Describe This Please.... - Page 5

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@Cakers3 wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@Cakers3 wrote:
@itiswhatitis I'm not sure what you are looking for. You already determined that this person has all the negative qualities you listed. Whether one needs to refer to her as a narcissist is not relevant.

It's a toxic situation and since you are trying to remove yourself from her company then there really isn't much else to do-unless you want to show her that list.

I find that diagnosing another individual without credentials is only what you see and you may not necessarily be right regarding all those negative qualities.

Only you can keep your distance; eventually she will move on to somebody who can supply what she needs.

I have some knowledge, though I don't consider myself credentialed. I am not. They are observations I've made concerning her behavior when in my presence. I don't need someone to agree that she is a narcissist (my opinion) @Cakers3.

As for her keeping her distance (she has not). That's part of the problem. It's like a game to her, almost (imo). I've tried the diplomatic approach, but maybe telling her straight out I don't like her and tell her why would be a good idea too.
@itiswhatitis I'm sorry I didn't mean to imply that you have no idea what you were saying. I simply don't care for labels.

It's all good.

Yes it is all good @Cakers3. You label people just like I do. You just won't admit it. We all do it. It's part of being human.

*Call Tyrone*

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@fortune wrote:
@itiswhatitis
My granddog, Jasper, has modeled for a number of sayings. Here's what advice he gives you.

Avoid Toxic People

Thank you @Texasmouse! I do try to avoid people I don't like. Seems only natural that anyone would do this. Sometimes it's not that easy. A family member told me to stick it out because of the uncomfortable situation that may arise when we run into one another (that will surely happen).

*Call Tyrone*

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@itiswhatitis wrote:
I need different points of view about someone I've come to know. I have come to the conclusion that she is a narcissist. I could be wrong but I'm wondering what you would call someone who is:

Must be the center of attention (all the time)

Needs people to "need her."

Over inflated sense of self importance

Whines all the time about how she is treated by others (misunderstood, people picking on her)

Sneaky and does underhanded things

Not very emphatic towards others. If so, only when it will put her in a good light.

Will cause trouble for some just because she can

I am a firm believer that if there are people you don't get along with well, that you stay out of their way and/or not associate with them. I'm not into drama so it would be no problem for me to drop this person as an associate in a heart beat. I pretty much have, but she hasn't gotten the message yet.

Thanks.

@itiswhatitis

NOT naming any names here, but that sounds just like someone who has been running for office! lol

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@reiki604 wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@reiki604 wrote:
What difference does it make if she is a narcissist or not? If you no longer want to deal with her, leave the diagnosis to professionals and move on with your life unless you are looking for an excuse to dump her. In that case, you can call her whatever you want to justify your distancing yourself from her.
@reiki604, did you know there was all kinds of advice available to help people who love narcissists? That was just a simple way for me to describe her. Suppose I left narccist out? What would you think of a person with the traits I mentioned? Notwithstanding, the "title" was simply used for me to describe her and not diagnose her.

Ever heard of how people describe the greedy? Greedy would be their title and with that title there are a certain set of traits they hold.

It wouldn't matter what I thought of a person with those traits.............they simply wouldn't be in my life. Greedy is a trait not a diagnosis although I hesitate to assign those labels to someone. If I don't like the way a person behaves, they become irrelevant to my life regardless of their traits. We can never know what causes someone to behave the way they do. We can only control our own reactions and behaviors.

@reiki604, well yeah. However, what I refer to her as is not important to what I'm trying to achieve. It was simply a way to describe her behavior. You had nothing to offer in that regard. However, was quick to tell me about how I see her. My point of view about her is not the issue at hand. It's ridding myself of her.

*Call Tyrone*

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@itiswhatitis wrote:
@Melania wrote:
Why do you require a label? Will it change anything?
You have pretty much made up your mind. What more do you want?
I'm not asking YOU for a label. I have given her one myself. I am asking for ways to disengage with her. I'm not a flat out in your face rude person. I have tried not to give the impression we are close but she doesn't get it.

@Melania. If you don't have any suggestions, that's ok. Thanks anyway.

@itiswhatitis

You didn't specifiy under what circumstances you interact with this person ... is she a co-worker .... a neighbor ... or what?

Just distance yourself from her, slowly, and have nothing more to do with her. I don't think you need to have a "we are breaking up" conversation or make any announcements. Just back away.

