Community Chat

[Jordan2]

Do you ever think one person of a couple is the draw of the couple? Sometimes I'm with a couple and think , boy opposites do attract. Sometimes I wonder, she's so much fun, great, and he not so much! I always think one of the people in the couple outshines the other.

[blackhole99]

I think if one person in the couple out shines the other, the couple probably will not be a couple long. I think people should compliment each other. The old saying," birds of the feather flock together" is really true. I think if people are too different  and don't share the same values, likes and dislikes you have to work too hard. Who wants to have to work too hard!

[deepwaterdotter]

In the case of my husband and I it can be true, just depends on the company we're keeping.

[NicksmomESQ]

 They say opposites attract.Truthfully, I believe that 2 people need to be somewhat different in order for a relationship to work.This way they can balance  each other out.

   If a couple is exactly alike life can get boring.On the other hand if they’re to different it can cause a lot of friction. Striking a healthy balance could be the key to a successful relationship.

   I believe that balance is the reason why DH & I still have a wonderful marriage. We are truly soulmates.I can’t imagine being happier.After over 3 decades together he’s still the one!!

[Kitlynn]

I think a lot of times one person from a couple will draw you in and then when you meet the other half of the couple you will end up liking both of them and becoming friends. Of course one of them may be outgoing more than the other and you will still like them because you will feel the balance. If you really like alone most of the time you will enjoy their significant other because they will have chosen someone that was drawn to them for the same reasons you were. Now there are exceptions to this rule I realize because sometimes people choose a very different kind of mate. But I still think unless they are just a horrible person you will find something you like about them.

[jeanlake]

Interesting question to ponder (While I'm watching Astros/Yankees game. Neither hometown team, but interested in outcome of series). Where the disconnect or discomfort with couples is for me is when one person is negative and the other is positive. The positive one always outshines the negative, IMO. It's tough when you really like the positive one -- but the negative one comes along with the package. Sometimes you decide it isn't worth the friendship. We traveled internationally with a couple like that. Longest week of my life. They asked us to go to Scotland with them. Oh, my, not going to happen.

[Moonchilde]

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@Jordan2 wrote:

Do you ever think one person of a couple is the draw of the couple? Sometimes I'm with a couple and think , boy opposites do attract. Sometimes I wonder, she's so much fun, great, and he not so much! I always think one of the people in the couple outshines the other.

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By this scenario, many times (unless you’re meeting strangers at a cocktail party, reunion, business meeting, etc) you already know, and know if you like/connect with, one of the couple. So, you’re comparing someone you already know well enough to probably like with someone you just met and who doesn’t know you either; not an ideal comparison, IMO.

Also, who each one of us finds nice, friendly, good to chat with, “fun”, etc is going to be different for all of us depending upon our personalities. A very life-of-the-party extrovert type personality is probably going to find a quiet, thoughtful introvert boring, period, just because they’re so different. An introvert would likely be thinking “noooo!” about a perky, chatty party person.

Yes, one person of a couple is usually if not mostly the draw of a couple to us, but it depends on our POV; someone else may have the exact opposite opinion of the same couple.

I would hope that I never appeared to “outshine” a partner, and I would be annoyed if I felt they were trying to outshine me; that isn’t happy couple dynamics.

[chrystaltree]

I do think sometimes opposites attract.  There is a sort of yin and yang in a couple.  In marriage; my husband is definitely the drawer.  We are almost polar opposites of each other but I think we complete each other.  He's outgoing, self assured, personable and very social.  I'm the opposite; reserved, shy, quiet and I don't like to socialize in large groups.  He makes friends easily, it takes me a while and I don't want to be friends with every person I meet.   He draws me out and I reel him in.  That's how he described it once.  When we go out, he keeps me from standing in the corner and I keep him from dancing on the tables...lol

[LilacTree]

My first husband was always the star of the show.  He hob-nobbed only with the execs and other higher-ups (and became one himself in later years).  He was handsome, charismatic, highly intelligent, a really attractive individual.

It was the Washington DC social club, so to speak, as he worked for a government contractor (ITT).  It was always very swanky, a bit too hot to handle for a little Italian girl from Hackensack.

While I looked pretty, I was really very shy and naive.  These people intimidated me, not to mention I was always pregnant.  So I pretty much just stayed in the background and observed.

I learned though, and after our divorce (and four children), I moved back to North Jersey and he stayed in the northern VA suburbs until he married his second wife, a gorgeous blonde beauty 15 years his junior.  They had one child, a boy, while I had four girls.  I love this boy (well, not a boy anymore) like my own son and still do.

Neither of our second marriages lasted.  He went on to a third wife and ended up in LA, California.  That one lasted for him.  I never married again after two years with a man I didn't really know, and never think of.  I could go on, but the OP didn't ask for our life stories, LOL!!

I was what my mom always told me I would be . . . a late bloomer who became very independent and self-confident. 

[Tinkrbl44]

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@blackhole99 wrote:

I think if one person in the couple out shines the other, the couple probably will not be a couple long. I think people should compliment each other. The old saying," birds of the feather flock together" is really true. I think if people are too different  and don't share the same values, likes and dislikes you have to work too hard. Who wants to have to work too hard!

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@blackhole99

I agree ..... opposites DO attract, but it's not that easy for them to stay together.  If they do stay together, at least one of them wishes the other would be more like them.  Not good for a long term relationship.

Like you say ... who wants to work that hard?  If staying with someone is like constantly doing hard time, have the sense to leave.  JMO