themselves. She now also does elder abuse. Once a case is reported to her division she starts the interviews. And, let me tell you, for a young woman she is tough - I've seen her in court - she doesn't take sh*t from anyone. There are people who care and can help. Find that person and get their attention.

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APPLAUSE for your daughter!!

[Vickiv]

Riley1

Your daughter Sounds like a wonderful person. I wish there were more people like her who really cares and pursues the bad guys. You must be very proud of her,

[Klait]

It is an awful thing. I would never have imagined how bad it could be and how hard it is to deal with. Long story short or maybe not. Small family. Just my mom and she has a brother. All through my childhood we were extremely close to grandparents and brother had nothing to do with them. Fast forward my grandma passed away...grandpa has money and my uncle stated several times he hated my grandfather.....grandpa continued on with his life and when would buy something uncle would get mad....grandpa gets put into VA nursing home 2 hours away from uncle and 7 hours away from my mom. Grandpa called me and my son daily and my mom several times a day.....insert my uncle decides to "visit" my grandpa almost daily where he is constantly trying to convince grandpa we are bad and after money. Grandpa always shook up and crying....my mom would visit and he would be happy. After she left uncle was nasty to grandpa.....so finally grandpa told us he didn't want to have anything to do with us. (Until he had sepsis and was so sick he was delirious ---- he asked the nurse to call my mom in the middle if the night so he didn't die alone. She packed a few things in the middle of the night and took the drive where she sat with him 48 hours straight so when he would come too she was there) then when they knew he would make it she had to go back home,

As he had health issues my mom would talk to the director of that wing and he
Would confirm that there is daily "influence". Unknown to my mom her brother went to social worker and was telling her my mom was guilty of elder abuse and she bought it hook line and sinker. Not sure how as he was there everyday and she would see him once a month for a day. Saw it first hand when my grandpa always wanted to see my son who was 5 and the highlight of his life. We planned to go and see him and when called him to tell him when we would be arriving he was so excited UNTIL my uncle walked in the room...I heard the yelling and threats in the room as we were on the phone and finally my grandpa came back on line and told us he didn't want to have anything to do with us....

My mom tried numerous times to talk to the other social worker as she didn't like my grandfather so shook all the time...she agreed about the situation but the senior social worker who had developed a friendship with my uncle as he would visit her daily too didn't so that was done and over. My mom talked to lawyers about just protecting my grandpa and was told hard case to handle and when she asked if they would subpoena the director of that wing and the other social worker they could not because they are a VA and don't allow their employees to testify. My mom figured in grandpas best interest to not call so he grandpa would not feel the wrath of my uncle...grandpa died 2 years later...once uncle got everyone out of will but him he stopped visiting grandpa and he died alone....we heard this after he had passed.

[MyGirlsMom]

I'm crying..

((((((((((KLAIT)))))))))

[Vickiv]

So sad. What a rotten person to do such horrible things. Abusers can appear so nice to others and the one he abuses he is the devil in disquise.

[Klait]

Riley1

I could not agree with MyGirlsMom anymore. Your daughter is a very special woman and we need more people like her to fight for these people.

[surfk]

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@PamfromCT wrote:
Hi Surdk, I want to commend you for your sympathy towards to this poor person. I have volunteered for years with the elderly in a skilled nursing unit, so I know how much love you have in your heart. Can I ask: Is this a nursing home setting? If it is, go to the top of the "food chain." A social worker first, then to the top administrator. sometimes when things are put in writing they become more powerful, if you have to do this. If you are in a private home setting, or in a nursing home, there may be another family member who can intervene. Is there a clergy person who sees this person? How about her family doctor?

Don't stop. As far as the flip answers you have gotten, always remember that "no one wants to deal with a problem." But now you are there to deal with! I did see one patient hospitalized after a big occasion when no family came to see her.

I did get very heavily involved once when I had a dear friend dying of cancer. Husband got very, very emotionally abusive to her. Not in front of me, but she would tell me about it. We tried everything, speaking to her clergyman, calling her grown son, etc. She still wanted to at home regardless, likely to be around her little pet she intensely loved. Last two weeks were in a hospital, so I knew Mr. Bully would never act up in front of others. How her husband and son avoided us! Isn't that too bad! I'm telling you this to prepare you that there are always ramifications for doing the right thing. But my motto is "Do the right thing for Jesus."

I wish you all the best!

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One thing I know is that I think my battle with bullies around Q forums has had a purpose after all. I sure ain't afraid to confront a jerk. lol

I agree that something has to move up the "food chain" regarding the incident I witnessed. I couldn't sleep at night feeling that I hadn't done all I could.

I also think that its easy to be abusive at a distance or on the phone. No matter what some "son" thought of his mother, as a person standing beside his mother in person, you see the effects. Or its like you can see the picture with greater perspective. And its a very disturbing one as the son is on the phone screaming about hus mother of perhaps 1967...and yet you're there with her in 2015 and see its a fragile, ailing person whom he's actually talking (can I call it "talking???) to.

That mental image is seared into my mind. And one sees so clearly the abuse through whatever excuses (even if good ones) which the son might have regarding his mother.

Its why its important - aside from everything else to always be in the present and to GROW UP. Otherwise, while abusing someone else, you're also rather destroying your own inner self.

But I think I will take this to this woman's case worker. So many of them seem to get distracted by or focus so much only on the placement of people...that they let the other stuff slide.

I believe in treating everyone from a holistic perspective. We are all mind-body-spirit and due that respect at all stages of life. The care and feeding focus which often happens is best saved for the State Fair (and even there, most of those animals are treated far better than are some human beings).

Oh, I'll be making calls. Thanks for your input.