Community Chat

[Cakers3]

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@sunshine45 wrote:

i know that a few people said she should go early in the day to pay her respects, before anyone else is there (which i think is a mistake), but does a funeral home just let anyone go in and  see the body or be near the casket or pay their respects when family members are not there? do they CALL the family to even see if that is okay? i would think that this would not be allowed?

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@sunshine45   I have never been to a wake where the funeral home opened the doors before the designated time.

The family goes in first and is given a little time before the doors are opened for the others coming to pay respects.

I cannot imagine any funeral home allowing anybody to just walk in before the family arrives.

[sunshine45]

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@Cakers3 wrote:

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@sunshine45 wrote:

i know that a few people said she should go early in the day to pay her respects, before anyone else is there (which i think is a mistake), but does a funeral home just let anyone go in and  see the body or be near the casket or pay their respects when family members are not there? do they CALL the family to even see if that is okay? i would think that this would not be allowed?

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@sunshine45   I have never been to a wake where the funeral home opened the doors before the designated time.

The family goes in first and is given a little time before the doors are opened for the others coming to pay respects.

I cannot imagine any funeral home allowing anybody to just walk in before the family arrives.

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@Cakers3 

that is what i thought also. i was surprised that some recommended doing that? i cannot imagine a funeral home would just allow someone to walk in at an odd time and ask to see the body or the casket. i would HOPE that that is never the case.

[Sheila P-Burg]

@tobes  ..... I stand in agreement wi@sunshine45 . A funeral IS NOT the place for her to do what she thinks is best for her. To be brutally honest that is nothing more than being selfish. If she needs a type of closure that bad after 14 years she needs to talk to a professional. Let the family mourn in peace. Be a considerate, passionate person and think of others.

[JaneMarple]

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@Cakers3 wrote:

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@sunshine45 wrote:

i know that a few people said she should go early in the day to pay her respects, before anyone else is there (which i think is a mistake), but does a funeral home just let anyone go in and  see the body or be near the casket or pay their respects when family members are not there? do they CALL the family to even see if that is okay? i would think that this would not be allowed?

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@sunshine45   I have never been to a wake where the funeral home opened the doors before the designated time.

The family goes in first and is given a little time before the doors are opened for the others coming to pay respects.

I cannot imagine any funeral home allowing anybody to just walk in before the family arrives.

Believe it or not @Cakers3 this was allowed on two separate occasions with family members of mine. 

When my MIL died my sister was let in the church a few hours before her funeral to pay her respects. My sister didn't go to the funeral.

On another occasion a favorite cousin unexpectedly passed away and another cousin close to her went to the funeral home when they opened and she was allowed to see our mutal deceased cousin. She was too distraught to stay.

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[Sheila P-Burg]

@sunshine45  ...... @Cakers3  ..... I know of two (2) different instances where the funeral home was notified that certain individuals were not to be allowed to "visit" the deceased. Both were instances similar to what is being discussed.

I am also aware of a couple of times where some were allowed in prior to the service due to certain circumstances (mainly health) with the family's aproval.

[lovesrecess]

Where we live, the night before the funeral the have “ receiving friends”....the casket is open and the next of kin are there in a receiving line type of thing....the funeral follows the next morning or afternoon.

[lovesrecess]

I know my sister has no ill-will towards his family and is not the type to want to make a “ statement” like that. I talked to her this morning and she found a girlfriend who may go with her...if the gf can’t go, she just won’t go. I think his burial will be not too far away, so I told her I would go with her to the cemetery after a few days. We would just not get out of the car if we see another family member there....I dread any situation that could turn into a scene.

[Carmie]

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@sunshine45 wrote:

i know that a few people said she should go early in the day to pay her respects, before anyone else is there (which i think is a mistake), but does a funeral home just let anyone go in and  see the body or be near the casket or pay their respects when family members are not there? do they CALL the family to even see if that is okay? i would think that this would not be allowed?

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Yes, funeral homes do this.  The doors are usually open all day when there is a funeral scheduled.  There are all types of people coming and going....flower delivery, delivery of memory cards, etc.

Everything is set up early and even the book is there you can sign.

Many people come early. Some people have to work, some bring in children if it is Grandma or Grandpa so they can view and ask questions.  There are many reasons for this.  Some people just stop in to buy Mass cards ( Catholic)

If there is a public notice and obituary that announces the death and funeral/ viewing info, then the public is free to attend.

If the services are private, that means you can't attend without an invite.

Personally, I think the OP's sister should go if she wants to.  It is no one business why she wants to do this.  She had a history with this man and might have personal reasons.

A family that refuses to let certain people attend because they do not like them, are mean and foolish.  If they come to be respectable, there should be no problem.

My husband was called to a funeral home when he was a police officer because the family was fighting.  They got physical and knocked the casket over.  It was quite the spectacle.  He personally knows the family...and one family member was his police coworker.  I am sure Grandma looking down was not happy.

When someone dies, it is the time to let bygones be bygones.  Nothing good can come from holding grudges or fighting.

[Tessa Mendoza]

I do understand why she would want to attend her ex's funeral.

He is dead.  Somehow her memories of him probably are somewhat softened right now.  She knows this will be the last and only time to try to get some sort of closure.

There were good times in their relationhip too, and she is probably remembering some of them now.

Hopefully, she will keep to herelf and try not to be noticed.

[sunshine45]

@Carmie 

thanks for letting me know your experience.

i have been involved closely in the funeral of two people and there were no people coming and going at the funeral home like that. the doors were closed when we wanted privacy and there were employees in the hallways who always asked where anyone was going. they never let anyone in during the hours where the viewings/funerals were going to take place. when the viewing was over we were always the last to leave. if there was flower delivery then they accompanied the delivery person into the room, stayed with them as they set up, and then closed the doors as they left.

to be honest, when i have to plan funerals again i will certainly make sure no one is allowed in during the times that we are not there.....unless it has been prearranged with the family. i personally find that to be disconcerting.