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@cherry wrote:
My neighbor had a situation like that. She finally just came out and told the person she didn't have time for those kinds of relationships. I thought it took courage for her to do this ,as the person she parted ways with had been quite a good friend

This person was so demanding. She would just get mad at people, for almost no reason ,and expect you to drop what ever you were doing ,and take her places or give her things. She was foreign, and a differnt culture, so perhaps, that is the way she was raised to behave

It was a tough thing to do, but in the long run she was glad she did

It's actually a little like having hard feelings towards neighbors. Many people live in communities where they don't get along with some of their neighbors and they have no control over it. Thank goodness she is not a family member.

The only time I would give consideration to someone's cultural norms are if they are in my immediate group of people I congregate with. This wouldn't be church, but other activities. This is not the case, for this woman. I rarely dislike someone as much as I do her.

*Call Tyrone*

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@muttmom wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
I need different points of view about someone I've come to know. I have come to the conclusion that she is a narcissist. I could be wrong but I'm wondering what you would call someone who is:

Must be the center of attention (all the time)

Needs people to "need her."

Over inflated sense of self importance

Whines all the time about how she is treated by others (misunderstood, people picking on her)

Sneaky and does underhanded things

Not very emphatic towards others. If so, only when it will put her in a good light.

Will cause trouble for some just because she can

I am a firm believer that if there are people you don't get along with well, that you stay out of their way and/or not associate with them. I'm not into drama so it would be no problem for me to drop this person as an associate in a heart beat. I pretty much have, but she hasn't gotten the message yet.

Thanks.

I think you've described a few posters here.

I'm sure I did, but that wasn't the intent. I don't know anyone here @muttmom.

*Call Tyrone*

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@AngelPuppy1 wrote:
Sometimes it is not entirely possible to avoid or drop someone like this. If they are an immediate family member or if they work with you, it's very difficult. I have or have had a couple of people in my life like this. My best advice is the same as others, if you can avoid this person, do so. If not, limit contact as much as possible.

This type of person is usually (in my experience) one who is never wrong also. They pretend to be humble, pretend to have low self-esteem, pretend to care about others, when just the opposite is true.

I once had a "friend" who all she did was use me as a sounding board for everything that she felt was wrong in her life, to listen to every injustice that was done to her, to sit and hold her hand (literally) about every imagined health issue she pretended to have. In exchange, she turned a blind eye and a cold heart toward me when I could have used her with any problem or issue I had. No support was ever forthcoming from her and never did she ask me if there was anything she could do for me.

Thankfully and blessedly she is no longer around me on an every day basis so my exposure to her is very limited.

You cannot win with someone such as this and it's best to stay as far away as you possibly can!!!!!

Thank you! You've been there @AngelPuppy1.

*Call Tyrone*

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@software wrote:
AGREE!
I'd also like to add BE the person who brings out the best in others.
A person with a certain behavior seems to attract people with similar behavior.
Not saying this is the case for the OP, just saying.

@AKgirl2 wrote:
Sorround yourself with people who being out the best in you, and not the worst in you. This has gotten easier through the years😊

Well, yeah and opposites attract also. I don't bring out the worst in anyone knowingly @software. So much for that theory.

*Call Tyrone*

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@Trinity11 wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@Pearlee wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
I need different points of view about someone I've come to know. I have come to the conclusion that she is a narcissist. I could be wrong but I'm wondering what you would call someone who is:

Must be the center of attention (all the time)

Needs people to "need her."

Over inflated sense of self importance

Whines all the time about how she is treated by others (misunderstood, people picking on her)

Sneaky and does underhanded things

Not very emphatic towards others. If so, only when it will put her in a good light.

Will cause trouble for some just because she can

I am a firm believer that if there are people you don't get along with well, that you stay out of their way and/or not associate with them. I'm not into drama so it would be no problem for me to drop this person as an associate in a heart beat. I pretty much have, but she hasn't gotten the message yet.

Thanks.

@itiswhatitis Since you haven't posted anything positive in this list, and since you have pretty much gotten rid of her anyway, what difference does it make what we think? IMO you know the answer to what you are asking here already.
I haven't got rid of her yet. She's not getting my drift. Like I indicated, I have tried to sever ties with her in a diplomatic way. It's possible I may have to resort to ratchetness @Pearlee.
With people like that you need to be frank and let them know you have no intention in having any interaction with them. I have only had to do that once in my lifetime and it was difficult but I knew it had to be done. Diplomacy goes over their head and won't work because they think they are so "special" and "wonderful" you couldn't possibly want to dissolve a relationship with them.