Describe This Please.... - Page 6

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@rrpell wrote:
This is what I do. I first remind myself that I am the only one that inhabits my shell.

No matter how much I disagree with someone, I am the only one that feels those negative feelings . I own them. They are mine.

Then, I concentrate on whether I want those feelings to continue to be inside of me.

If I fully embrace I am in control of what is inside my head, I usually come to the conclusion the only thing that matters is what I do.

I strive to be better. I try not to concentrate on my perceived weaknesses of others.

These situations become just minor annoyances and are put in their proper perspective.

My resolve is not to change them, which is not my job, my focus is always on becoming a better me.

Thank you @rrpell.

*Call Tyrone*

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@Moonchilde wrote:
@Melania wrote:
Why do you require a label? Will it change anything?
You have pretty much made up your mind. What more do you want?

Validation? Attention?

Some may consider me a lot of things but an attention seeker is not one. I don't need validation from people I don't know either. How would that work @Moonchilde? On a forum with people I will never meet or lay eyes on?

*Call Tyrone*

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@Texasmouse wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@libbyannE wrote:
The world is often a mirror, so if something upsets you in someone else, it could be that it reminds you if something you do not like in yourself. When someone irritates me, which is not often, I always ask myself that question to see what I can learn in a positive way. Having said that, I do not understand your post because you have assessed this person already. Why hang out with someone whose behavior bothers you? Move on.
This is interesting, but it is often true. Not one of the traits I mentioned could describe me. Not one. Honestly, I'm not a "me" person, I am a we person. I prefer comrade. I don't do underhanded things to people, as I would not be able to sleep at night (guilt). I'm nothing like this person, thus, the reason I dislike her so @libbyannE.
Maybe it's the"opposites attract" thing. You're the yin to her yang. Perhaps she sees qualities in you that she wishes she could possess (even though she might never admit it) or maybe you remind her of someone in her life at some point who made her feel wanted or needed. Either way, it has to be a two-way thing so if you're doing all the giving and she's doing all the taking, that will wear thin after a while. I'm not good at confrontation so I don't envy you the task of distancing yourself from her. Good luck, @itiswhatitis

Thanks @Texasmouse.

*Call Tyrone*

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@Drythe wrote:
@itiswhatitis

~Share no information with this person. Give them NOTHING to comment about. If this person shares info with you simply reply - oh, or my, my. Do not offer an opinion, advice, or seem interested.
~Use your caller ID
~Do not extend invitations - give no reasons, say you're really busy if pushed
~Do not accept invitations - ditto
~If stuck in an elevator with this person and forced to talk, discuss the weather.
~ If asked a direct question change the subject to the most boring thing you can think of.
~ If a long sad story comes along, say, oh, or my, my - do not offer help.

Best of luck.

Thank you! So far I have not. OMG, your post helps a lot @Drythe.

*Call Tyrone*

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@Melania wrote:
Why do you require a label? Will it change anything?
You have pretty much made up your mind. What more do you want?
I'm not asking YOU for a label. I have given her one myself. I am asking for ways to disengage with her. I'm not a flat out in your face rude person. I have tried not to give the impression we are close but she doesn't get it.

@Melania. If you don't have any suggestions, that's ok. Thanks anyway.
@itiswhatitis

You didn't specifiy under what circumstances you interact with this person ... is she a co-worker .... a neighbor ... or what?

Just distance yourself from her, slowly, and have nothing more to do with her. I don't think you need to have a "we are breaking up" conversation or make any announcements. Just back away.

I did. I said that she won't back off. I thought that was enough to help understand what I was looking for. I said she doesn't get the message. What more could I have possibly said @Tinkrbl44.

*Call Tyrone*

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@itiswhatitis wrote:
@Moonchilde wrote:
@Melania wrote:
Why do you require a label? Will it change anything?
You have pretty much made up your mind. What more do you want?

Validation? Attention?
Some may consider me a lot of things but an attention seeker is not one. I don't need validation from people I don't know either. How would that work @Moonchilde? On a forum with people I will never meet or lay eyes on?

Well, it wouldn't work for ME, I know that. But it very clearly does work for some people who post on these forums every day, day in and day out. I don't know their whys and wherefores, I just know that I (and others) see it, because I am not alone in feeling that some posters on these forums DO seek validation and attention. Others comment similarly about this in threads I haven't even participated in.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@Moonchilde wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@Moonchilde wrote:
@Melania wrote:
Why do you require a label? Will it change anything?
You have pretty much made up your mind. What more do you want?

Validation? Attention?
Some may consider me a lot of things but an attention seeker is not one. I don't need validation from people I don't know either. How would that work @Moonchilde? On a forum with people I will never meet or lay eyes on?

