Community Chat

[moonstone dunes]

On 9/17/2014 NoelSeven said:

On 9/17/2014 moonstone dunes said:

Abuse to my ex-husband meant setting a woman on fire. He had to take anger management classes at my request. This was before LE automatically made arrests and issued restraining orders in domestic assault cases.

One of the other participants in the class had set his wife on fire.

The ex told me what he did to me did not "count" as abuse. I left him within one year.

OMG, I'm glad you got out safely!

Thank you, Noel Seven. every time it happened I would think it won't happen again. those days would be the honeymoon days with roses and candy. sometimes godiva chocolates. it is a self-esteem issue. he made me feel, and i allowed it then, that no one could ever care for me. i could not tell anyone, even my family.

[VioletEyes]

On 9/17/2014 Marp2 said:

On 9/17/2014 SoftRaindrops said:

I apologize for my ignorance on the topic.

I just found this ....http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/50-actual-facts-about-dom_b_2193904.html

I also looked at the stats from the Dept of Justice and the number of men who abuse their partners or spouses was very high.

To say I am astounded is putting it mildly.

What is most astounding is when you look at the 1 in 5 statistic it is a safe bet that we all know, live next to or with, work with or for at minimum one man that has used violence against his spouse or partner with the true number being much higher than one.

Marp, thanks for the topic. I learned something here today. I think we need to teach our sons and daughters that we need to respect one another and that violence in any form is verboten. And parents need to teach their children by example.

[VioletEyes]

On 9/17/2014 moonstone dunes said:

Abuse to my ex-husband meant setting a woman on fire. He had to take anger management classes at my request. This was before LE automatically made arrests and issued restraining orders in domestic assault cases.

One of the other participants in the class had set his wife on fire.

The ex told me what he did to me did not ""count"" as abuse. I left him within one year.

I am happy for you that you were able to get out of the relationship. I'm sorry you had to endure any of it..

[Jig Saw]

But, but, but, we have raised a generation or two since spanking became taboo so why the increase in violence? Statistically it should have gone down, not up.

[NoelSeven]

On 9/17/2014 moonstone dunes said:

On 9/17/2014 NoelSeven said:

On 9/17/2014 moonstone dunes said:

Abuse to my ex-husband meant setting a woman on fire. He had to take anger management classes at my request. This was before LE automatically made arrests and issued restraining orders in domestic assault cases.

One of the other participants in the class had set his wife on fire.

The ex told me what he did to me did not "count" as abuse. I left him within one year.

OMG, I'm glad you got out safely!

Thank you, Noel Seven. every time it happened I would think it won't happen again. those days would be the honeymoon days with roses and candy. sometimes godiva chocolates. it is a self-esteem issue. he made me feel, and i allowed it then, that no one could ever care for me. i could not tell anyone, even my family.

I'm sorry That's such a classic pattern, and I understand why you felt you couldn't tell anyone. I hope it's a little better for abused women now that it's out in the open, and now that there are safe houses.

[VanSleepy]

I'm thinking of my five closest female friends, and thinking that one of their husbands may be abusive. Even if I expanded it to 10 friends, I can't imagine it. Not saying it isn't true; just unimaginable.

[kittymomNC]

I don't doubt the stats at all. I'm just glad that this problem is more out in the open now and society is beginning to deal with it. I wonder what the stats would have been 30 or 40 years ago, when it was always kept hidden behind walls and closed doors? Back then, unless women had family they could turn to, there was no safe place for them to go even if they dared tell anyone.

[Teacups]

No one needs to apologize.....Noel is right....I almost fell out of my chair when my good friend a counselor at a mega church in my area told me that was the biggest problem! I could not believe it...seemed like cheating would be the one thing but it was not.

She also explained that called filthy names, and other put downs was very common abuse ....she called it an epidemic! Some were woman but the majority men.

[Marp2]

On 9/17/2014 SoftRaindrops said:

On 9/17/2014 Marp2 said:

On 9/17/2014 SoftRaindrops said:

I apologize for my ignorance on the topic.

I just found this ....http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/50-actual-facts-about-dom_b_2193904.html

I also looked at the stats from the Dept of Justice and the number of men who abuse their partners or spouses was very high.

To say I am astounded is putting it mildly.

What is most astounding is when you look at the 1 in 5 statistic it is a safe bet that we all know, live next to or with, work with or for at minimum one man that has used violence against his spouse or partner with the true number being much higher than one.

Marp, thanks for the topic. I learned something here today. I think we need to teach our sons and daughters that we need to respect one another and that violence in any form is verboten. And parents need to teach their children by example.

SR, this subject has been ignored and swept under the rug for too long. It needs to see the light day and be discussed by both men and women, as well as their sons and daughters. And yes, children particularly need to be taught respect for others, self respect and self worth.

[redhead handbag queen]

I was married young and abused by my ex-husband. It started exactly one week after the wedding, there were signs prior but I was too naïve to see them. He started with the demeaning/nasty remarks then went on to the physical abuse, I was pushed down a flight of stairs, had a door kicked shut on my arm (my daughter was in the other) as I was trying to leave. It took fifteen years for the nightmares to stop.

Before this, I said to girlfriends I would never put with this, if you met me now you would have trouble believing I was even involved with him with him at all. The first time he hit me I went into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and said “what did I do to deserve this?” and then stopped myself. My parents were out of town so I went to my in-laws and my MIL said, and I quote “what did you do to make him do this?” I was just floored. I’m sure this is what my ex grew up it so therefore it was “ok”.

My daughter was 9 months old and starting to walk around tables and knocked a couple magazines down. He just flipped out and got right in her face and screamed at her, I knew I had to leave because he was going to start in on her. I was married to him for just over three years. Leaving was just as hard and scary as staying.