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Super Contributor
Posts: 361
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Closed Adoption Question

@chrystaltree  I don't know anything about the adoptee - I was only thinking about the birth mother.  After reading these posts, I have absolutely decided to drop any further thoughts of facilitating.

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Re: Closed Adoption Question


@SahmIam wrote:

@TeezNu Please believe me when I say I responded as someone who has seen it from all sides and I understand that pain the mother who gave up her child feels.... she needs closure but will truly never have it. Woman who make this choice are selfless and I have the utmost respect for them. It is only fair, however, to make it known that so many lives WILL be changed forever with that one knock. 

 

I do not believe that one's person need should trump the lives of at LEAST 3 but often far, far more. You are good person for wanting to help this woman. However, perhaps staying silent would be the greater gift to give. Hugs.


My mom is reunited with my sibling that she put up for adoption and it's only been a positive experience for everyone involved. 

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Registered: ‎09-24-2011

Re: Closed Adoption Question

@TeezNu

 

What I know on this matter is that the child is the only one who has access to the birth file.  Once a copy of the birth certificate is provided, the child has access to any info contained relative to the birth mother.  If the birth father is listed in the file, he has to give permission for any info to be given out about him; if deceased, then the birth father's children must give permission for the child to access the information:  without permission from the father's children, all information regarding the birth father would be redacted. 

 

However, most often, the birth father's name is not given; therefore, there would be no information on him re nationality, family illnesses et al.  When the name is given they would record all pertinent information available.

 

And, should the child be interested, they would contact the birth parents to see if they wanted to meet.  But again, that's up to the immediate parties involved.

 

So, unless laws are totally different in your locale, I would assume you, being a totally disinterested party would not be granted access to any information on a closed adoption.

 

In any case, perhaps a private investigator could track this child down.  I don't know the legalities in effect.  I know there was a program on that celebs tracked down family members.  You may want to watch that and see how it works.

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Re: Closed Adoption Question


@jaxs mom wrote:

@SahmIam wrote:

@TeezNu Please believe me when I say I responded as someone who has seen it from all sides and I understand that pain the mother who gave up her child feels.... she needs closure but will truly never have it. Woman who make this choice are selfless and I have the utmost respect for them. It is only fair, however, to make it known that so many lives WILL be changed forever with that one knock. 

 

I do not believe that one's person need should trump the lives of at LEAST 3 but often far, far more. You are good person for wanting to help this woman. However, perhaps staying silent would be the greater gift to give. Hugs.


My mom is reunited with my sibling that she put up for adoption and it's only been a positive experience for everyone involved. 


 

       And my friend's life was torn to shreds when the daughter she gave up for adoption decided to insert herself into her life....against my friend's wishes.  My friend now wishes that she had terminated the pregnancy but she thought she was doing the right thing by giving the child to a loving family...who deperately wanted her.  It blew up in her face when a now senile pastor gave the girl information to help her find her "real mother".  All he succeeded in doing is hurting and devasting both women.  My friend had made peace with a horrible situation but now that's over.   Restraining orders, lawyers, looking over her shoulder.  Closed adoptions are usually closed for a reason.

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Re: Closed Adoption Question

I would support my friend, as in a shoulder to lean on.  I wouldn't get involved in tracking down the child.

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Re: Closed Adoption Question

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Respected Contributor
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Re: Closed Adoption Question

[ Edited ]

@TeezNu. Tell your friend to do some online research for subjects like "adoptees in search" "birth parents in search" etc.  They have search engines using birth dates, birth locations, etc.  In some cases, a child could have something posted indicating they'd like to find birth parent, & vice versa.  Perhaps you could help her this way.

 

What I did not say in my previous post is that I thought I'd found my daughter that way, a few years before she found me.  I was pretty sure I was the person she was looking for, based on something specific about me that she wrote in her posting.  Can't go into detail because it's too revealing.  So I knew she'd been looking for me.  I tried contacting her using the email on her posting but by then she was no longer using it.  Since I then had her name, I did an internet search & thought I'd found her but there was only a business address & phone.  I wasn't about to just call someone at work one day & blurt out, "I think I'm your mom."  Didn't want to send her a letter, either, because some organizations have admin employees open all incoming mail & I didn't want some stranger seeing it.  Since I was already terrified that she might hate me for giving her up, I just sat on it without taking any action, yet always wondering.  I told her all about it.

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Posts: 8,560
Registered: ‎05-23-2011

Re: Closed Adoption Question

My ex-husband was adopted and about twenty years ago he contacted our home state he looked up the adoption agency who had placed him. They acted as the middle man and contacted his birth mother's family to see if they were interested in meeting him. They were but not before he found out that his birth mother had passed away by the time he was five and that his birth father's name on his birth certificate wasn't real.

 

He found out lots if great information and that his baby pictures were in the family album but no one spoke of who the baby was. His birth parents weren't married which was still taboo in the late fifties and he was also a mixed race child that made the situation worse. His mother was divorced and afraid of losing her daughter if she had kept him because she came from a very small town in western Massachusetts where things like being an unwed mothers didn't happen.

 

My kids and his sister's daughter keep in contact but he and his sister don't get along.

 

 

 

 

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Re: Closed Adoption Question

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