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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,837
Registered: ‎06-08-2021

 @jellyBEAN  Rather than risking hurt feelings, what could you do to make his visits less work? 3 or 4 times/year doesn't sound excessive to me.

 Crockpot meals? Cooking ahead and having something to reheat? Ordering in?

 You said you weren't close growing up - maybe he feels it, too, and this is his way of repairing that?

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,736
Registered: ‎02-19-2014

I love having a house full of people. I feel like my nest is full and it makes me so happy.

 

And it is a LOT of work, mostly emotionally. The day before and the day before that, before I have house guests, I get in the worst mood and hate everything about my house and wardrobe. I buy a bunch of things and move a bunch of furniture, get into a brief but intense argument with DH, and then do a bunch of deep cleaning to work out all the tension.

 

And then I feel better and have a (mostly) great time once the guests arrive. Repeat every vacation and holiday season.

When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.
"Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,303
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

My cousin comes to visit and stays with me every year, of course last year she didn't come. But we've all been vaccinated and she and her husband came down and stayed for 4 days. It was nice, we did lots of things and on Saturday I invited my sisters and we had a dinner at my house and it was very nice. It felt good doing normal things again.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,168
Registered: ‎05-08-2010

@scatcat wrote:

Two lines in your post gave me pause and made me a little sad 

 

"he won't be around much longer" and "he's bored"

 

 


Why?  The OP herself might not be around much longer if she keeps putting up with the stress and overwork she allows him to cause her.  I have no sympathy for his feeling "bored." In my experience, only boring people get bored, and boredom usually goes along with ingratitude. Now THAT'S  "sad."

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,019
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

I rarely have guests, and it's usually just family. I can't say I love it, but it never lasts more than a day or two. I'm glad to see them come, and I'm usually just as glad to see them go. I focus on enjoying the time they are here and not all the work to get ready for them, or clean up after them. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,040
Registered: ‎09-12-2010

I wonder if this family member announces in advance that he's coming to visit for a few days - if so, that would be the perfect time to cut him off and let him know that you're no longer hosting family visits. Just tell him, and don't let him talk you out of it! He has over-extended his welcome and created more work for you. It's your home, and you set the rules...and the new rule should be that family members need to find a hotel for sleeping, restaurants for their meals, and local venues for their daily entertainment! You've put up with him long enough - time to pull the welcome mat from the front door!

Contributor
Posts: 70
Registered: ‎04-26-2010
I lost my husband a few years ago - so having company is different now. But that being said I have a pool in the backyard and live on the lake so I have a lot of company ! It's mostly young people - my grown sons friends come up for the weekends with their babies even if my sons aren't here ! I love them so it's fine. And I do think it's funny that they live no more than 30 - 45 minutes away but pack up and come for weekend stays 🙂
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,473
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I enjoy guests --although last time instead of staying with us the kids stayed at a hotel.  Truthfully, it was awesome ...don't tell them but after they left for the night it was 💃💃!

They just told me they've decided to come for the Christmas holiday -- I can't imagine I'm saying this but I already made them reservations at hotel.  GD is welcome to stay if she wants but she won't.

 

I'm at a stage of life as much as I love my kids & company I prefer 3 day max -- I'm not loving the "work" and frankly, I'm not on vacation.  When my kids visit they are in  "vacation" mode, ie, eating out b-l-d, amusement parks, miniature golf & more -- we just can't anymore with spouse illness.  Sadly, things are different now, plus where we live there is nothing here except strip shopping centers🙄. 


Besides, these vacations cost me big $$$ because spouse feels they are "our guests" which causes problems as I say not "our" obligation to pay for everything.

 

Although, my cousins come for a few days and we do things which makes it enjoyable.  Even if it's just sitting at the pool or lanai having drinks🙂

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,038
Registered: ‎06-03-2018

I'm not comfortable staying over with anyone and definitely don't want anyone staying at my house! 

 

I think I would kindly tell him that next time he comes to town you would love to see him and go out to dinner or lunch but you are just not up to house quests anymore and leave it at that. Any normal person would appreciate your honesty. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,031
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

I think if I was by myself I may like company more.  If you have an anti social husband it is hard.