Re: Dealing With A Control Freak.

Effie54 · ‎09-08-2010

Yup, same here.....sibling. I steer clear when touchy subjects come up. Otherwise, I'd tear my hair out!

agb80 · ‎10-16-2020

When my husband needs direction I am more than happy to provide it. He would be lost without me bobbing in the sea lost...wet and cold eating strange things.

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Happily, he takes direction very well..although sometimes it takes a little hands on...

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CrazyKittyLvr2 · ‎05-11-2013

My sister is not mean, nasty or self-absorbed. She would give anyone the shirt off her back.

She just likes to tell you what "you" should do, but heaven forbid, you want her to take care of herself she gets snippy.

Over a year and 1/2 ago when her problems started and she refused to make a dr. appt., we got, "I'll know when it's time to go to the dr." However, she was constantly telling me, her DH, daughters how bad she felt and howsick she was, yet we were to keep quiet.

Her choice medically, of course, but then don't complain and expect us to just watch you get worse.

AngelPuppy1 · ‎03-13-2010

@jubilant

The older I get, the more I realize that with some people, the less you say, the better off you are!

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin

GenXmuse · ‎05-15-2016

If you're sister is wonder 98% of the time, why bring it up as if it were a problem? That's why people responded the way they did.

Growing · ‎07-12-2020

@CrazyKittyLvr2 wrote:
My sister is not mean, nasty or self-absorbed. She would give anyone the shirt off her back.

She just likes to tell you what "you" should do, but heaven forbid, you want her to take care of herself she gets snippy.

Over a year and 1/2 ago when her problems started and she refused to make a dr. appt., we got, "I'll know when it's time to go to the dr." However, she was constantly telling me, her DH, daughters how bad she felt and howsick she was, yet we were to keep quiet.

Her choice medically, of course, but then don't complain and expect us to just watch you get worse.

Can you see this sister as a person who is afraid to lose her independence and become helpless in her mind? She controls because she feels helpless or because she's narcissistic- you know her, I don't. Just something to think about. She's better off if you all don't allow her to control everyone and drive. She won't like you all speaking up but that is better than seething silently in anger. We can love difficult people without allowing them to run us over. It's really about our reaction to their behavior. We are healthier if we act not react. I also have difficult, controlling relatives and sometimes they are so awful acting that everyone has begun to dislike each other. It's because they hate themselves inside and don't feel anyone loves them or they aren't lovable in my situation.

Lilysmom1 · ‎11-08-2020

@Icegoddess , I still remember putting up wall paper in our first house with DH. Now I just don't go there lol. Good luck! S

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

@AngelPuppy1 wrote:
@jubilant
The older I get, the more I realize that with some people, the less you say, the better off you are!

@AngelPuppy1 Yes, that works best sometimes. I had a mother-in-law that was very much like this. She was constantly telling me how to raise my kids. She was a chaotic woman. I finally had to speak up occasionally when she tried to undermine me with my own kids. When I did have "the talks" with her she would huff and puff and leave my home with hair bristled and stomping off to her car.

The funny part of this is, about 2 weeks after that, I would get a phone call from her saying she had just made pumpkin pies ( my favorite and she knew it!) and that I should send DH to come and get them. I came to realize , that while she never verbally said she was sorry, the pumpkin pie was her peace offering. I did accept it as that. Although she was still a difficult person at times, she did keep me in pumpkin pies!!!!

When she was about to die, I was at the hospital almost every day. One day I was late and as I was about to enter her hospital room I hear her yelling, "where's Jubilant"??? I walked in and she smiled. I told her I could hear her down the hall. Her other kids were already there so I said to her, "why are you calling for me". You know what she said? She said, I need you here because I know you will tell me the truth. Then she asked what her prognosis was so I told her. She lived about one more week. I was with her the day before she died. She told me she loved me. Something I never imagined her saying in my wildest dreams. It taught me some valuable lessons and is behind why I said what I did. It taught me that there is a wrong way and a right way to stand up to people like this. While you may have to be firm, you can do it in a manner that shows them respect and love. Sometimes that doesn't work with everyone but I think speaking the truth with love to controller's is the way to go. It may not always work but it's a good place to start,imo.

newname0 · ‎06-20-2015

In simple language -

be grateful you have a sister even though she has her issues.

My sister was estranged from our family and the last time I saw her was when she was 30 years ago. I didn't see her again until I was approached by a lawyer who informed me that she had passed away at 62 yrs.

I buried my sister as she had surmised she would be buried so as I said at the beginning be grateful you have a sister who is speaking to you. Give her a hug for me.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@CrazyKittyLvr2 wrote:
@50Mickey No, I wasn't there. My sister told me that the girls made dinner and cleaned up. She told me that she couldn't be in the kitchen to direct.

@CrazyKittyLvr2 In that case, why worry about it? Don't be around her more than you have to and otherwise, let it go.