Attending a funeral

lovesrecess · ‎03-14-2010

My sister just found out her ex has passed away. The funeral is in three days and it is in the same town where she lives. She wants to attend the funeral....but his family has been hostile towards her since the divorce 14 yrs ago. It was not an amicable divorce. He was cheating on her and was still living with the woman when he died. No children that she knows of but not sure. My sister had no children with her ex. I cannot attend the funeral with her due to some adjunct work I am doing, so she would have to go alone. Do you think she should go? She has asked a couple of friends and so far, no takers. I can't figure out why she would even want to go, knowing how his family has treated her over the years.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@lovesrecess wrote:
My sister just found out her ex has passed away. The funeral is in three days and it is in the same town where she lives. She wants to attend the funeral....but his family has been hostile towards her since the divorce 14 yrs ago. It was not an amicable divorce. He was cheating on her and was still living with the woman when he died. No children that she knows of but not sure. My sister had no children with her ex. I cannot attend the funeral with her due to some adjunct work I am doing, so she would have to go alone. Do you think she should go? She has asked a couple of friends and so far, no takers. I can't figure out why she would even want to go, knowing how his family has treated her over the years.

@lovesrecess In my mind she has absolutely no business there. It would be uncomfortable for the family and the other woman, and do her absolutely no good except make her look bad. I don't see any up side to it.

Love my grandkids · ‎11-24-2013

@lovesrecess You couldn't PAY me to go to any event, much less a funeral, for an ex spouse who cheated on me and shacked up with the other woman.

No how, no way, nof even if I *did* have kids with the a hole which your friend did not.

Why in the world would she want to go? His family obviously can't stand her as she said. What's the point?

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

I would go to the funeral home earlier in the day before the family and friends arrive. The funeral directors usually have no problems with this. She can call ahead and check.

Your sister can pay her last respects and high tail out of there to avoid confrontation.

I have a family member who is a funeral director. Many people do this, especially if they want to take children or a handicapped person for a last visit. I often do this myself.

Nightowlz · ‎03-11-2010

If the family has been hostile towards her it's best she does not go.

They have been divorced for 14 years plus he was still married to the women he cheated on her with.

SurferWife · ‎12-12-2010

I actually attended my ex-husband's funeral 12 years ago. We divorced because he had a girlfriend & he was living with her when he died. He died one month after I remarried & my new husband actually went with me. My ex's family did want me there. They called me when he died, although I already knew he was on his deathbed because we had mutual friends who kept me apprised of his health. I'm glad I went. I got to see my ex in-laws one more time. I loved them; they loved me. I was able to say my good-byes & my new husband supported me.

Time is just a drop in the bucket compared to eternity. It isn’t how long you live that matters; it is how well you are prepared to die. ~~Colonel Robert B. Thieme, Jr.

Nancy Drew · ‎03-11-2010

Why does she want to go? What is the upside for her? Does she want some kind of closer? Or hey buddy I outlived you? Or is she curious?

Wrong is still wrong just because you benefited from it.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@lovesrecess I sort of get it. At one time, there was a relationship between them and she probably wants closure. My only thought is to go a bit late, sit in the back and head out when the service is winding down. She shouldn't have to sneak around, but if there's concern about a possible scene, best to avoid it if possible. Otherwise, if she's determined to be there for the entirety of the service, she goes and lets the chips fall where they may.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

Goldengate8361 · ‎01-27-2014

it should certainly be ok for her to attend. Her ex was a chapter in her life and she in his....attending may help give her closure. it sounds like her desire to attend is out of kindness and such actions are usually a good thing for everybody.