Re: CHANGES IN OLDER PARENTS

Anonymous · ‎02-15-2017

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Zita · ‎05-24-2011

Once again I am struck by people like the OP who want recognition and applause for doing simple tasks. Out of date food? Big deal! Who cares? No food poisoning from older mayo, that's ridiculous.

I hear nothing but Me Me Me and Poor Me in the original posting. Are you maybe jealous because your mother has no financial worries and can enjoy a carefree life?

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@ShanusIt's very difficult, I understand. My mom asked me before she died to never put my dad in a nursing home. When he started to fail physically, I sold our home and moved in to care for him. I had to lift him, do all his shopping, take him to many doctor appointments and basically saw my own health deteriorate. I developed heart disease and am now dealing with the aftermath. I am making sure not to put my children into such a position. Unless, you've been there, no one should judge.

My best east to you, Shanus. Please remember to take care of yourself during this stressful period in your life....

Edited to add my father watched the food in the fridge and was abusive if I wanted to throw anything out. We paid for all food so it was ridiculous.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

Thanks @Trinity11....a true friend. Sorry your time w/ your Dad couldn't be more pleasant. It's not only a transition for parents, but for us as well.

There's never a winner..just pushing & pulling it seems. My hope is that I come out on the other side having done the best I can do and have no regrets. That's all any of us can expect.

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@Shanus wrote:
Thanks @Trinity11....a true friend. Sorry your time w/ your Dad couldn't be more pleasant. It's not only a transition for parents, but for us as well.

There's never a winner..just pushing & pulling it seems. My hope is that I come out on the other side having done the best I can do and have no regrets. That's all any of us can expect.

I was warned by my physician I was not strong enough to care for him but paid no attention. I really think it is an individualized kind of thing. No one here should judge you. I agree no one is a winner in these sorts of scenarios. It sounds like you won't have regrets because you are doing all you can...

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Zita. Certainly you deserve no reply. Not only is my Mom more than financially secure (before and after my Dad passed away), but without their inheritance, I don't need their support in any way. Who cares? Obviously the jealously is on your part, not mine!!! You have a lot a nerve to judge me because I'm doing what I choose to do!

MacDUFF · ‎05-29-2015

@Shanus

I feel for you and for all of us when our parents change as they age, but it's been going on for thousands of years and is something we just need to handle as best we can (and you are), with as much grace and humor and kindness as we can. The need to vent is normal and necessary.

I think you said it best downthread (I don't remember verbatim), but you said "tough love." The only "advice" I can offer (on an obscure shopping board forum LOL) and giving you the benefit of the doubt (I think you are doing your best and love your Mom) are these...

1. "Train" the aide in a few things that she should have known to do in the first place (like clean out the frig once in a while...sheesh! how hard is that??!?!).

2. Try to either laugh it off or just flatout override your Mom on some things...like tossing old food...get up in the middle of the night and flush it, if necessary...replace it with food you bring with you or that you purchase from the grocery store that's closest to her right before you arrive (yes, you may have to schlep more stuff, but hey!) If you are seeing her for a few days every month, and since it seems this situation has been ongoing, I don't think she'll be in danger with expired food (my personal opinion only...you may want to do some research).

3. Get her a cool pair of readers and a sparkly eyeglasses holder/necklace thingy. Yes, she'll give you a hard time. No, she won't wear them...while you're there, but she might wear them when you are not there. Once her building mates start oohing and aahing over how adorable her glasses/holder are, she'll forget about being the female "Ole Blue Eyes" of the bldg. When you go shopping with her, bring the glasses/holder and, when she asks to borrow yours, give her those (if that made sense LOL).

I'm not a depression baby (altho, I was raised by them), and I do not like to throw food away...cash in the trash.

Most people want to "sail their own ship" for as long as possible. The changes in aging parents are frightening and challenging to them as well as to us.

Life can be difficult...try to keep a good thought, manage as best you can, carry on.

~~~ I call dibs on the popcorn concession!! ~~~

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@Shanus wrote:
@Zita. Certainly you deserve no reply. Not only is my Mom more than financially secure (before and after my Dad passed away), but without their inheritance, I don't need their support in any way. Who cares? Obviously the jealously is on your part, not mine!!! You have a lot a nerve to judge me because I'm doing what I choose to do!

@Shanus

Don't let the negative nellies get to you. They haven't lived your life, and you can try to explain yourself (which you don't need to do) until you are blue in the face, but they will NEVER understand, until it happens to them.

If/when that day does comes, and they find themselves taking care of a parent, then and only then is when they might get it.

Until then, you keep doing what you are doing, and to hades with everyone else.

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

@Shanus wrote:
@CelticCrafter. Not sure w/ such a negative attitude you deserve a reply, but will clarify. Read OP! I'm here at least 4 days a month and stated next visit I will bring my own food. I did not realize the extent of the outdated food issue. I usually don't snack from her frig., but eat in dining room. Why the venom? There is no blame on me. Keep your "nasties" to yourself!

Venon & nasties - HOLYCR*P - alrighty then - pat yourself on the back and give yourself a round of applause.....

CatsyCline · ‎07-24-2013

@Shanus its not easy. you will always be the child. that how my mother is. she is the parent and i'm 9 yrs old . she is 86. she keeps and eats food for far longer than she should. she had no refrigeration when she was a child. they stored food in a cold pantry. she says they ate that stuff and "i'm still here" we have had a joke for years about any food she offered us. the first thing we would say is "how old is it?" my mother refuses to wear glasses except to read some tiny print. she says her license is good until 2018 and for that reason so are her eyes. your mother is in a safer place than my mother. she refuses to move out of her home, a home and yard she can no longer tend properly. she would never go to assisted living. her health is failing but she keeps saying "we'll see" when i suggest she think about selling and moving to Fl where i have a sibling (who doesnt help at all but would be forced to)