Community Chat

[cotton4me]

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@CalminHeart wrote:

I am POA and take care of my disabled younger sister. I also take care of my 90 yr old dad. I figure it's my calling at this time in my life.

My sister had a massive stroke at age 53. In many ways, she functions at her current age, 64, but in other ways she functions like a 9 year old, She has little to no self control, an "I want it now!" attitude, and lots of demands. She lives with my parents, now just Dad, and they never said no to her after the stroke. And I mean never. I was making myself sick trying to keep up. I finally stopped jumping every time she said jump. Life is a lot less stressful now that I started saying 'no' sometimes and set boundaries. Now she thinks I'm the control freak. 

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@CalminHeart 

My heart goes out to you.  You certainly have a full plate, being a caregiver to two people.  I was my husband’s caregiver until his death so I know how demanding it can be, but also rewarding.  Like you, I felt it was my calling at the time.  Bless you.

[Imaoldhippie]

Having been raised by a control freak mother, I grew up thinking that was the way it worked.  I turned into a control freak but did not realize it.  I actually thought I was helping, never occurred to me I was controling.  However, now in later life I put a strict control on it and keep my yap shut.

[CJC]

You have not lived in paradise until you've lived in an HOA control freak neighborhood. 

[qualitygal]

When they issue orders, you don't have to stay there and take it.  Walk away.  They can't fight, argue, etc., if no one is there to boss around.  Walk away.

[Auntie CC]

I havent talked to my only sister in more than 20 years. Her personality was toxic to me and I made the choice to distance myself and my family. Not 1 single regret! 

[goldensrbest]

Could be that it is tough for her to give up being able to do what she use to do,that can be very hard on a person.

[wonderfulworld]

With all of her health challenges and needing a wheelchair maybe now...at this time...empathy and ignoring the bossiness are the best way to go.

[shoptilyadropagain]

I'm a control freak but only with things that involve me and my life and NEVER with anybody else.  That type of control would NOT fly with me.  

[Texasmouse]

I come from a long line of control freaks. My father and his mother before him were control freaks and it's a pattern. When that's the kind of parenting you've had, that's how you parent your own kids. It took me a long time to realize how nit-picky I was with my kids, focusing so much attention on unimportant things, but it's very difficult and takes a very conscious effort to change your ways. 

[Porcelain]

The OP did not say her sister is a toxic narcissist. She said, "My sister is a wonderful woman, and we get along 98% of the time, but she thinks it is her job to run everyone's life."

I think we're lumping in all the different control issues into this same topic. There are toxic people it's good to be done with. And then there are pain-in-the-pants bossy-sox people we love and don't want to be rid of.

I remember my dad had a mantra he would use whenever his mom started in on her current son improvement project, usually weight. "I love you too, Mom." was his response to her over and over again.

She wanted him to lose weight because she was certain he would be happier for it. She did not realize she was just causing a rift and unhappiness. She thought she was accomplishing the opposite. Even after he tried to explain it to her.

So he chose to recognize the love and reject the rest. "I love you too, Mom." Again and again instead of abandoning her. I thought it was beautiful of him to figure that out.