@NameAlreadyTaken wrote:
@NycVixen wrote:
I understand the concern. There are a lot of chemicals being used. Not a good idea. But there's not much you can do.
My mom was a heavy smoker when I was little and those were her Malboro years. I don't know if someone ever told her anything, but knowing her she would most likely say it was her house, mind your business. So far, I'm OK (fingers crossed). She wasn't affectionate, but the house was clean, food was on the table and a roof over my head. That was her definition of being a good mother. I don't agree but according to her that's my opinion.
Parents cannot be expected to do everything with 100% thinking if it's good for their children. It's just not realistic. It's sad but true. Unfortunately, some things have to give. I don't smoke and it's due to seeing how horrible it is firsthand. So in that vein, she did me a favor. I definitely won't be taking my children to a nail salon but I have to accept that not doing so won't be a priority for others. Let's just hope taking the little ones to a salon is the only area where these mothers drop the ball.
That was the definition of a mother at the time and what was expected of them and they were expected to raise strong children, not fragile children. She smoked as did most women of her day. Don't hold grudges. You will wear yourself down. Appreciate your mother for what she did because it was what she knew.
Nope. Gotta step up here. People are both shaped by their childhoods and allowed to feel the way they feel about something. If you have a parent that feeds and clothes you but shows no manifestation of love or affection, that parent "had children" because every woman at that time, in that era, had children whether they actually wanted them or not.
"Because it's just what you did" back then does not mean your parent was a wonderful person and you just have to deal with your feelings because they're invalid to start with.
And feeling, and being affected by something, does not necessarily mean you will "wear yourself down" (??). I absolutely think about things I wish my mother had done or not done - sometimes with anger, usually with sadness. I don't 100% "blame" her. She was, as you say, a product of her time. But that doesn't mean she (or any other parent) can't/shouldn't be criticized. She could have and should have learned from her own past; she chose not to.
We deal with what we deal with. We come out as adults shaped to some degree by our childhoods - that's inherent.
Parents are not sacrosanct, they're human, with human failings.
Life without Mexican food is no life at all