Well, it wouldn't work for ME, I know that. But it very clearly does work for some people who post on these forums every day, day in and day out. I don't know their whys and wherefores, I just know that I (and others) see it, because I am not alone in feeling that some posters on these forums DO seek validation and attention. Others comment similarly about this in threads I haven't even participated in.

I don't post on here every day. Your response was directly related to why I used a "term" to describe someone. Inferring that I could be a poster who comes here every day to seek validation. How about yourself? How often are you here @Moonchilde? Aren't you then, here as often as others to see that they need this validation you speak of?

SMH.

*Call Tyrone*

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@itiswhatitis wrote:
@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@Melania wrote:
Why do you require a label? Will it change anything?
You have pretty much made up your mind. What more do you want?
I'm not asking YOU for a label. I have given her one myself. I am asking for ways to disengage with her. I'm not a flat out in your face rude person. I have tried not to give the impression we are close but she doesn't get it.

@Melania. If you don't have any suggestions, that's ok. Thanks anyway.
@itiswhatitis

You didn't specifiy under what circumstances you interact with this person ... is she a co-worker .... a neighbor ... or what?

Just distance yourself from her, slowly, and have nothing more to do with her. I don't think you need to have a "we are breaking up" conversation or make any announcements. Just back away.
I did. I said that she won't back off. I thought that was enough to help understand what I was looking for. I said she doesn't get the message. What more could I have possibly said @Tinkrbl44.

@itiswhatitis

Well, it would have been helpful to know if you work in the next cubucle with this person, or what the circumstances are that place you in close proximity. If you stated it, I certainly didn't see it anywhere, which is the reason I asked. It was a reasonable question.

If you are expecting HER to back off, please don't hold your breath waiting for this to happen. That's not going to accomplish anything.

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@Melania wrote:
Why do you require a label? Will it change anything?
You have pretty much made up your mind. What more do you want?
I'm not asking YOU for a label. I have given her one myself. I am asking for ways to disengage with her. I'm not a flat out in your face rude person. I have tried not to give the impression we are close but she doesn't get it.

@Melania. If you don't have any suggestions, that's ok. Thanks anyway.
@itiswhatitis

You didn't specifiy under what circumstances you interact with this person ... is she a co-worker .... a neighbor ... or what?

Just distance yourself from her, slowly, and have nothing more to do with her. I don't think you need to have a "we are breaking up" conversation or make any announcements. Just back away.
I did. I said that she won't back off. I thought that was enough to help understand what I was looking for. I said she doesn't get the message. What more could I have possibly said @Tinkrbl44.
@itiswhatitis

Well, it would have been helpful to know if you work in the next cubucle with this person, or what the circumstances are that place you in close proximity. If you stated it, I certainly didn't see it anywhere, which is the reason I asked. It was a reasonable question.

If you are expecting HER to back off, please don't hold your breath waiting for this to happen. That's not going to accomplish anything.

The setting matters very little. Some of what I indicated earlier on was that I would typically know how to deal with someone like this and drop them in a heart beat. I've tried that. Didn't work. Hanger-on! To what degree and how I know the person really has no baring on how to get rid of her @Tinkrbl44.

*Call Tyrone*

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@itiswhatitis wrote:
@Moonchilde wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@Moonchilde wrote:
@Melania wrote:
Why do you require a label? Will it change anything?
You have pretty much made up your mind. What more do you want?

Validation? Attention?
Some may consider me a lot of things but an attention seeker is not one. I don't need validation from people I don't know either. How would that work @Moonchilde? On a forum with people I will never meet or lay eyes on?

Well, it wouldn't work for ME, I know that. But it very clearly does work for some people who post on these forums every day, day in and day out. I don't know their whys and wherefores, I just know that I (and others) see it, because I am not alone in feeling that some posters on these forums DO seek validation and attention. Others comment similarly about this in threads I haven't even participated in.
I don't post on here every day. Your response was directly related to why I used a "term" to describe someone. Inferring that I could be a poster who comes here every day to seek validation. How about yourself? How often are you here @Moonchilde? Aren't you then, here as often as others to see that they need this validation you speak of?

SMH.

It was not my intention, nor did I single you out (in fact, the reverse) as far as "inferring" you specifically were anything. I said there are people who come here every day for validation. Following on, that would be a logical reason to think someone might be doing same - because it is seen. You had asked why would I think (you or anyone) was an attention-seeker. My response was, because they exist here, they're not rare or subtle.

Yes, I'm here every day - to say what I think about topics that interest me, not to seek validation or recognition. But yes, I do see that behavior in a few others, and I'm not the only poster who does. Seeing it does not mean I in turn must necessarily do it.

And FWIW, it's relatively rare for any thread-starter, no matter who it is (including me), to escape judgment of some kind. That's human nature. Do we like it when it's directed at us? Of course not. But it's part of the everyday of the forums.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all