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Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,808
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

my DD is divorced, we warned not to marry that no good bum. He was a heavy super heavy drug user, thief, you name it he did it. she last 1 year with him, but remained married for 10 yrs total. one day she got tired of him and his heavy drug usage, she just packed up her car, with a brand new baby and left. the baby was not planned, but she took my grand daughter and found the most wonderful people to live with, the got her back on her feet were able to emtionally support her, give her great advice. she is now happily married 10 yrs to a wonderful loving man she has 4 children now. (1 of the 4 is with dummy #1.) she has a good job and they do many things as a family.

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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,642
Registered: ‎08-19-2014

   All of our friends are or have been divorced atleast once. DH & I are going on 38 wonderful years.I don’t judge my friends.They are good people.

  There are many reasons why people get divorced.Only the two people involved know what really happened.Some have cheated.Others have grown apart.Still others never belonged together in the first place.

  A good marriage takes a lot of commitment & a lot of hard work.Nothing worth having comes easy. That being said  every relationship is different & stands on its own.

  Although I feel that DH completes me a person doesn’t need a spouse to be complete. Everyone is different.

 

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,458
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@jannabelle wrote:

For those who haven't gone through a divorce, bless you. For those of us who have, many of us worked hard at our marriage with the person we thought was our soul-mate - and we were devastated when we discovered our "soul-mate" wasn't that person at all. It's a horrible thing to go through and it can affect you for years. And no, most of us are not "superficial and flaky"....I can't imagine that anyone would even think or say something like that.


@jannabelle, some people have no ability to imagine what it's like to walk in another person's shoes.

 

I sort of feel the same way when a married person goes on about how it takes work and commitment in this type of discussion, as if those who separate or divorce just didn't try hard enough.


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
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Super Contributor
Posts: 375
Registered: ‎11-20-2016
I am about to end an almost 49 year marriage. If I had been smart, I would have walked out 20 years ago. My husband finally admitted that he doesn't love me, nor does he care much about me and hasn't for so many years he doesn't even remember when he stopped caring. I've wasted the best years of my life trying to figure out why I have been so depressed . He is going to have to find someone else to do the laundry, cooking, house cleaning, shopping, bill paying. My gosh, I even did our tax returns and he would never even ask if it had been done or not!
Deep In The Heart of Texas
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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,134
Registered: ‎03-04-2015

@moon_gazer I am sorry you are going through this..I left my ex three years ago, best thing I ever did...off topic but how is your furbaby? I tried reaching out to you on the pet thread but never heard back..

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 28,122
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

@SunValley wrote:

I also have seen way too many long-time marriages with unhappy partners who just have stuck together despite wandering spouses, selfish partners, and lazy ones. They seem to have little warmth or respect judging by the way they speak to and of each other. Finding the right partner and enjoying the journey is a blessing.


@SunValley

 

Some people actually think you absolutely must "honor your vows" and stay with your spouse, no matter how bad things get.  (eye roll)

 

Honestly, marriage is supposed to be a loving partnership.... not like doing hard time in prison!!!

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Posts: 12,847
Registered: ‎10-03-2011

@moon_gazer wrote:
I am about to end an almost 49 year marriage. If I had been smart, I would have walked out 20 years ago. My husband finally admitted that he doesn't love me, nor does he care much about me and hasn't for so many years he doesn't even remember when he stopped caring. I've wasted the best years of my life trying to figure out why I have been so depressed . He is going to have to find someone else to do the laundry, cooking, house cleaning, shopping, bill paying. My gosh, I even did our tax returns and he would never even ask if it had been done or not!

@moon_gazer- I'm sorry to read this, sorry that you've been unhappy for so many years, and sorry for the hurt in hearing those words from your husband.  Even though you are obviously competent, starting over on your own at this age must be somewhat scary.  I wish you the best.

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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,714
Registered: ‎03-17-2010

I'm single and glad to be.  I know if I ever married any of the men I had serious relationships with I'd be divorced.  Luckily my friends all have great relationships with great guys and have beautiful families.  They work hard at it, they will all tell you it isn't easy.    

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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,817
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Most of the people I know, family, friends, neighbors have all been divorced.  I don't really believe in trying for a long time to make it work.  My experience is that you marry the person and he is not always what he presented when he was persuing you.  You can change bad habits, maybe, but not who the person really is.   My regret is the years I wasted trying to make marriage work and the choices I made to start with.  What I present is what I am and was always shocked to find other people are not the same way.   Also I don't think everyone is cut out to be married.  Also what you want at 20 may not be what you want at 40 or 60.  Some people grow and evolve and improve.  Others just hit a spot and stay there.  

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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,606
Registered: ‎10-11-2017

Some people thrive after divorce but sadly others do not.  A dear friend who married her childhood sweetheart is now alone after being married for about 18 years.  Her kids are grown and she grew tired of dating.  Her health has deteriorated and her sadness is one of the most frightening and overwhelming things I have ever seen.