Community Chat

[NoelSeven]

On 9/17/2014 redhead handbag queen said:

I was married young and abused by my ex-husband. It started exactly one week after the wedding, there were signs prior but I was too naïve to see them. He started with the demeaning/nasty remarks then went on to the physical abuse, I was pushed down a flight of stairs, had a door kicked shut on my arm (my daughter was in the other) as I was trying to leave. It took fifteen years for the nightmares to stop.

Before this, I said to girlfriends I would never put with this, if you met me now you would have trouble believing I was even involved with him with him at all. The first time he hit me I went into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and said “what did I do to deserve this?” and then stopped myself. My parents were out of town so I went to my in-laws and my MIL said, and I quote “what did you do to make him do this?” I was just floored. I’m sure this is what my ex grew up it so therefore it was “ok”.

My daughter was 9 months old and starting to walk around tables and knocked a couple magazines down. He just flipped out and got right in her face and screamed at her, I knew I had to leave because he was going to start in on her. I was married to him for just over three years. Leaving was just as hard and scary as staying.

You went through a lot! I'm so glad you saw what was coming for your daughter, and that you got out for her, also. You were very brave.

[Marp2]

I want to express my sincerest thanks to all of the brave women on these boards that have come forward this past week on multiple threads with their very personal stories of the abuse they have suffered. We will never know how many may have found the courage to leave their abusive situations because of your sharing.

Remember, if 1 in 5 men are abusing their spouse or partner that means 1 in 5 women are being abused.

[pitdakota]

Sadly, I believe the stats to be accurate.

And I will echo Marp in recognition of and thanks to those that have come forward with their stories.

I hope that others can learn by reading the stories. It always saddens me when I read a post where someone blames the victim of domestic violence for not leaving. As a part of my job, I have the director from the local shelter for women and families come talk to my students. I have had her as a guest speaker for several years in a row. All of us have learned so much from her. And she states it takes on average of 7 "breaks" or leaving the abuser and returning before the individual actually has enough self confidence, money, and resources to be able to leave the abuser.

Hopefully, all of our understanding will increase and we can work on viable solutions.

[QueenDanceALot]

I have read stats that say one in three women will be victims of domestic violence in their lifetime.

And yes, I believe it.

[NoelSeven]

On 9/17/2014 pitdakota said:

Sadly, I believe the stats to be accurate.

And I will echo Marp in recognition of and thanks to those that have come forward with their stories.

I hope that others can learn by reading the stories. It always saddens me when I read a post where someone blames the victim of domestic violence for not leaving. As a part of my job, I have the director from the local shelter for women and families come talk to my students. I have had her as a guest speaker for several years in a row. All of us have learned so much from her. And she states it takes on average of 7 "breaks" or leaving the abuser and returning before the individual actually has enough self confidence, money, and resources to be able to leave the abuser.

Hopefully, all of our understanding will increase and we can work on viable solutions.

I'm glad you mentioned the 7 breaks average, I said that the other day and I don't think people believed it.

"All of us have learned so much from her. And she states it takes on average of 7 'breaks' or leaving the abuser and returning before the individual actually has enough self confidence, money, and resources to be able to leave the abuser."

[mstyrion]

On 9/17/2014 VanSleepy said: I'm thinking of my five closest female friends, and thinking that one of their husbands may be abusive. Even if I expanded it to 10 friends, I can't imagine it. Not saying it isn't true; just unimaginable.

None of my friends knew for a long time. I was very good at covering it up. He was an alcoholic and got very mean when drunk. I just learned not to be out in social situations when there was a risk he would get drunk or if I saw it happening, we left.

In fact, when I finally kicked him out a couple of people who knew us thought I was just the meanest thing ever for getting rid of that "nice guy".

[VanSleepy]

On 9/17/2014 mstyrion said:

On 9/17/2014 VanSleepy said: I'm thinking of my five closest female friends, and thinking that one of their husbands may be abusive. Even if I expanded it to 10 friends, I can't imagine it. Not saying it isn't true; just unimaginable.

None of my friends knew for a long time. I was very good at covering it up. He was an alcoholic and got very mean when drunk. I just learned not to be out in social situations when there was a risk he would get drunk or if I saw it happening, we left.

In fact, when I finally kicked him out a couple of people who knew us thought I was just the meanest thing ever for getting rid of that "nice guy".

Oh, I hear you. It took me three years to leave, and no one had any idea.

[chumlee_]

It seems like a high percentage, but it have no doubt it is true. I do volunteer work with a woman that I suspect is abused but other than saying 'let me know if you ever want to talk' what should I do? chum

[Lila Belle]

On 9/17/2014 Jig Saw said:

But, but, but, we have raised a generation or two since spanking became taboo so why the increase in violence? Statistically it should have gone down, not up.

No, spanking is not taboo. Being glib as in your post just perpetuates the stigma many abused women and men feel.

[Marp2]

On 9/17/2014 chumlee_ said: It seems like a high percentage, but it have no doubt it is true. I do volunteer work with a woman that I suspect is abused but other than saying 'let me know if you ever want to talk' what should I do? chum

I have no answers for you Chum but hopefully you will get some suggestions from some of those that have been there.