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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,672
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

DON'T TELL ME WHAT...

[ Edited ]

1.  to do and I won't tell you where to go.

 

2.   Never do anything you shouldn't explain to the paramedics.

 

3.   Of course there are a lot of things more important than money in life.  Provided you have enough money.

 

4.   4 bottles of bleach $20.00.  A coil of rope, 4 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $45.00.  3 boxes of XXL bin liners $10.00.  The look on the cashier's face:                                       Priceless.

 

5.   My brother went to jail.  He didn't take it very well.  He was yelling insults and attacking everyone.  I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.

 

6.   I told my Dad he should embrace his mistakes.  He had tears in his eyes.  Then he hugged my sister and me.

 

7.   When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

 

8.   A man found a magic lamp with a genie that offered him three wishes.  The man said, "For my first wish I would like to be rich."  "Okay, said the genie.  "What would you like for your second wish?"

 

9.   An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel and thinks its an exit.  A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an oncoming train.  The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on the train tracks.

 

10.   I saw a poster today, somebody was asking, "Have you seen my cat?"  So I called the number and said that I didn't.  I like to help where I can.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,295
Registered: ‎03-27-2010

You put a smile on my face....Happy V-Day to you @Lindsays Grandma Heart

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,095
Registered: ‎12-17-2011

# 1😉

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,672
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@phoenixbrd wrote:

You put a smile on my face....Happy V-Day to you @Lindsays Grandma Heart


@phoenixbrd ...Happy V -Day to you too and if I made you smile I accomplished what I set out to do. Woman Happy

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,249
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Lindsays Grandma  

I don't know where you find these but I look forward to them every day and LOL

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,095
Registered: ‎12-17-2011

@Lindsays Grandma  No matter what kind of day I’m having when I see your post I know I’m going to laugh. Happy Valentines Day 😘

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,010
Registered: ‎08-29-2010

@Lindsays Grandma 

 

   There are posts I won't read because of the poster's name attached to them; however, it is just the opposite when I see "LindsaysGrandma."  I click because it bears your name.  Thank you.   

Strive for respect instead of attention. It lasts longer.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,630
Registered: ‎08-19-2014

@Lindsays Grandma   😂😂🤗🤗!!

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,930
Registered: ‎06-30-2014

@Lindsays Grandma 

Hi All................I may have indulged in too much chocolate today, but I don't "get" number 8.

Help?

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,295
Registered: ‎03-27-2010

@Irish1210 I had the same response and read it to my husband.  He offered this suggestion:

 

"..........Okay, Rich, what is your second wish?...."

 

insert the word Rich after the word Okay in the joke....this was my husband's suggestion and it then made sense to me. 

 

 


@Irish1210 wrote:

@Lindsays Grandma 

Hi All................I may have indulged in too much chocolate today, but I don't "get" number 8.

Help?