Community Chat

[Truffles]

Yes, I am going through this very thing right now..there is a bias in the family courts against not only women but children..I was married to an extremely powerful man who managed to have the judge changed..lots of other mess went on as well. 

He was ordered to pay lifetime alimony but has now managed to mess with that...or so he thinks..turns out SS found out something they are sending to the court in CT..praying this gets resolved.

My situation is a little unusual....and the decision was based on many facts..the most important being my health...I am dealing with a rare illness and had it long before we were married..the courts knew I would never be able to work and that health insurance wouldbe quite costly...that and the fact that he admitted that he had been planning this for ten years...all the while sleeping with my college suitemate...

[Noel7]

@Truffles

I am so sorry you've had to go through all of that, and to have a health problem on top of it 😦

I wish you all the best.

[Truffles]

Actually that is a very calloused and bold statement to make..You never know what life will throw your way..employers want employees who can show up for the job...having said that..my background was in television production...I would go to work many days sick as a dog..barfing in wastebaskets to get through a newscast..only to be rushed to the hospital to receive several days of infusions..I actually pulled together rundowns for the show and would have my mentor takeover the show..I was on the phone working from my bed..My husband was a high ranking IBM executive and we were moved around every few years...and still I hung in there until my body could no longer take it anymore..the need for infusions was increasing..sometimes up to 5 times a year..hospitalized anywhere from 5-12 days...

@Snowpuppy

[Truffles]

Thank you @Noel7..it is an awful predicament to be in..He took the hard drive with all of our financial informationand did a number of nasty things..but all with be well..something has got to give.

[JaneMarple]

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@Noel7 wrote:

My grandmother told me to have my own money and I made sure of it... still, after all these years. I tell my daughter the same thing and suggest a pre-nup.

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I have done the same with my three girls @Noel7 but my youngest took it to the extreme. She wanted to pay her car off before going on maternity leave, she would not accept a penny from her husband. 

[Truffles]

@Venezia, Went I was going through my divorce joined a support group of others going through the same process..there were men in the group who had been dumped without notice by their wives..

[Stormygirl]

Divorce is messy all the way around. I have equally seen men taken to the cleaners literally and have no home to live anymore. I had known one couple, both having great jobs (wife made more) who the wife now has to pay the ex-husband alimony and child support as the kids both wanted to go with him and the ex wife was very wealthy from her job. I think that too is fair in that situation. The judge said he truly believes in equal rights and she got it, maybe not to her liking though as she had to pay half of the credit card debt of $60,000 so her end was $30,000. The debts were mostly hers so that is fair too.Her Ex husband is a great father and provider for those 2 kids and  fathers are also getting custody of children in some cases.

I have always told my friends to make sure they have an income (a career even better) and a savings/stash in case of things that can go wrong. Me and DH have both been married before and although I am severely disabled and in Pallative Care now, I have a stash and my own accounts. I pay my own bills and we share the household bills. We will never divorce but we both swear we will never again marry if the other passes. (At least I know I would never marry again) I will never depend on any man for all of my needs as I was left high and dry in my first marriage. Learned a big lesson. I didnt have kids or I would have had to apply for welfare.

[Mz iMac]

"Don't get mad, get even!"

[Tinkrbl44]

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@Snowpuppy wrote:

"These Women" made a choice to not have a income of their own. 

My own beloved grandmother was an immigrant, spoke little English, never drove and didn't work outside the home.

Yet she insisted that a woman have her "pin money" to keep her safe. She always said she had money from the sale of her farm eggs when they lived on the farm. Just in case grandad took off with a floozie from the saloon.

I didn't listen to her when I was young. After all, my stupid girlfriends said "well, he'll just have to take care of you". 

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@Snowpuppy

Funny comment ... but also very true ....  gotta watch out for those floozies!    

[Tinkrbl44]

@Noel7

Three Dog Night .....  Easy To Be Hard   ?